<p>100 % Agree with ThacherParent’s 3 questions. </p>
<p>Also agree with the idea that the way the school responds to problems makes a difference. I was at boarding school when a classmate hung himself in his closet - drugs involved, fight on the phone with a parent - a worst nightmare except it really happened. What I remember now is how distraught the grown-ups were - not trying to sweep it under the rug, really trying to make sense of it, and not doing much better than we were at that job. Interesting that this happened when the school was already trying to soften up - keep the excellence while toning down the “eat or be eaten” bits. I guess what I’m trying to say is that some institutions face up to problems, others don’t, and most are somewhere in between. </p>
<p>I would also pay attention to the structure the kids get - is there an expectation that they will support each other, are there mechanisms in place to make it happen, do you feel that the school will listen if you come to them with a problem. And perhaps the most important question for us right now (daughter in first year of bs, son doing applications as we speak) is this an environment where the kid is going to learn that we’re all in this together, with each of us doing his own best, but appreciating the contributions of the others. </p>
<p>I don’t think any school is perfect, but I do see differences along these lines, and along the lines that ThacherParent’s questions suggest.</p>