Would someone be willing to read my essay?

<p>I JUST finished my first draft so it's a little rough around the edges. I would really appreciate anyone's advice. Feel free to read it and tear it apart (in fact, that's exactly what I need). Preferrably, no high school students. Thanks!</p>

<p>ill read it if u read mine pm me! (I doubt your are applying to the same schools as me)</p>