<p>When it says to describe your "academic interests and how you will pursue them" I tried to write a short paragraph with a brief hook/intro ... but a friend I had edit it is saying I should cut the flowery writing and just go straight to the point and say "My academic interest are ...." and have a more formal tone overall.</p>
<p>I'm not sure which is appropriate. Would someone like to read my introduction? It's just a few sentences.</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>