D is scheduling an interview for a prominent LAC with a local alum in our area. He told her he does the interviews in his home.
I am not exactly comfortable having my 17 yo D go alone into some stranger’s home. I have a plan, she is going to suggest a local coffee shop, but does anyone else think it’s odd that he even suggested that?
Many schools require interviews to be held in public locations. Check with admissions.
It was routine until recently. Lately many colleges have required more public spots for the protection of both parties. Interviewers who are older, or who are caring for young children at home, sometimes still request it.
With everything in the news lately the interviewer should be aware that this puts him in a dangerous position and that studentsmay feel uncomfortable meeting a stranger in a private place. All it takes is an accusation and he could lose so much. The school should not allow Alumni to meet with prospective students in private.
Just so you know, the public places have drawbacks too. Everyone there can see who is interviewing. Often they can overhear the conversation. Your daughter’s classmates may be present and there is little, practically, to do about it. I interview for my college at a coffee shop, and one day an alumna from another college also was interviewing at the same shop. To both our later surprise, a student mery observing was tweeting about both experiences.
I did the exact same thing years ago, except that I was 16. In today’s world, it sounds to me like it is probably something that should be avoided for the benefit of the interviewer just as much as the student. Of course it probably should have been avoided years ago also, except that back then we didn’t think of it.
“With everything in the news lately the interviewer should be aware that this puts him in a dangerous position”
Yes, I very much agree.
This comes up every year. The answer to the first question is, it’s not strange at all. It used to be the rule, not the exception, at least for Ivy League colleges and their LAC equivalents. If you didn’t have the interview in someone’s home, it was likely to be in his – yes, almost always a man’s – private office with the door closed.
The world has changed a fair amount in the past decade or so, and I think it’s much less common now than it used to be. To a large extent, it’s a cultural and diversity issue. When I had alumni interviews way back in the last century, my parents and I knew all of the interviewers beforehand – some better than others, but none was completely outside our social circles. I was more or less already part of the club. But now, the alumni base is much broader, and the applicant base is much, much broader, so it’s not possible to assume everyone will be comfortable meeting in someone’s home or office. I think most interviewers understand that, but some of the older ones may not. And some women interviewers may not think the discomfort would apply to them.
If you don’t want to ask for a public location, would you feel okay driving your daughter and sitting in the car? You could wave to interviewer as he lets her in. I’m not saying this is ideal, but perhaps a compromise.
I wouldn’t find it odd (my sons both did Tufts interviews at someone’s home), but understand your hesitation. I think driving her there and waiting outside in the car is fine.
How does your daughter feel? Has the interaction to date been through the phone or email? If the interviewer is an older alum who is set in his ways, and your daughter is not going to be uncomfortable, I’d go with the flow. I am pretty sure if there were any problem with this interviewer in the past, he would have been cut off from interviewing. I’d hate to ruffle feathers before the interview by signaling in a way that you don’t trust the interviewer. Of course if your daughter is going to be uncomfortable, I think a very polite request “blaming” her parents for wanting to change locations is worth a try. If the interviewer is younger and/or the prior communication has been easy going, suggesting meeting in a public place is probably no big deal.
I think it’s a fantastic life lesson for your daughter to politely tell the interviewer that she’d love to meet at the public library, a Starbucks, in the lobby of a local hotel near the concierge desk, or in the lobby of his office (if he has one).
Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable pushing back when their personal boundaries are violated. If the Harvey Weinstein scandal teaches nothing- it should teach that. I’m in no way ascribing any evil aspiration to this interviewer, but if you or your D are uncomfortable, then your D should be empowered to suggest another venue.
I interviewed for my alma mater for years, and experienced the shift from “all interviews take place in your home or office” to “all interviews take place in public”. There were tremendous downsides to the public interviews- my kids would see friends or classmates and feel very awkward; there was ambient noise; one time a friend was the barista who made a joke at the beginning of the interview which made the student uncomfortable and “off his game”.
But I totally get that a 17 year old (regardless of gender) would feel MORE uncomfortable in my house.
I had a job interview a long time ago in a hotel suite where the door to the bedroom was open and I got to stare at the unmade bed, wet towels, toiletries, etc. for an hour. What was wrong with ME that I didn’t tell the interviewer that we should head downstairs to the lobby instead of essentially interviewing in his disheveled bedroom???
Your d can do this!
My older son had all of his interviews in people’s homes (2007), younger son had one in a private office, one in a home and two at Starbucks (2010). Since neither kid drove I drove them there. Older son did not have a cell phone yet, so I went with him to the door and asked the interviewer when I should come back to pick him up. Younger son did have a phone, so just called when he was done. Given what’s been in the news lately, I think most interviewers will understand that people may no longer be comfortable with interviews in people’s private homes.
My son, too, had at least one interview in a home. I don’t think it is odd, especially if this is an older person who has been interviewing for a long time. Your daughter will be going off to college soon and may have to meet with a professor or a TA in a private office with the door shut. As BK states above, if there were anything going on with interviewer, he would likely not be still interviewing (a female that didn’t get accepted would not be hesitant to make a complaint). If your daughter is uncomfortable, waiting in the car may be the a good option. I agree that suggesting that she doesn’t trust the interviewer may be a negative way to start the interview. And I think being wary, but also trusting that he is almost certainly a good guy, is a great way to approach these situations.
I would accompany my daughter if I were in that situation. If the interviewer plans to continue interviewing in their home, they should expect a guardian to be present, and provide a place for the guardian to sit (perhaps just out of earshot) during the interview. Our college interviews have always been conducted in coffee shops and public places, but my sons have interviewed at the homes of scout leaders for various things and my husband always went along. Part of the scout guidelines stipulate that no adult should be alone with a youth at any time, and I think it is a guideline that should be applied here.
I’d drive her, and hop out of the car to say hi when I dropped her off (not walk to the door with her, just from the curb/driveway). But honestly, I think it is fine.
I think it is fine as well. This young woman is soon off to college and will be in far more difficult situations than this, and I would expect her to have the maturity to handle it. I conducted one interview in a coffee shop in which the parents sat nearby after I declined their request to join us. I did begin the interview report by noting that ( it asks about time/place etc), for what it was worth. I have no idea what the adcom thought of it.
@roycroftmom "This young woman is soon off to college and will be in far more difficult situations than this, and I would expect her to have the maturity to handle it. " Agreed she needs to learn to set boundaries now and if an Alumni or college does not understand that a young woman would feel uncomfortable meeting a stranger in his home, then it’s not a place that she should be thinking of attending. If it makes you uncomfortable then you have the right to say no.
@mom2and “Your daughter will be going off to college soon and may have to meet with a professor or a TA in a private office with the door shut.” Most offices have windows in the doors now so as to protect all individuals involved. It’s a big jump from meeting a complete stranger in his home to meeting the a TA/Professor in an office surrounded by other offices and people. If it was at the Alumni’s office during business hours, I don’t think it would be an issue.
^^ There’s a difference between a parent sitting in on an interview in a public place and a parent wanting to accompany their underage daughter for a meeting in a private home. Having another adult present protects both the youth and the interviewer. There’s also a reason most colleges frown upon private meetings these days.
Women have been told to suck it up for generations.
If this situation makes you or your D uncomfortable, change the venue (politely). Suggest a public or nearly public place close by.
None of my kids had college interviews in a private home even though I had interviewed dozens of kids in my home over the years. Norms change. My kids met their interviewers in coffee shops, the “meeting area” of a large and bustling public library, a hotel lobby, etc.
If she feels a need to set boundaries in this situation, do so. Not every male is a predator, and I don’t think it is productive to be paranoid. There will be many closed door meetings about salaries, performance reviews, grades, work issues, Etc etc in her future, however. The student is 17, not 7. Thousands of girls are already enrolled in college by that age and are navigating frankly more difficult situations daily. Perhaps this student isn’t ready to do so, and that is fine, so if she needs to change venues, do so. At some point she will need to be able to be alone in a professional context with a male, but she doesn’t need to start now if she can’t yet.