Will my Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (gifted/lazy) son do okay at boarding school?

<p>My son got into his dream boarding school. We got a great FA package. I thought I was stressed out that time ut now the real worrying begins. Is he actually going to do okay? Do other parents have children like him who are gifted learners who CAN apply themselves and excel, but often chose the easiest path??? </p>

<p>He can rock tests like the SSAT but his GPA is lukewarm. His recs will rave about him being one of the brightest students they have ever taught but is not reaching his potential. The school seems confident in being able to bring out the best in someone like him. It is a highly respected school with teachers who can challenge and motivate him, which is why we chose to immerse him in a challenging environment 24/7. He excelled in EVERYTHING before acceptance. Now he is getting Bs in everything, and just enjoying his last days at school with his friends... He wanted to go to boarding school for the social aspect, will love hanging out, the theatre program, etc. But I worry about his academics. He is not such a genuis to get As in AP courses without trying.... He is very disorganized and an absolute slob. His school is not "casual" dress. Getting himself to look appropriate in the mornings will be trying.... He is entering as a sophomore so there isn't much adjustment time.... </p>

<p>Please if other parents who have children of similar temperament at BS will share stories: successes and failures... I want to be better mentally prepared. Any advice of what you would have done differently. Thanks. </p>

<p>My parents worry like this. I tell them that when it counts, I’ll apply myself and do whatever I need to, and then show them by getting straight A’s and (hopefully) an 800 on this year’s Math II test. </p>

<p>Generally, I find that people like us (your son and I seem similar) just need a little push. And that’s really what BS is going to do. Surrounded by other gifted learners that are trying hard and studying hard would bring out the best, I think, and provide that little push.</p>

<p>=D> I agree; being surrounded by gifted learners and basically living with your teachers helps, IMO</p>

<p>I think it helps, but don’t expect a personality change (in my opinion). I think kids get more motivated, and some kids really thrive on competition, but, with my DS and other kids I’ve observed, they don’t magically learn self-discipline and time management. It WILL very quickly become clear that he can’t just coast, relying on the fact he’s smart to get him through-- his grades will take something of a dive. I think that in itself does help motivate some kids, but, especially with boys, I don’t think they suddenly become model students. The dress code thing will be fine-- that they all figure out. But he’ll probably still be a slob (as far as his room is concerned), and probably still be pretty disorganized at first. Again, I think boys are worse. By Junior year, it seems, more of the boys have figured out how to buckle down-- but I’ve yet to see a disorganized, not-totally-driven boy be magically or immediately transformed. That doesn’t mean he won’t still benefit tremendously from being surrounded by bright interested students and great teachers-- but there will probably be some bumps in the road.</p>

<p>Thanks for all the insights so far. And I hope for more discussion. Thanks daykidmom for pointing out the bumps ahead. I know there will be, as there always have been in his life… My younger DD said to me the other day, “Can I get some money for getting an A on this major assignment?” I pointed out that her brother has never asked for rewards for achievements… And she said, “But I did it all on my own without you reminding, yelling at me.” </p>

<p>I have just gotten myself onto the ADHD/LD forum and have found lots of great info. When DS comes back from school today, I will look over the stuff with him because he will gain a lot from reading about kids who are similar to him. In the small school community which he is at, it is hard for teachers to accept the notion of the gifted ADHD student. When he struggled with the adjustments of middle school, I suggested to his science/math teacher who quickly dismissed the idea of DS needing a diagnosis. At that time, I had to admit I felt relief and DS himself didn’t want a label. But because of everything he has achieved, and yes, admittance into a top BS ranks high, we are both ready to accept that he may be ADHD but he can still do well in life.
I have emailed one psychologist for an evaluation… then we will know better, have more resources, etc. </p>

<p>Your son sounds exactly like mine did 7 years ago. He was accepted into a very rigorous top boarding school. He entered as a repeat sophmore - a recruited athlete. His grades were always okay prior to boarding school (A’s and B’s at a private school in our town). His teachers comments were always that he was very bright but not reaching his potential. He just didn’t care and was happy with the grades he received. He was disorganized - forgetting pencils and notebooks for classes, etc. His room was a mess, his flip flops didn’t match, etc… His SSAT (and ultimately SAT) scores were very high. When he entered boarding school he did great at first. I think the fear of failing out motivated him to do well his first year. Then he reached a certain comfort level and his grades started to slip. It was peaks and valleys - grades would slip, he realized he needed to step up and grades went up again - it was a cycle for a while until he realized that he needed good grades to get into a good college. Once again, he stepped it up and his GPA went up. He was accepted into an Ivy and will be entering his senior year in the fall. He still has the peaks and valleys but is bright enough to know what needs to be done. His room is still a a mess, he is still disorganized (although better than he was). I realize that I will never be able to change him and he will be fine. It is frustrating (and scary) to watch at times, but at this point I know he will be fine. When I read your post I had to reply as I felt like I was reading about my own kid and thought my experience might put you at ease. Good luck to your son - I suspect he will be fine. </p>

<p>Thanks for posting! Sounds a lot like my son. He will be entering a BS this fall grade 9. I’m worried that he always takes the easy path. So far it has been pretty easy for him, let’s see what happens when he is surrounded by super-bright people.</p>