<p>I am currently a first semester freshman at a prestigious school very far from home. The distance has taken an extreme toll on me and has caused depression and severe anxiety to the point where I feel like I can't go on anymore. My parents believe I'm making myself miserable and its just the typical "freshman" homesickness, but I am very concerned for my health. I have always been extremely motivated about school so this is a major setback for me and uncharacteristic. </p>
<p>I've considered pursuing a medical withdrawal and applying to schools closer to home for the Spring 2014 term, however my parents refuse to pay for it. They aren't hearing me on the fact that I need some time to get my health back on track but still want to go to school, just closer to home for support that I need, but they believe my current school is the best place for me and I'd be making a huge mistake to leave, but being here is truly hurting me every single day. </p>
<p>If i were to withdraw, my parents wouldn't even fill out the FAFSA. They refuse to pay for any schooling for the Spring because they think I'm giving up. I want to return to school so bad, but they refuse to support me in that way. Is there any way I could pay for this myself? Acquire student loans? Can someone please explain how this works. I'm extremely confused and under so much pressure already. I never thought my college experience would go like this, and I feel like I need to pay attention to my health but if that means I can't go to college in the future I just don't know what to do.</p>
<p>Have you talked to counselors at your current school? Have you had anxiety before?
Can you talk to a doctor about possibly getting on anxiety medication?</p>
<p>Definitely at least talk to counselors /your advisor to see if they can do anything to help you now and if you decide to leave to make sure you are doing it in the best way for you.</p>
<p>I have spoken with counsellors. I’ve never had anxiety or depression before, so this is completely devastating. They have agreed with me that this is not a healthy situation. I knew I didn’t want to go to school so far away but my parents pushed me to go here because it was such a good school but now I am paying for it. I’ve really tried to push through it but I’ve been getting worse and I can barely get out of bed let alone pay attention in class. The doctor prescribed me an anxiety medication but it is only for short term use because she believes meds are not my fix.</p>
<p>Would the counselors/doctor at your current school be willing to discuss with your parents? We can’t suggest anything knowing only your side of the story. If it were my child, and it is affecting her/his health, yes, I would get you home first. That is the most important thing. Not forcing to let you stay where you are miserable. Having said that, please go for counseling in the meantime and see if the school can intervene on your behalf.</p>
<p>They’ve discussed it with them but my parents still hold their ground. They say if I withdraw and come home they won’t pay for anything past this semester. So this is why I’m asking advice on possible options to pay for school myself. I guess this might be the time that I have to disregard my parents to do whats best for me, except I’m unsure how I will approach this financially with the lack of support. This is what I need insight on.</p>
<p>Sam- hugs to you. This must be very, very hard.</p>
<p>One suggestion- try not to attempt to figure out your entire future right now when you are feeling so lousy. It will feel very overwhelming- and frankly, probably won’t be in your best interests to make long term decisions when you’re feeling vulnerable.</p>
<p>So first things first- your anxiety and depression. Your doctor and the counselors will be your first line of defense in letting your parents know that you are having a serious medical issue. Whether meds are or are not your long term fix is irrelevant right now- you need to stabilize first and foremost. So take your meds, keep your appointments, and make sure you are eating protein and fruit (i.e. not living on pizza and red bull) and going to bed at a semi-normal time (not 3 am).</p>
<p>Second- school. Sit down with an adviser and identify your options. This does not mean making a decision- it means finding out what happens if you withdraw tomorrow, if you withdraw in a week, a month. What’s the difference between taking incompletes in all your classes vs. getting a medical withdrawal- the financial implications, your ability to return in a year or two if you want to, what this college will send the next college if you transfer, etc. I know it will seem overwhelming, but you do not need to make a decision- just nail down on paper what your options are.</p>
<p>Then report back to us and I bet we can collectively come up with a communications strategy for your parents, with help from your doctor.</p>
<p>Do not start obsessing about student loans, how to finance college on your own, or any of that just yet. You need to stabilize on your meds; you need to have an official at your current college lay out your options; you need to feel strong enough to make good decisions for your future before you take any action.</p>
<p>Hugs and kisses to you. You will feel better (maybe not tomorrow but stick with your meds, and you will feel better I promise).</p>
<p>I’ve spoken with my dean at my school and she believes sometimes the best thing is to leave if you don’t think you can get grades to transfer. A bad GPA is worse than leaving and reapplying she thinks. If I were to leave I’d have a transcript with W’s but no detriment to my GPA. I’d have to provide this transcript when applying to schools at home but I would be considered an incoming freshman, not a transfer student. I know that the major problem here is my distance from home and I know I wouldn’t like to return here because the environment isn’t for me, so withdrawing is a more fitting option than taking a leave of absence. Many people at my school have told me that my health is the top priority and I feel the same, and I know I cannot succeed if I am so unhappy and unhealthy, but my parents believe I will ruin my future if I leave, where as I feel like I will ruin myself if I stay. So basically, I can leave but that means I’m on my own for college financially, which I’m trying to figure out is possible because I know once I am back home and able to settle my issues, I will be able to thrive at one of the universities in state.</p>
<p>My parents believe the best option for me is to stick out the entire year and then transfer back home if I need to. I’ve offered to compromise with them by sticking out this semester and then transferring mid year but they won’t pay for any school other than the one I’m currently at in the spring, despite my health turning for the worse being so far away. As you can see I’m in a very tough situation.</p>
<p>Do you have enough money on hand to buy your own plane ticket home? If so, arrange your medical withdrawal and a formal leave of absence. Pack your stuff. Go home.</p>
<p>Once you are home, DO NOT TRY TO STUDY ANYWHERE IN THE SPRING. Take the semester off completely. Get a job. Get yourself together. Give your parents time to sort through their feelings about you going away to college and coming back sick.</p>
<p>Maybe sometime in the spring you will start to feel like your old self, in which case go ahead and look for local places to apply to. If not, take as long as you need to get back on your feet, and apply to college later. There is no rule that says you can’t take time off, or that you have to finish college within a certain period of time.</p>
<p>I want to attend a state university that I was accepted to my senior year. With instate tuition, it is around 24 k for the year, which is 10k cheaper than the school I attend now.</p>
<p>Get all your papers in order, meet with your professors to explain the situation (at least, for the classes where the professor knows you), meet with your counselor, doctor, and adviser one more time to make sure you have everything lined up. Try to sleep and rest.
Do not attempt to attend school in the Spring. Get yourself stabilized first.
When you go home, SHOW your parents how you feel, give them examples verbally, don’t try to hide that you’re feeling terrible (since this has been devastating, it won’t disappear when you get home, and it’ll take a few months to heal), and don’t expect them to “guess” how you feel.
Before you leave, research mental health professionals in your town and make an appointment for the day after you arrive (or so). Keep going throughout the Winter at least, no matter what. Show your parents that you take your recovery seriously (I assume that YOU take your recovery seriously.)</p>
<p>Sam- you will want your current physician to either refer you to someone in your hometown, or at least have a phone consult with him/her… so again, don’t put the cart before the horse. And trust me- you may think right now that there is absolutely no way you are going back to your current college, but 3 months at home with you stable and feeling like your old self, you may feel differently. So there is no rational for saying “good bye forever” to your current college if it’s possible to leave the door open down the road for your return.</p>
<p>agree 100% with the advice not to worry about next semester. Your health comes first. There are tens of thousands of 26 year old college students in America- you don’t need to add to your anxiety by worrying about enrolling somewhere in January.</p>
<p>The thing is, I want to enroll in school in January because I know alot of the depression and anxiety is coming from the fact I’m far away from home and not at the school I wanted to attend in the first place. Plus my parents will make my life very difficult when I come home. I want to go to school, academics are not giving me anxiety. It’s the distance that’s killing me. I feel anxiety for not going to school and not being on track, that’s why I want to get back in the groove as soon as possible. I believe almost 3 months at home will be fine for recovery. If not, I could always defer enrollment. I’m just trying to see what my options are financially.</p>
<p>No, i decided against USC because it was too far from home. Upon visiting was when I realized I wanted to go to school instate but my parents thought otherwise.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you are going through this. I do wonder, however, if you think that your parents’ home will be welcoming while you prepare to head to another school.</p>
<p>I know it will be difficult going home dealing with my parents. They are very angry with me right now because they think I’m giving up when in reality I am very concerned with my health. This is why I’m trying to set up my future education so I know I won’t have to deal with that for an extended period of time and can get back on the right track.</p>
<p>Sometimes parents try to see how strongly you feel about something by putting up some counterpressure. For example, if my child doesn’t feel well in the morning, I try to get them to go to school. If they really fight it, then I know they are sick. </p>
<p>So I wonder if your parents are trying to see how strongly you feel about coming home.</p>
<p>Based on the tiny bit we have heard here, it sounds like others have said that you should find out what happens if you withdraw now. Then if you do withdraw, don’t go back to school in the spring or if you do, just take a couple of classes at your local CC.
Your parents are trying to tell you what they think your best long term college is. But it seems that you need a different short term solution.</p>
<p>Sam, if your description is accurate, you believe your depression and anxiety is being caused by the distance from home. I want to look into my crystal ball and tell you that returning home is not going to cure your depression and anxiety. It’s not that easy.</p>
<p>For sure your living situation may have exacerbated or may be increasing your symptoms, but life isn’t quite as simple as “I’m feeling anxious where I am. When I return home my anxiety will go away”.</p>
<p>Unless there are huge underlying stressors where you are (being bullied by your roommate, a sexual assault from a professor who you see every day)I think you need to view your situation with a bit of a reality check- going home isn’t going to cure you. </p>
<p>I don’t have a solution for your long term issues (that’s what your doctors and therapist are for), nor do I know of a way for you to be welcomed home with open arms by parents who want you to stick it out at school. But permanently closing the door on your current college is probably not necessary for you to come up with an interim solution. And having a dean of your current college phone your parents to discuss your situation is likely to be a better way of convincing them that you need to/want to come home right now, than having you continue to tell, explain, cajole them with no impact. And you being an officially enrolled student (even one who is about to take a medical leave of absence) gives you more access to your college’s officials than being a kid who has withdrawn permanently but is in limbo.</p>
<p>Is there another family member who can take you in? A grandparent/aunt/uncle you are close to who can be a buffer if your parents are shutting down???</p>