<pre><code> I'm feeling something that I have never felt before, fear of failure. I grew up in and around a relatively small town, I went to a small high school, and then a small community college.
I went to a very small school with around 200 students K-12, I had 20 in my graduating class. By my sophomore year of high school I knew exactly what I was going to do after graduating. I knew I was going to go to a local community college before transferring to a 4 year school. I did really well in all of my classes in high school, and ended up graduating with 18 college credits due to the dual credit classes I had taken. After graduating I attend the same community college that I had previously taken dual credit classes at while in high school. I was never at any point worried about my grades, or about my ability to do well both in and outside of the class room.
After completing 54 hours at the community college I transferred to the four year college, one that I thought I always wanted to go too. I had applied to only one college, the 4 year school I decided on my sophomore year of high school and got in. Like I said early on in the post my sophomore year I planned out everything. I planned out each semester at the community college, I met with a counselor at the four year school to ensure the classes I would be taking would transfer, and also got a degree plan for the major I knew I was going to purse.
I decided to take a class over the summer at the 4 year school where I had transferred, hoping it would help to get me acclimated to the new environment. The class I chose was calculus 1, something I had never seen before in my life. Calculus was something I could have taken my senior year in high school, but was not necessary because of the dual credit math class I had already taken (college algebra). It was a horrible experience, one of the worst of my life. It was very fast paced because it was condensed down for the summer semester. Never before in my life had I questioned my ability to succeed, I had never thought there was anything I couldn't do, not until this point. I only had two weeks after the first day of class to drop it, which I ended up doing. During the two weeks I was a completely different person. I'm someone who generally doesn't cry, I don't get upset, I'm always positive and nothing can ever bring me down. For those two weeks I was in the class, I was someone else. I would come home and just ball, I felt completely hopelessly lost. I met with professor, I got a tutor, I worked really hard but still ended up dropping the class. After I dropped the class I went back to normal for the most part, I then planned my fall semester and signed up for pre cal.
Currently there's 3 weeks left in the fall semester, which started off pretty badly. My first day of class I had pre cal as well as a zero hour class which does nothing for your GPA, but is required. I was terrified after my first day of class, my week was absolutely dreadful. I would go home each day and cry, talk with my grandmother, then complete my homework.
</code></pre>
<p>I currently have an "A" in pre cal, an "A" in AVS, most likely a bad grade in Biology "C" - "D" range, and in Intro to Computer Science I have no idea. My final is either 40% or 60% of my final grade, which consist of a written test as well as a practicum. I have done poorly on the first two practicums in the class. The first one I made a zero on because it wouldn't compile, the second I did much better on but I still wasn't happy with my grade.
I have the "A" in AVS locked in for the most part, the only thing that could affect my "A" in pre cal is my final which is 25% of my final grade. My final in Biology as well as computer science could potentially raise my grade, but I don't see it that way. I feel terrified that I won't succeed, that I will fail computer science and possibly even biology. </p>
<p>I apologize for the long post, or if I seem to have been rambling on. I wanted to provide you with as much detail as possible so that you could get an accurate idea of my current situation. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>I went into this semester feeling absolutely terrified, I do admit I don't cry everyday like I did the first week. But will next semester be any better? Will I feel this way the entire time I'm in college? </p></li>
<li><p>I feel like my college experience has changed me in a negative way, will I be able to find my past self again? Or will i likely continue to doubt myself, something that I would never done in the past?</p></li>
<li><p>I don't feel like I'm cut out for Computer Science, I didn't have comp sci classes in high school unlike the majority of my classes mates and feel like I'm at somewhat of a disadvantage. I have decided to major in Finance/MIS/AVS instead, but I'm concerned that I will continue to question myself even after changing majors. </p></li>
<li><p>I hate college, I hate class, I hate feeling sad all the time.....Does it get better? </p></li>
<li><p>Do freshman/transfer students generally have a rough first semester?</p></li>
<li><p>For me Biology, Comp Sci, and Pre-cal have been very difficult classes. I feel that next semester taking business classes will be a breeze, but I can't help but continue to question my abilities and worry that my grades won't improve. The business school unlike the math department, allows calculators to be used which does make me feel somewhat more relaxed. </p></li>
<li><p>Will I ever feel confident again, how can I improve my outlook?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Random thoughts
Sometimes I wish I would have considered a technical school, I don't think I would experienced as much pressure.</p>
<p>I did really well on most of my programming assignments in computer science, I just feel pressured when taking the in class practicums which are timed and weigh heavily on my final grade. </p>
<p>I'm desperate for help, I have never before posted on any internet forum before but thought I would give a try. Thank you to those who offer advice, and for taking the time to read my post. </p>