<p>I think 1012’s comment that “Groton and Choate having to deal with misbehavior is not a fault of the school, unless you feel they mishandled their reaction” too easily lets the school off the hook. Whether we like it or not, as parents, we have handed over our kids to a ‘new’ parent. Reminds me of the movie ‘Remember the Titans’, when Denzel W asked the white star defensive player who’s his ‘daddy’, before allowed to board the bus.
The kids and faculty are in VERY close, intimate quarters. The kids don’t do much without someone knowing about it. The dorm parent usually has a complete view of the hall down the entire dorm. At Groton, the freshmen dorms don’t even have full sidewalls; the walls only go up 3/4’s, and kids can stand on their beds and look over the wall.
There is absolutely, positively, some blame on the schools for these incidents. They just didn’t do this in a vacuum.</p>
<p>But back to the OP’s question whether a scandal would be a deal breaker. In my opinion, NO. Parents and prospective students really need to spend MORE time during visits at the school. Walk around the grounds and halls. Talk to the maintenance staff or kitchen staff. See how the students or adults react to you. I am dumbfounded by the number of families whose ONLY visual inspection of the school is the interview and the guided tour. Is that really enough to base a decision where to hand off your child for years? Most people spend more time researching their kitchen appliances.</p>
<p>We spent hours at the school/s before the interview. Then stayed for lunch [if invited], but in any event hung out for the entire afternoon. We roved the grounds and halls, checked out arts classes, watched several athletic teams practice. For each school visit, we were there for most of the day or the entire day. Then we typically had dinner at a joint where someone from the faculty said they like to eat. We did this at the HADES, Groton, and a few more places.</p>
<p>If you can make an informed and comfortable decision and trust your gut feelings, I wouldn’t let a publicized scandal be a dealbreaker.</p>