<p>I have been lurking on this site for a while and I've been impressed by everyone's helpfulness. I'm hoping you can give me some advice.</p>
<p>More information would be helpful: is she prone to depression or is this unusual? Is she a freshman? Is she depressed due to the academics or social life, both/neither? What does she say about how she feels? What do you think is the problem?</p>
<p>I have faced this issue with my daughter. Encourage her to go to her college counseling center for help. You can call and make an appointment for her if she can't do it herself. She should also go to the health center and be evaluated for antidepressants. You can also make an appointment for her there if you need to. Don't wait--it can get worse if not treated.</p>
<p>why do you think she is depressed?
Some students save their complaining for phone calls home- but as soon as they hang up they are chipper again
But others do find it harder to find their place on campus and the transition to college life takes longer and is harder than they expected-
There should also be a clinic on campus that can evaluate her- make sure she signs a release so that you can receive her health information and communicate with her provider</p>
<p>Sorry, my message posted before I was finished.</p>
<p>My D went to the councelling center about 1.5 weeks ago and she's been placed on an antidepressant. I know it takes a while to take effect, but in the meantime she is calling. sobbing, several time a day and is having trouble concentrating on her work, as well as having trouble eating and sleeping.</p>
<p>I have gone up to visit the last 2 weekends and she has stayed with me in my hotel. I don't know how much longer I can do this since I have 2 younger D's who have been staying with friends while I'm up with my freshman D.
My hope is that if I can support her until the medicine kicks in that she will at least be able to finish the semester.<br>
I think that if she can make it through the semester that it will be easier for her to transfer closer to home, even if she leaves school after the fall semester.</p>
<p>It is tearing me apart because I'm not sure if I should just let her come home now, but I think it will be hard for her not to look at this as a failure if she leaves now. </p>
<p>I'd appreciate any advice/suggestions.</p>
<p>Can you speak to her counselor? With your d's permission, you may get a fuller picture. Without it, at least you can tell the counselor your concerns and have him/her discuss them with your d.</p>
<p>reallyworried, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I too went through this with son last year. Many different things were playing into his emotional state so it was hard to determine what was what (medical, first diagnosed with ADD, new ADD meds, roommate problems, academic load, disenchantment with school, girlfriend issues bigtime).</p>
<p>He went to counseling which helped him tremendously. He also was seeing a psychiatrist for the ADD Rx who tried him on an antidepressant. For him the antidepressant meds (tried more than one) made things worse as he couldn't deal with the added side effects of the medications (or perhaps he truly wasn't clinically depressed and just benefited more from the talk therapy that helped deal with the stressful issues in his life).</p>
<p>We debated on bringing him home, allowing him to come home, transferring after 1st semester, etc. What he ended up doing was coming home as frequently as he desired (rec. by counselor) on weekends (was close enough to do this) and stayed through the year. The counselor pointed out to him that he didn't really get a "feel" for college that first semester as there were just too many other things going on in his life.</p>
<p>I guess my advice is continue with the counseling and medications. If you don't see improvement on meds in a reasonable time, discuss with Dr. about a change. Be there for your d. whether by phone, in person or whatever you can work out. I know how hard it is, nothing is worse than your child being miserable.</p>
<p>I talked with son's counselor and he reassured me that if at any time he felt son was in danger, ie suicidal, privacy issues were out the door and we would be called.</p>
<p>Does your daughter feel a good connection with her counselor, if not--she should ask for a change. It's really important for her to have someone she can open up with. Also, is she meeting with them regularly? As in once or twice a week? My son started out at twice a week and as he felt better and needed less support it stretched out until by 2nd semester it was more of a just touch base every few weeks.</p>
<p>Hang in there and take care of yourself. Personally, I stress eat--so gained almost 40lbs during all this last year. Now I have that to deal with;).</p>
<p>reallyworried, what a tough time for you. It's good that she has the medication; is she also doing talk therapy with the counselor? Research seems to show that the two in combination are the most effective.</p>
<p>I think your gut instincts are right that it would be good for her to stay at least the term; it will be an achievement for her. When she is in a better mental state, there will be plenty of time to decide whether the current school is right or a transfer is in order. </p>
<p>I would think trying to transfer for spring term would be a lot of pressure at a time like this. Fall transfer apps are generally due in mid-March, so there's lots of time to face that. As you say, once she finishes this term, even if she's going to transfer, she could come home and work part-time or whatever; finish out the spring at current school knowing she'll make a move in the fall or end up happy where she is.</p>
<p>I'm sure your support is like gold to her. Depression is so treatable with what we know today. I wish her a speedy relief from the worst of it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
It is tearing me apart because I'm not sure if I should just let her come home now, but I think it will be hard for her not to look at this as a failure if she leaves now.
[/quote]
I agonized over this too. Finally, I told son that only he knew how he really felt and the decision must be his. After knowing the option was open to him, he admitted that if he left, he thought he would feel like a "failure" and thought it would be worse to sit around in the hometown 24/7 when everyone he respected was off to school.</p>
<p>You might also consider a light box. I'm not sure where she is but the change in seasons can result in a considerable drop in mood for many people. Some schools have light boxes in all residence hall lounges. They can also be ordered online -- there are portable ones available now that are not very large. It should be used in the morning for 15-20 mins each day. If it is going to help, she will see a positive benefit in 3-4 days.</p>
<p>Good luck -- I hope she is much improved soon.</p>
<p>If there is no history of depression in the past or in the family I am going to throw something into the mix. Has she gone on birth control during the past couple of months? My daughter had symptoms to the point that I had to step in and contact her OB/GYN a few months after she started. There were mood swings (including crying bouts from someone who historically coped with life well) and general malaise with eating and sleeping issues. Her Dr. was located here at home and had said to ride the symptoms out so my daughter hesitated to call her to talk about what was going on. Two months after starting the prescription the kid was in bad enough shape that she had a hard time getting to class so I called the Dr's office and said that I would not hang up until she or her nurse came to the phone (my daughter was over 18 and they REALLY did not want to speak with me). I described what my daughter was normally like and how she was currently sounding and behaving. They called her at school and had her stop taking the drug that day.</p>
<p>If my daughter's symptoms had been a bit less dramatic or if they hadn't so clearly begun shortly after starting the meds her behavior easily could have been attributed to having a hard time adjusting to school and general depression.
Sometimes student clinics and counceling centers are not as good about taking a full medical history as you would wish and our kids have not yet learned to advocate for themselves in a medical situation. Just a thought.</p>
<p>With your daughter's written permission, you can talk with your therapist. I suggest pursuing this possibility as soon as possible. That will help you figure out what's the best thing to do to help your daughter.</p>
<p>Also, it would be appropriate for your D to have a full physical including lab tests for medical problems such as thyroid problems that could be causing her depression.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your quick responses and for your support.</p>
<p>I have asked my D to fill out a release form so that I can talk with her councelor. There is a family history of depression that I want her to be aware of. The health center did give D a physical before starting the antidepressant and this included bloodwork.
D has always had a hard time with change, she doesn't even like furniture to be moved. I wonder if such a major move as this just overwhelmed her.</p>
<p>jmmom: She is doing both meds and talk therapy, although she doesn't feel like talking is helping much. </p>
<p>musicmom: she is going to school up north snd the weather is getting cold and dark, but I never noticed her moods change before.</p>
<p>mkm56: How is your son doing now? Was he able to eventually feel better?</p>
<p>2nd semester for son went much better. He returned to the same school this year and is still somewhat disenchanted with his social "fit" there, but wants to see out this year (transfer as a junior is still somewhat up in the air). Of course this year he had to deal with another unexpected surgery--so has added stress yet again with academics.</p>
<p>His counselor from last year left to pursue PhD, so he is not seeing anyone now and doesn't feel as if he needs to. I feel confident that if he does feel the need, he will return to counseling center as the last experience was so positive.</p>
<p>Another thing that helped him last year was talking to a couple of his profs. He had two in particular with whom he felt very close. They were great at offering support, suggestions for sleep problems, suggestions for study aids, and just general all-round ego builders. I had the opportunity to meet one of them this fall and told him what a positive factor he was in son's freshman year. The man replied that he still remembered how tough the freshman year was and that he was always glad to be able to help any other students through it. I wanted to adopt this guy!</p>
<p>that is great mkm
I think that is something that is hard for kids to really understand- that teachers and profs go into education because they * like* kids and want to help them-
At least I see my 16 year old hesitant about going to her teachers for help, even though they seem to me, to be very approachable- kids must see them "as the keepers of the grade book" & scary.
However, they can learn to advocate for themselves and learn that knowing when you need help and finding it- is another step to adult hood</p>
<p>However crying and calling every day- seems like a severe illness situation- I would make sure all her profs were contacted and probably even go there myself- to help evaluate- depending
i would contact the RAs- HAs to make sure they knew of the situation and to get their opinion
I wonder if she is sleeping at all
No sleep from stress or noise or whatever can make you psychotic ( I know my youngest didn't sleep till she was 5- thats years)
Instead of a sleeping pill however- which would frankly scare me to death if my kid was depressed make sure she is taking extra B vitamins for stress- lots of stress formulations- getting enough calcium and magnesium and take melatonin to go to sleep
Sleep and eating good can make a huge difference ( and not being dehydrated) and should be in place in order to get an accurate evaluation.
<a href="http://archives.cnn.com/2000/HEALTH/alternative/10/12/melatonin.clock/%5B/url%5D">http://archives.cnn.com/2000/HEALTH/alternative/10/12/melatonin.clock/</a></p>
<p>I agree with all of above except calling every day or even several times a day seems to be the norm for some girls. Not necessarily pathological; just how they communicate.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Instead of a sleeping pill however- which would frankly scare me to death if my kid was depressed
[/quote]
The psychiatrist doing the prescribing for my son put him on Ambien for his sleep problems. My son thought that it was helping--until one of the boys on his floor and his roommate told him of all these things he was doing during the night that he had absolutely no recollection of---walking around campus, visiting in people's rooms he didn't know, making phone calls, cleaning dorm floor with clorox wipes. We told him NO more sleep meds and I called Dr. and informed him too. One of his profs loaned him a meditation CD that seemed to help.</p>
<p>Ambien is the one that they had some strange side effects like that with
<a href="http://wcco.com/health/local_story_285232846.html%5B/url%5D">http://wcco.com/health/local_story_285232846.html</a>
weird- some people even drove!</p>
<p>The first antidepressent I was ever put on was Doxepin- knocked me out-
( but I agree with who mentioned birthcontrol pills- that can put you on an emotional roller coaster)</p>
<p>there are lots to try although it can be difficult to find one that works
Our experience has been that if one drug works for someone in your family, that might be the place to start- unfortunately they can take several weeks to start working if they are going to.</p>
<p>Its true that some kids, especially girls do call quite a bit- but I didn't get the impression that this was usual.</p>
<p>I also have the opposite experience with my D- if I didn't call her every couple weeks I would never get to talk to her-
But from talking to several parents of new college freshmen recently, they are a little surprised at how often their kids are calling home- I think the bloom is off the rose- but they haven't quite found their niche yet</p>
<p>Even when things are going well, my kids tend to call most days. Often it is just walking between classes and "Hey, what are you doing? I'm fine, did you see such and such on the news" type conversation. Mostly, the conversations are less than 5 min.</p>
<p>Now when son was going through his tough time--conversations were very long and many times a day and sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning!</p>
<p>oh thats a good point
The mom that told me that her daughter was calling a lot, also said that her dorm was 15 min walk from her classes-( I do the same thing with my mom- I call her when I walk the dog)
My D lived on a campus that was much smaller- I remember when she moved sophmore year to a dorm that was just a tad bit farther than freshmen year- she sighed because it took her 8 more minutes to get to class!</p>