When I went away to school my mental health took a serious turn for the worst. I think that being away is the problem but my parents still mention that I should get out there and experience new things (I live in a very well integrated city where I have friends of many different walks of life and I honestly feel that I am a very open minded person and don’t really think living 4 hours away makes a difference)
I want to live in my town and travel a lot I do not like LIVING in an unfamiliar city but I worry that that is me just running from my problems? I worry that my parents will be upset as they view me as branching out when I go away (Even though my friends at home are a much more diverse group in reality)
Basically, I just want a parents opinion on their kid going away to college for a year and a half just to come home to finish.
If my child were going through what you’re going through, I’d want her to come home.
I agree. I want my child to be Healthy, Happy, Safe. I would want you to come home. Take care of yourself and do what is best for you.
To me, the biggest thing is are you sounding mature and well thought out about this? If you can tell your parents and sound like an adult, not like a 5-year-old, then maybe they will listen to you, one adult to another.
A most poignant time in my life - in my relationship with my mom - was when I was feeling very challenged, and like I just couldn’t persevere in graduate school. My mom said, of course I could come home, and said it in such a way that it was a complete non-issue to her; her approval of me, my worth as a person, nor her support would change one bit by a decision to come home. She also said that she thought I could “do it,” stick to it and finish, that is. Her unconditional acceptance, coupled with her belief in me empowered me to hang in there. I think it just lightened the burden of feeling like I “had” to do it, like there was so much on the line. Instead I was able to persevere because I wanted to. I went on the finish school, mind you I probably only had a semester left at that point, and am so glad I did.
I know I didn’t answer your question…I guess my answer would be…how badly do you wish you could hang in there and make it work and thrive? If you really wish you could, consider doing your future self a favor, and keep at it, determined to get a great education, and have massive growing experiences. BUT, if you feel you will be served just as well at home, and genuinely don’t feel it’s worth much more to stay there, then what would be the point? I would help my kid figure this out, and go from there. But the most important thing is that, from reading your post, you’ll do fine either way. Seems you know yourself very well, and will make a good decision. And don’t forget, neither decision is wrong. Don’t sweat it.
Oh, one more thing, allow your parents to share with you things they know from their life experiences; they know some stuff more than you, but you know you better, so use their knowledge, but make the decision that is best for you, not one based on what they think. That’s what I would want my kids to do.
You don’t like what you don’t like, and that is ok. You gave it a go and have decided you prefer something else. You need to share this with them. I believe I am like above posters mom. When my kids go, whether it is off to college, away to a camp an hour away, or overseas for a summer class, I always tell them before they go and while they are there - you can always come home, anytime, with no explanation required and without judgement. I will pick them up or pay the flight change fees, no question. But I had an experience as a teen when I visited a friend across the country, where I called my mom telling her it wasn’t homesickness but I believed I should come home. She told me to tough it out. Some really bad things were going on, she really should have let me come home.
So my perspective comes from where I have been. For some, toughing it out may be the right suggestion. But I think if you really talk to your parents as mentioned and let them know this isn’t a healthy environment for you - they will hear you out. From that will come reasoning and decisions based on a good exchange of information.
It would be helpful to hear your parents’ side of this. Some kids really don’t like new situations – but past experience may have shown your parents that you often need a push out of the nest to try new things. They may also think the school you are attending offers a better education and gives you a better shot at a good job upon graduating. Maybe they are concerned that your credits won’t all transfer. Maybe you living at home causes stress for them somehow. Maybe they think some of your local friends are a bad influence. Maybe you have a history of being overly dramatic and they don’t fully buy your story. I don’t know if any of these are true - but without the full story it is hard to give advice.
I agree with intparent, that there is too little info to really comment. But most parents I know definitely welcome kids home if they need to change their path.
Are you homesick? Have you had trouble making friendships as satisfying as the ones you have at home? Are the academics stressful? Have you tried seeing a counselor or even medication if you are depressed?
I did actually “let” one of mine come home- after she tried some counseling. After a few months she got an apartment with a friend, not at my request but because she wanted to continue her move toward independence. She got a job to pay her rent and reduced school to two courses at a time. Again, I was perfectly willing to have her at home without paying rent and going to school full-time, if that had been her choice.
If you have really good financial aid with housing and meals covered, that is something to think about. My only regret in our case is that she lost that financial advantage: though she has aid at her current school, we/she pay for food and housing now.
For me it would depend on the reasons for coming back to our hometown and what the plan was once there. I would not expect an 18+ year old to come home and live as they did at 16. If they wanted to come home and attend a nearby university that would also be a different conversation.
I think a lot depends on exactly what sort of transfer you’re considering.
When I was in college, a surprisingly large number of my high school classmates transferred from the out-of-state universities where they started to our flagship state university (UConn), and parents generally didn’t object because (1) UConn was as good a school as the ones they were transferring from, (2) UConn was cheap in those days, so the scholarships they lost didn’t matter much, and (3) because our community was more than an hour’s drive from UConn, they would attend UConn as resident students living on-campus – they weren’t coming home and finishing up college as commuters.
But perhaps parents would object to (1) a transfer to an inferior school, (2) a transfer to a school that ends up costing more money, or (3) the student going to college as a commuter.
My child with mental illness just graduated from college. She is home for the summer (and possibly the year) until she starts grad school in the fall of 2018.
For a Typical™ college aged child, you want them to begin the road to independence. This can start with going away to college (or joining the army or getting a job). Most kids are a little homesick and somewhat anxious starting a new school but in the end, they broaden their horizons and it is a good thing.
Sometimes old friends hold you back…they may not go to college or they may not have goals or they have the same mindset as the town you grew up in.
But as you know, not everyone is typical. Some kids need more support…some can start the new school but can’t do it at the same time as new friends and new housing. Sometimes those old friends know and accept your quirks but are great people with goals of their own.
I was always a kid who wanted to get out there and try something new, go somewhere new. But when I got married and moved thousands of miles away, my dad said “if this doesn’t work out, you can always come home” and that made me feel loved and empowered.
If my kids wanted to come home, I’d ask why to be sure this wasn’t a temporary problem that could be overcome, then I’d welcome them back.