<p>My D and her boyfriend are very devoted to each other, and are in that intense deeply in love stage. First love for both of them. He is 100% sure that they will be able to do the long distance thing. She is very freaked out about being away from him. Much crying as well as slight panic at times. </p>
<p>I've told her that when she gets to school I want her to touch base with counselling center so that if she needs to see someone she will already have made contact. She sees the wisdom in this and has agreed to it. I THINK she will be okay once she's there, but am worried. </p>
<p>Do any of you have experience with a situation like this? I know that it could go either way in terms of them staying together. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm just very concerned about her transition.</p>
<p>I haven't been in that situation, though have been a counselor at a college counseling center.</p>
<p>I think it would be important for your D to get involved in campus activities -- participating in a couple of clubs, going to the dorm activities, etc. What I'd worry about is her spending her free time texting her boyfriend instead of making friends and otherwise getting involved in campus life. Fall of freshman year is the best time to make friends and get involved in activities because so many people are new. If she just mopes around, she'll have missed out on that important opportunity.</p>
<p>My daughter wept big crocodile tears (while I quietly celebrated) last year when she left her boyfriend behind en route to college 800 miles away. She was "in love," truly-madly-and-deeply, with all of her heart. They did the "long-distance" thing for awhile, but time and miles ultimately took their toll. My daughter plunged into school activities and challenging academics, met new people, made new friends, and became a different girl than the one who left home crying last September. A year later, she and her old flame have both discovered new "loves of their lives," but remain friends. Life goes on. :)</p>
<p>DD had a BF in grade 12, she planned to break up when leaving for college, but they decided to try to stay together- their universities were a 20 hour drive apart.</p>
<p>Many sad phone calls from DD, BFs school was a place where tons of kids from their HS go, lots of buddies, in his second year, very comfortable. DD was first year, knew 3-4 kids in various grades at her big school, had a horrid roommate situation and was not thrilled with her team :( It was a long rough year, by the end of it they were adept at the long distance thing.</p>
<p>Now starting her senior year, still together (but apart) and he has now graduated, doing an internship in another far away city, then going to travel the world before taking on real life.</p>
<p>It has actually been good. He is an amazing guy, if she married him someday it would be fine, he is that great. They are great together, they support each other from afar, but allow each other to be fully involved on campus and not joined at the hip like so many kids in relationships.</p>
<p>If it ends up this way, it can work out and it can be a good thing. They do some emailing, one long good night call, each visited the other once a term (one of his good friends goes to Ds school so a place to stay was not a problem. DD pays for her plane ticket to visit him, not me, and sees tons of HS friends. All in all, I am surprised how well it has worked out!</p>
<p>DD dated a guy for about 1 1/2 years until we moved cross country after her senior year. They were friends for their first year of college. She went back to visit old friends this summer and they decided to try a long distance relationship. Who knows how that will go.</p>
<p>DH & I attended different colleges after dating for 3 years during high school. We got married after I graduated.</p>
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Do any of you have experience with a situation like this? I know that it could go either way in terms of them staying together. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm just very concerned about her transition
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There will be probably something like 2,000,000 freshman next year ... which means next year there probably will be something like 500,000 young adults going through this situation. I totally guessed those numbers but the point is hundreds of thousands of people go through this each year and 99.9% make it through OK (eventually). Young love can be very real and very deep ... and trying a long term relationship is very tough ... some couples make it with challenges along the way ... most do not make it with pain after the break up ... but long term virtually all make it through OK whatever the outcome. As parents the best we can do is support and help our kids as they navigate this tough path ... but a path that tons of kids make it through each year.</p>
<p>D is going through this right now. It was very hard when BF left first for his orientation, and she was still at home. We dropped her off two days ago and she seems much better because she is busy. Also, her roommate is also doing the long-distance thing so they can commiserate with each other.</p>
<p>Try to support her feeling bad -- her feelings are real, tell it's normal. It's real and it feels bad BUT it will get easier. Repeat. It will get easier. I told D if it's meant to be, it's meant to be and they will work it out. For right now, it's important they both grow and change and do the things they want to do. No one wants to be that high school couple that still acts like they are in high school.</p>
<p>Actually, having the BF has made D more loose and relaxed around the new kids at school. She doesn't feel like she desperately needs to make new friends or find a new boy friend and so -- because she is relaxed and not needy -- she is of course making tons of friends, including guys, some of whom have indeed already "hit" on her. </p>
<p>It is probably crucial that your D and BF decide how often they will text, call, etc. but she, not you, will have to work that out, I think. Just tell her what you expect from her grades -- that sitting on the computer or phone better not cut into study time. I don't think you can legislate her social life (as in "Go out and make new friends!")</p>