worst essay i have written....? what do you think

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>The Prompt was "Can success be disastrous?" and i wrote this essay in 24 minutes. I seriously have problems...why does it take so long for me to write a four paragraph essay???? I can't find what my problem is...should i try to write smaller or something to save time?</p>

<p>well, here is the essay...
i would appreciate it VERY much if you'd grade it...and please give me some advice about writing more is less time!</p>

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<p>Many respectable people in history have shown us that success is sweet and that through success, wonderful things can be done. However, the same success can do horrors for the humanity when the wrong person achieves it. Hitler and Raskolnikov, from Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, are vivid examples of a disastrous success.</p>

<p>Hitler has succeeded in achieving the ultimate power he had wished for and in imprinting himself in the minds of all people for generations what true "dangerous success" is. Hitler was the leader of the Nazis in Germany, whose main goal was to "purify" the German race expurgating all Jews. His regime was absolute and terrifying; it became more and more horrendous. In the end, countless innocent Jews lost their lives. Has Hitler achieved his success? Yes; he has accomplished what HE had set out to do. But his "success" has become history's worst, most shameful disaster.</p>

<p>The identical idea of catastrophic success can be found in a smaller scale. In Dostoevsky's novel, Raskolnikov, an impecunious young man, is motivated to kill a local pawnbroker to steal all her riches. He has been an intelligent and upright man but suddenly, the drive to get money leads him to a horrific murder. Raskolnikov then finds that his life is indeed worse that it was before his goal was achieved. He is rendered insane and suffers from psychological trauma while the police is desperately looking to capture the murder. He should never have propelled himself to accomplish that murder. </p>

<p>In our society, everyone is encouraged to show their potential to the fullest. Individuals are so motivated to succeed in their focused goal in order to live the life they've dreamed of. Yet, some examples illustrate that not all successes are great. Hitler and Raskolnikov teach us that we must be prudent enough to achieve what will benefit the whole society, not just ourselves.</p>

2

<p>Don’t use vague words like “sweet” and “wonderful”</p>

<p>Remember to go back to your thesis.</p>

3

<p>what would you give it from 0 to 6?</p>

4

<p>I would say a 5.</p>

5

<p>I would give it a 4. I think you go into too much detail about the background of your examples. You should answer the prompt more in your body paragraphs and explain why it is a good example.</p>

6

<p>5/5 10 or 6/5 11</p>

7

<p>9 or 10. Not bad.</p>

8

<p>“I would give it a 4. I think you go into too much detail about the background of your examples. You should answer the prompt more in your body paragraphs and explain why it is a good example.”</p>

<p>I disagree. As long as his background helps prove his point (which it does), then I think it makes it stronger. I always do two in-depth body paragraphs rather than 3 short ones.</p>

<p>I would definitely give it a 10 or 11.</p>

9

<p>thanks so much for all ur inputs</p>

<p>and to InvisibleMonster— thanks very much for the 10/11 but… haha i am a girl!!
well, i just saw that u said “…helps prove his point…” lol</p>

<p>anyway, thanks so much everyone!</p>

10

<p>lol sorry. :)</p>

11

<p>not bad. 8 out of 10.</p>

12

<p>4, maybe a 5 or a 6 if the reader is jewish (or a nazi hater) :p</p>

13

<p>isn’t, everyone, a nazi hater? :)</p>