<p>What is your experience with the relation between going away to college and then moving away from family for career?</p>
<p>Just some of the rambling thoughts of a mom starting the 'going to college' journey with her D...</p>
<p>We are in Florida, and now that we are starting to learn about colleges, I'm concerned that my D will consider going to a state school as a sort of consolation prize if we can't afford one of the private schools I think she envisions attending. I know she'd be OK with it, but I see information about some of the private schools, etc, and think that some of them might be such a great fit for her when the time comes.
I know I will encourage her to do what is best for her (and that we can afford), but in the back of my mind I find myself thinking, "What are you doing, encouraging her to move AWAY!? Once she moves out of state, she will find a job out of state and she'll be off and away forever!"<br>
I know I would be thrilled for her if she finds a school and then a career that she loves, but if that takes her away, it will be so sad for me! What if she could have been equally has happy in school closer to home and then more likely to seek a job (where perhaps she'd have been equally happy) closer to home?</p>
<p>Maybe. But that doesn’t mean staying close for college will keep her around afterward. I did not go away for college, went to a school in the city I grew up in, but moved away after college for a job.</p>
<p>My D went to college 4 hours away in DC, and is staying in DC. I’m fine with that. I never expected my kids to stay here.</p>
<p>I went OOS for college, further away for grad school, still further away for a job. Once I had a family, I got out of the city, and moved home. Can’t complain at all about how it worked out.</p>
<p>It depends on if home is a place where their are jobs. </p>
<p>I doubt very much my son will move back home, even though there are jobs here. I cannot see him spending the rest of his life in Albany, NY. </p>
<p>The kids that I know who grew up here and who have graduated from colleges without a job moved to a city where there is opportunity to find a job and get some kind of foot in the door (NYC, SF <em>very popular destination</em>, Boston and DC.) Yes, their parents help them out and most of the kids have had to take job(s) that they are overqualified for or not in their field while they look for something better. This has worked out incredibly well for almost all the kids I know who have done it this way. A lot more jobs available to move up into in a big city than Podunk, USA.</p>
<p>In my experience, most of the kids who moved away to school stayed away for years… some say they will eventually return. A lot of it depends how nice their home town is Knowing this, however, I still encouraged my kids to think outside-the-state when considering college. It’s a wonderful opportunity for growth and self discovery.</p>
<p>I was very teary when S2 left for school in FL, thinking he would love it there so much that he would never come home. Now he is completing his freshman year and moving back home and plans to commute to a local school in the Fall. </p>
<p>Best friend’s D1 went to school out west. Did her student teaching, and was offered a job there right out of college. Best thing she ever did, since there are no teaching jobs in our area. And it’s a an amazing place to visit. </p>
<p>We all want them to be happy and successful.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the kid, not the location of the college relative to the parents’ home.</p>
<p>There are no guarantees.</p>
<p>I went to college 1200 miles away from home. My sister, on the other hand, went to college 45 minutes from my parents’ house. She lives on another continent now!</p>
<p>We live in a mobile age. Young people need to pick up and pursue opportunities if they want to have careers.</p>
<p>Possibly . 1 of my 3 sons moved to Ohio to attend college ,did a 6 month internship in Ohio ,and will attend grad school in Ohio in Sept . We talk almost every day ,but he is happy and has built a life there . Wouldn’t be surprised if he gets job offers in Ohio as well . I miss him a lot . Eldest son is in CA -opposite coast . D in college in Boston . We see her a lot ,but she plans to move to Sweden someday . Son #2 visits at least once a month ,which is great . Lives in Brooklyn ,works in NYC .We live in NJ . You just never know !</p>
<p>Yes it’s a big country and I know my parents were thrilled when after college I ended up for a while east, one sib in Cali and one sib in Florida! They had fun visiting and touristing on vacation for many years. I’m hoping my “kids” find good vacation spots after college. With me, the kids came home at Christmas and once in a while during the summer but for the most part they were happier in their college locations than “at home” so I got used to not having them around all the time and grew very content watching the “family” shrink and spending more time again with my H and less time coordinating kid schedules and dealing with parenting stuff.</p>
<p>When I was heading off to college I just didn’t have the resources to know how to find financial aid or merit aid. My parents wanted me to go to college but because they knew nothing about the process I was on my own to figure it out. We didn’t have the internet for information and I really was limited.</p>
<p>I hated being in MI. I was raised there and grew up in a little blue collar town that I resented. No one moves away. Don’t get me wrong. I love MI but I hate the winters. I never have liked the winters and when you live close to the lake…well, you had better like winter activities.</p>
<p>I went to CC for my first two years and was actually accepted to the University of Georgia, in Athens to transfer for my Junior/Senior year. I loved Athens! I had visited a few times and could not wait to get out of MI…BUT, my parents have ALWAYS made me feel guilty for desiring to moving away. To this day, I am over 40 years old and I only moved away (finally) 6 years ago to go back to school to get my master’s degree. Needless to say, I never did move away to GA. I stayed in MI and went to a state school. Now that I am completing my MA, I am having to move back home to MI for a while until I find work.</p>
<p>My D is graduating this year and has been applying to colleges. Because we are “between homes” she applied to schools in MANY states. Not one of them was in MI and she only applied to one school in KY as a last minute response to fear that FA might not come through in her other schools. NOW, my father is B#$%@! that my daughter should just go to CC and stay in MI since I am returning. But you know what?..NOPE! He made me feel bad for doing it but he is NOT doing it to my daughter! She is already committed to Case Western in Cleveland and though it is only 4 hours away…it will give her independence not only from ME (LOL) but my overbearing father! I am glad we were in KY while she was a teenager so she never had to deal with it from her Grandfather. We love him…but I did not want her to feel the guilt and pressure that I felt growing up and always feeling like I was bad because I wanted to move away and experience new things. She will have the wings I always wanted for myself and although I will miss her TREMENDOUSLY! I am SO excited for her!!!</p>
<p>I share this with you to help you realize that regardless of if they come back home or not…if you love them, you can not stop them from growing up and finding out where they are happiest. I wish I could have gone to GA…but I did not have the $ to go and I was afraid to fail. If my father had supported me, I would have gone knowing he would have helped if I needed it…but I knew if I went and needed help…his reply would have been “come back home.”</p>
<p>I remember in college a guy who got a phone call from his parents. They had moved away from him! He was in college less than 2 hours from home and his parents sold the house and moved to Florida and he was freaked. So, it can go both ways. I do think that there is world of difference between cultural considerations of family staying together in the same area and a parent who has built their sense of self around their kids and are fearful of “returning” to the individual or of being “alone” with their spouse again. That, if it is overwhelming or paralyzing, could require help.</p>
<p>My CA born and raised D graduates from Boston College next month. She requested and received a summer internship on the west coast just before her senior year and will be working there when she graduates. I think the internship can determine where they end up, at least initially.</p>
<p>My son attended our state university, a 40-minute drive from home. Within a month after graduation, he moved to the opposite side of the country. That was four years ago. He’s still out there. </p>
<p>My daughter went to college out of state, a seven-hour drive from home. After graduation, she got a job in the same metropolitan area where she grew up. She lives less than an hour away from us.</p>
<p>DH grew up in PA. Went to undergrad in Wash, DC, grad school in NC, then got a job in New Orleans. I grew up in and went to college (undergrad and grad school) and worked in New Orleans. Since getting married (23 years ago) we have lived in New Orleans, Tulsa, Houston (twice) - and Egypt, Azerbaijan, and now Angola. Most of those years overseas included our kids. When we finally retire, it will be in New Orleans (or the general area).</p>
<p>Both of our kids are pursuing degrees that would allow them ample opportunities to work/live overseas. And while I know it would be difficult for us - I hope they take advantage of those opportunities. It took them going to college to really appreciate the experiences they had. </p>
<p>Note: DH and I packed up, put the house on the market, and moved back overseas when DS#2 went off to college last fall (gotta pay for those OOS tuitions somehow!). Both boys - still living in dorms - laugh whenever they have to fill out a form wanting a “permanent address.” They usually put my mother’s address in New Orleans. Closest thing we have right now to “permanent!”</p>
<p>I don’t think my older daughters will ever come back to NJ to live. There isn’t much for them here. I’m not set on staying here forever either though. I have lived here for 22 years , but " home " to me is Mass and I would love to move back there someday. Our youngest is only a freshman in hs so it remains to be seen where she will be…must get thru hs before anything else, but something tells me she will want to stay closer to where we will be living</p>
<p>My older son’s first criterion in selecting a college was that it be outside of New England. He graduated from McGill University in Montreal, went to work for an international bank in New York, was transferred to Paris headquarters for a few years, then was transferred back to New York. He changed jobs and now works for a bank in Boston and lives a mile away from me. </p>
<p>My younger son was a homebody. He only applied to Boston area schools (UMass Amherst was too far away). He graduated from Boston University and took a job with a large company in Boston. Through a corporate merger, he was transferred and now lives 700 miles away in Cincinnati. </p>
<p>Both are quite happy with how their lives turned out. My wife and I are also quite pleased.</p>
<p>Good point Grcxx3. My sister and family lived overseas for a couple of years when her kids were in elementary school, and one of them went back to Europe for school and stayed. I also have a niece in college in Ireland.</p>
Knowing this, however, I still encouraged my kids to think outside-the-state when considering college. It’s a wonderful opportunity for growth and self discovery.</p>