Would you allow your child to attend Virginia Tech next fall?

Parents Forum
121

<p>The roomate indicated that Cho Seung-Hui never talked to him, wouldn't look him in the eye, constantly typing some word document both in the room and in the common area. How do you kick a person out of a room because "he wouldn't talk to me or look me in the eye". Did he disturb roomates sleep, play loud music at 4 am, puke all over the floor and refuse to clean it up, regularly sexile the roomate, steal roomate's things, threaten roomate, use his toothbrush, eat roomate's food, etc? Not that anyone has indicated. Apparently Cho Seung-Hui kept to himself so completely that neither his roomate or suitemates suspected Cho when they heard what happened, they had never seen the guns, etc. Basically, he was an extreme loner who also contained his outward manifestations of his anger so the roomates didn't pick up on this. While they might have talked about how strange he was, they had no need to interact with him so that is all it was to them - strange behavior, not behavior that greatly impacted how they lived since he seemed to have gone out of his way to keep away from them. The vast majority of his anger is seen in writing and he never felt a need to write anything to the suitemates. I can definately see as a parent how I would express how strange roomate seemed but if my kid said yeah, but he is hardly ever here, he does his thing and I do mine, etc so it's no big deal, I would focus on finding out about the friends he was interacting with on a regular basis. As the parent of one of the students that he stalked, my reaction would be completely different because that would greatly impact my student's life. </p>

<p>These were Jrs and Srs. Parents on cc are always giving advice to let the kids grow up, handle things on their own, they are adults so it's none of your business, etc. Why would it be expected that these parents of 21+ year old roomates should be different?</p>

122

<p>That is true as far as it goes, but one of the suitemates reported instances of Cho's inappropriate behavior toward his female friends, leading him to not have women in the suite. That is not acceptable. Also, when he was reported to the police multiple times and removed from a class within the same university, a pattern was clear. Perhaps there should be some sort of ICU-like housing.</p>

123

<p>I have not read every one of the posts here, but I would like to note that even if this student had been evicted from campus, in our free society what could have kept him from going to Norris Hall and doing exactly what he did? He might indeed have perceived he had been even more justified in his actions. I feel very sorry for the administration at VT. As a school counselor who deals with very troubled teens, I realize that there is only so much I can do to keep any or all of my students safe. We stay vigilant, try to get help for those who clearly need it, and alert the authorities when necessary. After that, we can only pray that will be enough.</p>

124

<p>I wonder whether cultural and language barriers might have impeded identification of Cho Seung-Hui's problems and efforts to get help for him.</p>

<p>I tend to doubt that his is a family that speaks English at home and is thoroughly integrated into the multicultural community of Northern Virginia. </p>

<p>Evidence? Look at his name. Everywhere we go, we see his name presented Korean-style, with the family name first and given name second.</p>

<p>Do you know any Asian-American kids who do it this way? I don't, and about half of my daughter's friends are Asian-American. They all use the American version of their names (family name last) when speaking English. But perhaps a family that still identified heavily with Korea rather than the U.S. would use the Korean version. And perhaps, if a child from such a family was very quiet or spoke strangely, teachers might attribute this to cultural differences or to the child being an English language learner, rather than realizing that the child had a mental health problem. And perhaps, if the teachers could not speak with the parents easily because the parents' understanding of English was not good, the kid could slip between the cracks.</p>

<p>Just speculation, of course.</p>

<p>Edited to add: My son's first college roommate was almost never in the dorm, didn't talk to my son when he did show up, and wore headphones almost all the time. Mass murderer? Hardly. He was simply a kid who had a circle of friends on campus from his high school days and a girlfriend with whom he spent vast amounts of time. And he liked to listen to music. He had a life of his own and no interest in making new friends. My son was not offended. Nobody is obligated to socialize with their roommates.</p>

125

<p>If my daughter want's to apply to VT, she most definitely has our blessing. It is a tragedy and yes we need to mourn for the dead but life will go on and VT should not suffer because of this one person's insanity. If it was a right school before it will be the right school now.</p>

126

<p>Korean is not an unusual language and many teachers and medical professionals are Korean or speak Korean. I don't buy the language barrier. There is a large Korean community where this family lives.</p>

127

<p>I believe, and I may be completely wrong here, but I believe that there would be less of a chance of this happening on a small campus. I think the size of the campus contributed to the possibility of this massacre. </p>

<p>For example, his roommates did not know that he had been brought to the police station for stalking, or that he had been involuntarily committed. I doubt all of his teachers knew either. So they could not keep an eye on him, to make sure he wasn't melting down. </p>

<p>This made my desire for my kids to go to a small LAC much stronger. I went to a huge school, and I know firsthand: most large schools cannot even know about all of the students, nevertheless make sure they are doing healthy, mentally and physically.</p>

128

<p>I tend to agree with Keepmesane. My son lived with 4 other guys at college in a campus house. 2 of the guys would fit Cho's description to a T, except for the inappropriate behaviour towards females. They were Techies who really kept to themselves and had difficulty looking a parent (me) in the face when introduced. 1 guy was nothing but inappropriate to everyone. According to my son, they were a normal bunch of kids. There was far, far worse out there. Apparently Cho's roommates did not try to have him evicted, and I am sure there is a list of undesirables at VT that are kids that roomates want OUT. </p>

<p>Of all the things I read about the case, it seem to me that the fact that he had to be removed from a class because he was so objectionable to the other students was a big flag. If his writings and behaviour were so out of the loop, the advisor should have stepped in. But I can tell you that mental health laws are such that even if a parent, teacher, friend, doctor can definitively say that a person is a walkinf time bomb, removing him from the norm and putting into observation/treatment is very difficult, since very specific criteria has to be met in order to do that. This has been a subject of much lament and debate, and no good solution has been found. I know of several mentally ill, and I mean psychotic, not neurotic kids who are on heavy duty meds, have felony and commitment to mental health facilities records who are in college. Their parents are just holding their collective breath about their situations especially in light of what just happened.</p>

<p>Sorry, Zoosermom. Not trying to freak out the newbie college parents. THere are many wonderful things that happen at college, and for most families it is overall a great experience. Even the bad things kind of work out and meld into the overall experience in the end. But to ignore the debauchery and dark side that is there is not fair either. The college orientations that I have attended, gloss over these possibilities and leave the parents thinking that there is more of a safety net than there is at most colleges. </p>

<p>There are parents who know that their kids are at higher risks for some issues than most kids, and they should not be lulled in thinking that college is going to be a nirvana or an extended daycare for their kids. Even "perfect" kids are going to be exposed to elements that they may have more easily been able to avoid when living with parents.</p>

129

<p>Some years ago, a young man at Simon's Rock college bought a gun and used it resulting in the death of one student. Not the massacre that occurred at VT, but since SRC is a college that caters to even younger kids than the norm, taking them midway through highschool, you would think that this disfunctional student could have identified. The signs were certainly there.<br>
Both Harvard and Johns Hopkins have had student killing student/roommate killing roommate scenarios. It can happen anywhere, though I do believe that certain colleges show much more personal interest in their students. But because of mental health laws and the fact that someone very disturbed can put up a good facade when examined, makes it hard to truly identify someone as dangerous. THere is always that risk that you have made a mistake unless something is actually done. I don't know if Cho could have been sent to a safe place and treated for his condition even if he had been at a small LAC. I've seen some pretty offbeat kids and some dismal art/writing/perfomances at some LACs.</p>

130

<p>"Sorry, Zoosermom. Not trying to freak out the newbie college parents. THere are many wonderful things that happen at college, and for most families it is overall a great experience. Even the bad things kind of work out and meld into the overall experience in the end. But to ignore the debauchery and dark side that is there is not fair either."</p>

<p>Nothing to be sorry for. I said it was really ok to say these things to newbie parents and I meant it!</p>

131

<p>Marian-according to newspaper accounts I read, Cho went by Seung Cho--he was using the American style. The paper remarked that media were presenting differently despite that.</p>

132

<p>Just to add, 2 points against VT.
1. No major metropolitan hospital nearby.
2. They didn't have their act together. Here they are, supposedly a HIGH TECH school and the response time to notify the students of the first insident was atrocious.Had they just tex messaged the kids those 'banging sounds' would have been interpreted for what they were and maybe more kids would have survived. I truly believe more loss of life could have been avoided had the kids been notified of the first insident and the statement made- a gunman MAY be on the loose. If a country is going to have the loose gun laws we have, and the freedom for menacing individuals that we have, then EVERY PRECAUTION should be in place and security drilled for it.</p>

<p>I am so distraught about this incident.It's so sad.</p>

133

<p>The one thing that disturbed me about the administration was at the press conference the first night. The president discussed convening his group to discuss what action to take. That bothered me a lot. In an emergency, leadership shouldn't be by consensus and discussion.</p>

134

<p>He didn't strike me well. </p>

<p>If you tout youself as a TECH school , then have high tech measures in place! </p>

<p>And the campus police were offered assistance with the first MURDERS and they refused help, said they could handle it. Sounds to me like too many Barney Fifes running around.</p>

135

<p>An interesting question in the Parent's cafe has arisen in a thread regarding what your child's college has in place for an emergency broadcast. What to do if a college gets word that there is a gunman who is shooting on campus when there is no idea where he is and where he is going?</p>

136

<p>I'll tell you one thing, many locks are going to be put on many classroom doors this summer.</p>

<p>I apologize for the Barney Fife comment. After all,I don't want to get sued.</p>

137

<p>is that a buy for text messaging services and Best Locks? Let me type those orders in. Good point. Is Cramer already on this as a growth opportunity of we get in early?</p>

138

<p>Guess it depends which ones. Do your homework!</p>

139

<p>I urge you all to read and share the sad, inspiring and strikingly beautiful words of Gene Nichol, President of William & Mary about the tragedy at Tech:</p>

<p>“Truly it is in darkness that one finds the light.”</p>

<p>I am reluctant to add words—cheapened words—to touch the unspeakable tragedy that strikes our brothers and sisters in Blacksburg this day. All other questions pale when compared to the killing of innocent women and men—young and old—daughters and sons, sisters and brothers, husbands and wives, lovers and friends, students and teachers, colleagues and competitors—born in hope, tempered by challenge, clothed in faith, anxious for a future yet unrevealed, now unrevealable—children of God, who more than any other thing, were loved and needed by others of God’s children. Fallen in violence and terror. Gone too soon. Gone brutally. Violence that in your young lives you have seen too much. Almost as if the shocking thing, the thing never to be anticipated, never to be borne, is expected. The thing never to be contemplated is foreseen. In New York, in Washington, in Pennsylvania, and now in Blacksburg; in our Commonwealth, amongst our family, in our home. </p>

<p>Aeschylus wrote that “In our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom, from the awful grace of God.” </p>

<p>No easy lesson joins this day. For our brothers at Virginia Tech, for our community at this College, for young women and men, filled with hope, and failing to approach, much less to comprehend, the injustice and the horror of such acts. No lesson except, perhaps, our faith, as Dr. King wrote, that “unearned suffering is redemptive.” As we believe—that love, not hate, is the strongest power on earth. That as the ancient Greeks claimed, we are charged “to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.” And that “they who mourn are blessed, for they shall be comforted.” For they shall be comforted. For we shall offer comfort.</p>

<p>No lesson except that life, and each precious moment of it, is to be treasured. That we should hold tight to one another, hold fast to our dreams. That the world we inherit needs much. But nothing so much as our love, and commitment, to make steady the way before us; to lighten and enrich the lives of our fellows. To live each day as if its grace and its beauty were a gift—a gift to mark our souls, to open our eyes, to lift and to soothe our hearts. A gift to be received and, when received, regiven. To push back against hatred and violence, and their more subtle companions—companions that tear at the fabric of our common lives, on this small planet. That deny the sanctity of human existence. That cast aside the treasure and the dignity of what we rightly claim as our own. Recognizing that we are bound to one another—as the poet says—all men and women, in sister- and brotherhood, that we are bound and we are bound.</p>

<p>I ask you, as I know you will, to reach out to your brothers and sisters in Blacksburg, and in Williamsburg, and at the destinations that will soon unfold before you. Living each day with hope—hope not as a mere description of the world around you, or as a prediction of the future, but hope as Vaclav Havel described it—a predisposition of the spirit, a habit of the heart. A conscious choice to live in the belief that we can make a difference in the quality of our shared lives. The nobler of hypotheses. Honoring those unjustly taken. Casting our lot on the side of beauty and grace and forgiveness and courage and commitment and selflessness and hope, and, finally, love.</p>

140

<p>Beautifully spoken.But it doesn't change the sadness. It's just so sad.</p>