Worried About DD Lacking Direction

[amsunshine]

@iowaboy3

@Southoftheriver

Agree with @bopper on encouraging your daughter to take a career aptitude test. Lots of people are unaware of the many careers out there - it could be eye opening for both of you.

(As an aside, I am puzzled how someone with a random BA is qualified to be a “management consultant” although it sounds like a thing.)

What interests her? What is she passionate about? Sometimes volunteer efforts or ECs can pave the way to careers.

I would try to reboot with your daughter and acknowledge that not everyone knows exactly what they want to do on the same timeline. Often, career goals change. I don’t think there is anything wrong with you guiding her — but I would try to keep your fear (anger) out of it. She is shutting down on you and empathy could help.

OP here. DD took a career quiz last year and got firefighter… definitely not something she wants to do! She’s not particularly interested or passionate about everything; in high school, she was one of those students who did a few clubs, sports, and activities but didn’t particularly excel in any of them. The phrase “average excellent” is thrown around here often and I think it’s an accurate description of her. She didn’t even particularly enjoy the activities she did in high school, so she hasn’t continued any of them in college.

I think it’s fine if a kid doesn’t have any particular passions; your career doesn’t have to be something you’re incredibly passionate about, only one that you like enough to be doing 40 hours (or more) a week. The problem is, DD can’t find anything that she would do for that long and just said management consulting because it’s an easy fallback option for people who want to further delay their career decisions.

We don’t want DD to continue delaying making choices. She needs to be bold in what she wants out of college! It’s so frustrating having other families around me say that their kid is going to our state flagship on a full ride to be pre-med, or to Georgia Tech as a Stamps Scholar for Chemical Engineering, or to community college with the intention of transferring to a local public four-year as a computer engineering major. Meanwhile, DH and I are shelling out tens of thousands of dollars this year only for DD to be completely unappreciative and have no direction whatsoever.

And for the record, she has no interest in being a lawyer. UGH!

I would strongly advise her not to be a lawyer, especially if she has no interest.

I’m deeply concerned about your “frustration” related to other families’ descriptions of their children. You appear to view your daughter as an extension of yourself, instead of as her own, separate person. This is not healthy.

You also keep using terms like “unappreciative” to describe your daughter and reference the money you are spending for her education. This is also unhealthy. The fact that she does not know in minute detail what her career plans are right now does not mean she is “unappreciative”. It simply means she just doesn’t know yet, but needs time to develop those plans. As a parent, you made a choice to contribute toward her education. But that doesn’t mean you therefore have the right to dictate her path for her. She is an adult. Let her be one.