<p>Sorry qwilde, not that we're ignoring you, but this one is sort of a parent discussion. You might believe it is a child's option, but since you don't actually have kids, nor the financial responsibilities of kids, it is just a little tough for you to see the parent perspective.</p>
<p>"At eighteen your children are adults"....sorry qwilde. I disagree. An adult pays his own way in the world. He who pays gets a say...fast forward to being a newlywed...if you take money from your parents or inlaws they get to be involved in your life...when you stand on your own you get to make all the decisions.</p>
<p>Parentofbear, TheDad & Sbmom: CC meanies. </p>
<p>I said the school must 300 miles from home for us to pay. And ultimately she pulled a TheDaughter too... She is BLISSFULLY HAPPY at her school. I felt had to wrench her gaze up out of her navel, and get her to focus on "fit" rather than "inches from then-boyfriend."</p>
<p>If you're out of your parents' pocket, then you are an adult. Also the whole thing about undergraduate education is that it is the PARENT's responsibility. Kids who want to go to college but whose parents refuse to lift a finger, have a tough time going. The best they can usually do is a local state school, working part time. Even with a low EFC, the parent has to haul out the financial record, fill out the forms and sign. Pain in the neck and there are those who won't do it leaving their kids out in the cold. At the prices some of these schools demand, a parent should have a lot of say.
For my current junior, I would be hesitant to allow him to be too inaccessible. The older ones could have gone as far as they wanted. Different kids. But if you want to even occaisionally attend sports events (older one was a college athlete) or shows (the second one is in performing arts), you want something accessible. I'll be leaving Wednesday to see the opening night for Son2's play, after dropping the younger boys off to school. I'll return early enough Thursday morning to take them back to school, only needing to have friends take them home from school and husband pick them up after work and take them out to eat and home. If husband goes, he'll only miss a few hours of work Wednesday. Hard to do if the college was somewhere less accessible. Oh, and airfare is a big $69 roundtrip, hotel on Marriott points which husband collects from his travels. Don't need to rent a car since the Marriott provides shuttle servece to/fr airport and uni.</p>
<p>cpt:</p>
<p>You have a good point about attending performances (including sports). A friend's D plays soccer and it's quite a trip (cross-country) to watch a game.</p>
<p>I'm lucky that both of my Ds are attending college fairly close to home - one about 2 hours away and another about 30 minutes away. Even though my one D is only 30 minutes away she lived in the dorms and now lives in an off-campus apartment. We've never 'dropped-in' on her unexpectedly. It does however allow us to have lunch with her every now and then and allows her to come home for a weekend whenever she wants. </p>
<p>We didn't force them to attend close to home and I would have supported them in wherever they decided to go but neither one wanted to leave California.</p>
<p>There really are a lot of practical benefits to being closer to home as long as the parents respect their space and don't go randomly dropping in all the time.</p>
<p>"I disagree. An adult pays his own way in the world. He who pays gets a say...fast forward to being a newlywed...if you take money from your parents or inlaws they get to be involved in your life...when you stand on your own you get to make all the decisions."</p>
<p>Yes, but there are students that don't accept their parents offer of help and even if they did waving that other them is rather perverse; that's extortion.</p>
<p>In Europe for example, although given tuition rates are lower, there are very few students whom receive aid from their parents because they realize it's time to start relying on themselves.</p>
<p>qwilde, I have no idea what you are talking about. Who was talking about Europe? "waving that other them..." huh?
Yes there are students who don't accept their parents offer of help and they can go WHEREVER THEY WANT. Peace out.</p>
<p>I could copy and paste your reply as mine ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad. That's exactly the way we looked at it too.</p>
<p>Rather defensive aren't we. I was merely making an observation.</p>
<p>""waving that other them..." </p>
<p>I was referring to the attitude: "I'm paying for you education, so you will go where I say".</p>
<p>It's like this qwilde, most parents wouldn't be that draconian, but if that's the parents you have, it's your choice to either pay for college yourself or live by their rules. Those are the breaks sometimes.</p>
<p>we had various weighted criteria that we considered when evaluating colleges that were decided on before even looking at the schools.
Transportation- cost & ease of travel to and from home- as well as ease and cost of getting around the area of the college - * for concerts- friends visiting etc.* was one of these criteria.</p>
<p>We don't have frequent flyer points- D doesn't have a car- we live close to work- not just to save hassle, but also for environmental reasons- we didn't see a big plus in flying back and forth across the country to make a statement ;)
Anyway-
She ended up about 200 or so miles away- which was great. She took a train or carpooled back and forth.It was close enough that friends on different school schedules could visit her easily- some every year before they went off to school. It also worked well when she took the year after junior year off. She was close enough so that she was still able to visit and have friends come to see her as well. That made a huge difference- as that was her senior year- and it was difficult to not be on campus.</p>
<p>It was also nice that while my schedule was busy, I was still able to go visit occasionally- like to see her perfom in a choral concert & her sister was able to take the train with a friend down to visit during a school break.
If she had been attending school 1000 miles away- I doubt she would have been able to see her sister much at all- .</p>
<p>It hasn't been our experience- that because she attended school close- that meant she was more tied. We rarely talk to her- about every week or so, and she sometimes comes up to Seattle and we don't know till she is back in Portland, because she didn't have time to stop in.</p>
<p>I think what makes the most difference- is that- is the school primarily regional- are there a lot of kids from the same high school?, or is it a school that has a mix of kids from all over the country and the world. There are a lot of ways of finding your place- and it doesn't hurt to live in a similar environment from where you grew up- looking at it from a fresh angle.</p>
<p>Yes, and it is unfortunate because often more than money can be involved.</p>
<p>Qwilde, it is unfortunate when a kid has parents that are a mismatch. When it comes to going to college, the way it works here is unless the kid has found a way to go without involving his parents or his parents' money, he cannot go without his parents. There are kids who have done it on their own, sometimes with other family members' help. But they are few and far between. If your parent won't pay, won't fill out the aid forms or show you their tax forms, you are stuck with some limited options. Even the top schools that accept you will not give you the money to go if your parents are uncooperative about the process, unless there is some rare extreme case involved.</p>
<p>Qwilde, it is unfortunate when a kid has parents that are a mismatch. *
My 16 yr old is convinced that her * real parents are living somewhere on the Gold coast and wouldn't even question her desire to stay home from school tommorow and celebrate Australia day ;)</p>
<p>Hey, everyone should be able to celebrate Australia day :).</p>
<p>I really encouraged my daughter to look for a college in a different part of the country. Too many people never leave Texas, which really isn't healthy.</p>
<p>I would not and did not restrict my children in any way. We could fortunately say to them, you figure out how to get in, we'll figure out how to pay for it. But since the only way I made it through college was by living at home, commuting to the local big state U, and working my butt off to pay for it - well, I've been willing to go to extremes to make sure my kids don't have the regrets about missed opportunities that I do.</p>
<p>Of course there are always exceptions and lots of kids for any number of reasons (personal, financial, medical...) stay closer to home.</p>
<p>This board is the best! I just woke up DS2 to tell him tomorrow was Australia Day, and he jumped out of his bed in glee. Now he's upstairs thinking about which Aussie shirt he's going to wear... He wants to spend a semester in Oz and six months traveling afterwards (and working a a short order cook to pay for his adventures).</p>
<p>But on topic: No, I wouldn't tell my kids they can't go across the country if that's the best place for them to be. I would miss them horribly, but I've spent too many years teaching them to fly to clip their wings now. I am definitely going to take up other posters' suggestions of asking the kids to make a list of pros and cons, and distance/transportation will be a category to evaluate.</p>
<p>I don't like the way college is structured and even question the legal basis of preventing an 18 year old who is adult in all ways legally, allowed to enter all sorts of contracts and be held to them, not being independent when it comes to college. Would love to see a challenge to this. I have a feeling that an awfully strong college lobby is in place for this one.</p>
<p>Ideally, I would like to see the state schools strengthened to be the quality of UMich, Berkeley, UVa, UNC. Like systems in most of the world, these schools should be the best, not the privates. I would like to pull federal and state funding from all of these privates and give the money to the state systems to shore up. All kids should get a free ride to their local state schools, and the top kids can have their choice of going local or flagship. Room and board should be on a co-op basis where everyone works. The standard deduction for a dependent and other college tax breaks should disappear and that money given to the state schools. Salary/benefit/ research should be stepped up to get the best profs for these schools, and the top programs and teaching systems. Graduates from state schools should get first dibs at jobs since industry and business should be pulled into this effort to make the state system top grade. If you want to go to a private, it would truly be for its history and designer label, and you would either pay even more than you would now or the school would be forced to really tap its endowment for more scholarship funds. And kids could go to college away from home, away from possible dysfunctional family,home, neighborhood scenarios without parental funds.<br>
Also there should be exchanges encouraged among the state schools to get some geographic diversity. Every kid should do a semester away, to a state far from home with transfer possibilities. Details can be worked out. Money? That is the sticking point. But I have seen Georgia and Florida do a tremendous job in encouraging kids to stay instate which has shored up their state system since I was in those states. UGA is now pretty danged selective much to the chagrin of many alums. And the ancillary state schools are transforming from their commuter, suitcase roles as the trickle down effect comes into play. Virginia with its very cheap tuiton keeps a lot of its talented instaters and even has many out of staters clamoring to come in. The Morehead and like scholarships are attracting HPY kids to state schools. I think a movement this way would be welcome for a number of reasons, one of which it can free the 18 year old from the financial cord that is necessitated today by the college definition of independence.</p>