Wow, its been a while!

Parents Forum
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<p>What do you all think of my Haverford Honor Code supplemental essay. Its much less formally written than the others...</p>

<p>The students are crazed, the teachers are frazzled, and the parents are pushy. Welcome to my world – a world governed by the desire to attend a top school at whatever cost. A world wherein students refuse to help one another, cheat on their exams, and fight tooth and nail for the extra point that could bring them one step closer to fulfilling their parents dreams and carrying out the Harvard legacy. Growing up in such a place is a little more than strange, as I am a student whose mother knows nothing of the Ivy League (though she was confused when we wound up at Haverford, which she thought was in Cambridge) and whose dream is simply to love the next four years of his life. Nevertheless, I will freely admit that I am obsessed with college as well, but it seems to be an obsession of an entirely different kind.</p>

<p>My obsession with everything college stems from a desire to find an environment of intellectual stimulation and academic adventure. What stuck out so clearly during my numerous visits to Haverford was that the pretenses evident on other campuses were absent. Students respected one another, their professors, the administration, and the community. I couldn’t figure out what Haverford had done right that Northport had never figured out…until I discovered the Honor Code. Sitting in a grandiose reading room in the Magill Library, my tour guide seemed to assume that we all knew the Honor Code well. Apparently, most of the kids had been researching this school since they were four, as their patience was obviously tested when I began asking questions. In high school, a bureaucracy that runs my life, rules are rules, and there is no bending of them. At Haverford, it appeared you make the rules. </p>

<p>On the drive home, I began wondering how different my life would have been if my own high school had an honor code similar to Haverford’s. At first, I was a bit hesitant. For four years, my life had been about challenging the status quo – and I suppose it had been rather successful. Whether it was the rather unpleasant experience with a teacher which led me to create and teach a “mutual respect” workshop to hundreds of my district’s educators or my petitioning of the New York State Department of Education to comply with No Child Left Behind and allow me to take courses at Stony Brook University – I couldn’t help but wonder if an Honor Code would make it all too easy! What was life without a great challenge?</p>

<p>Upon further inspection of the Honor Code, however, I realized that the quick college tour summary of such an incredible document was insufficient. After years of public education, in which rules were what one had to live by, I simply assumed that the Honor Code was a more Quaker version of the stringent rules I had tried to revise all my life and was now trying to escape. But this was not the case, the Code was not a set of rules, but instead a way of life. Living in an environment with no rules might be chaos at some places, but this was Haverford, and the aura of the campus on each and every visit never left me wondering whether this Code could hold up. In the end, the Honor Code no longer signifies to me the conclusion of my rebellions, but instead marks the beginning of a life where rules are secondary to self satisfaction and personal growth.</p>

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<p>i think its good, but the first sentence is contrived and i can guarantee that adcoms will read about 500 similar openings to the same essay. use an opening that will put your reader not into it, not one thatll have them groaning w clichee.</p>

<p>im tough, my moms an english teacher.</p>

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<p>really? im surprised you think that it seems cliche...i actually thought it might be too....judgmental i guess. but ok, thanks.</p>

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<p>everyone who wrote that is thinking the same thing.</p>

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<p>hmm, not sure why my posts keep getting attacked by this post assailant lol</p>

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<p>hahahaha. this is by far the most bizarre little outbreak on CC</p>

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<p>ilcapo, I don't know how long this 'Why Haverford' essay should be. My comment is, it is good but you have spent too little time on the honor code itself and too much on the build up to it. You have managed to convey an impression of yourself in the build up, so that is good. But you could cut down on some of the sentences and paragraphs. And explain the honor code in your own context and why it is relevant to you.</p>

<p>"Sitting in a grandiose reading room in the Magill Library"...
Don't use the word 'grandiose'. It has negative connotations. How about 'beautiful' or 'magnificient'.</p>

<p>I also don't understand what NCLB has to do with your getting permission to attend Stony Brook. I don't see the connection.</p>

<p>This sentence is also very negative:
"Welcome to my world – a world governed by the desire to attend a top school at whatever cost."
Is it really like that?</p>

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<p>achat - this is one of the reasons i have to run it by people who don't know me...because of the NCLB reference and stuff like that</p>

<p>the way i was able to advocate the college courses was by providing them the NY state dep't of education's formal commitment to uphold NCLB, it was a very long document, but one page clearly mentioned that a student should be allowed to pursue courses that he could not ordinarily take in order to advance his knowledge - and this should be labeled "hardship". in ny, "hardship" is a key term in the delegation of diplomas, but especially, in the ability to amend the 6 course per year requirement.</p>

<p>so yeah, i will rephrase.</p>

<p>and re: welcome to my world.......it is exactly like that. but i don't know whether i should i say it, its kind of harsh.</p>

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<p>There's a story in this essay, but it isn't exactly the one you have told.</p>

<p>Why not tell us instead about what lies between the lines -- the distance geographically and perhaps culturally or philosophically between where you began -- your mother's confusion -- and where you are now, having learned the 'system'.</p>

<p>If you stick with what you have, remember to put the apostrophe after the s in parents. I think it was missing.</p>

<p>Dizzymom</p>

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<p>Ilcapo, I will tell you something you do not want to hear: unless you like harakiri and kamikazes, do NOT use that essay. It is a great example of what NOT to write. </p>

<p>Why? You are telling Haverford how great the school is; they know that and do not want to read it over and over again. When you proceed to talk about you, you use words like obsessed -three times in the same breath- , describe yourself as an "activist" who spent four years bending the rules, challenging the school and the Education Board every time you did not like something, and finally you mention having had an unpleasant experience with a teacher. I am not sure where you are getting the idea that your actions were laudable, but I am quite convinced that boasting about them will fail to endear you to adcoms.</p>

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<p>As I remember, Haverford's honor code essay is about the inner meaning of the honor code--answering the question: will you take it seriously?</p>

<p>I was a special student at Haverford back in the dark ages when the school was all-male (only female student, only HS student, in a class of 60 men) and they made me pledge to follow the honor code. They took it seriously then, and they still do now. </p>

<p>In accordance, write a serious essay. Very serious.</p>

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<p>hmph...ok i think i need to take a moment to reflect on that lol.</p>

<p>i seem to have the most trouble with essays on a specific topic. </p>

<p>xiggi - this is not some sort of attack on what you said but, honestly i never said i bent the rules...i revised the rules for the benefit of anyone who ever comes through my high school ever again. my acts WERE laudable. they have paved the way for other students and opened up gates of communication between teacher/student/administration. im not sure where in the essay you got the idea that i was bending rules, and "challenging the school and education board each time i did not like something" - all of the things i mentioned involved something positive that came of it, i.e. the workshop i personally started and is now frequented by over 200 teachers a year was a direct offshoot of a teacher conflict - this event was covered in a newspaper with one of the highest circulations in the country and won me praise from the board of ed, the teachers, and the students. so that is where i got the idea that my works should be LAUDED.</p>

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<p>I'm with Xiggi and DMD-
It comes off negative. I love the humor about your mother. Then get directly to what an honor code means to you. Talk from postitive perspective, how you strove for this (rather than pushed, and no need to mention unpleasant teacher). Emphasize the shared values</p>

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<p>The students are crazed, the teachers are frazzled, and the parents are pushy.</p>

<p>I'm with Xiggi and dmd too. Isn't Haverford full of competitive kids who are striving for the top? You sound like you hate the whole lot at your current hs. If I were H adcom, I would extrapolate that to the future and assume it will include Haverford as well. </p>

<p>It's an essay filled with arrogance. The main point communicated by your essay is that you are a better human being than EVERYONE at your supposedly idiotic high school. </p>

<p>Highly unlikely, ilcapo.</p>

<p>Try another topic.</p>

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<p>ouch........</p>

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<p>yeah, this has been a painful posting experience!</p>

<p>i shall heed your advice.</p>

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<p>Here is the prompt:</p>

<p>The Honor Code is an essential part of Haverford. It governs both academic and social behavior and, yet, is not a list of rules. The Honor Code represents a philosophical
orientation which strives to allow a community of diverse students to live together, interact and learn more from one another in ways that protect both personal freedom and community standards. It makes it possible for a climate of trust, concern and respect to exist (excerpt from the Honor Code). Students take responsibility for their own actions and for the actions of others. Implicit in this responsibility lies the realization of how strongly one's actions affect others. Students must be prepared to confront those people whose behavior is detrimental to themselves or to the community. This collective responsibility is not easy but is an obligation under the Honor Code. For the Code to work, active participation and investment are absolutely necessary. The Honor Code is a dynamic and challenging force in the life of every member of the student body. Please answer the following question in the space provided below: </p>

<p>Envision the transition from your high school environment to Haverford with regard to the Honor Code. How do you think the Code would change you or help you grow?</p>

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<p>your essay is a good answer to that question.</p>

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<p>filmxoxo- i dont know, i think we have to wait for the others to slay me! </p>

<p>and by the way, parents - even when you might think im frustrated with you or i'm "arguing" your claim, don't forget that i am eternally grateful....because its hard for me to see the same things you do, and it really helps to get your honest feedback!</p>

<p>thats just my little thanksgiving speech :)</p>

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<p>Ilcapo:</p>

<p>I,too, had trouble with the beginning of your essay. You sound so contemptuous of your school and community. Some parents may be pushy, some students may refuse to help others, some students may cheat. I'm sure many other school communities have those, too. But you seem to depict everyone without exception with the same brush.</p>

<p>I also had trouble with the passage below. </p>

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<p>After you've explained to Xiggi, I have a better sense of what you are coming from, but readers who have not read that exchange have no way of knowing what made the teacher obnoxious that led you to create a workshop. Instead, there's every chance that readers will interpret this passage as depicting a kid who is a troublemaker and does not like to play by the rules.
Like you, my S has taken college classes. He has not had to invoke NCLB and his school has been extremely supportive. Certainly there have been problems, but they have not been due to lack of willingness. Your passage and the subsequent explanation, however, suggest a more confrontational approach to achieving your aims. The challenges you speak of are not intellectual, they are administrative. An adcom will see this as evidence that this young man will try to bend every rule on the book from day one for the sake of having a challenging life.</p>

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<p>You seem to equate the Honors Code with lack of rules. That is not my interpretation. It is, in its own way, as rigorous as any spelled out set of rules, be they about plagiarism or other forms of personal or academic behavior. In fact, I tend to think that internalized rules are more stringent than the ones you need to look up to verify that you are not violating them. Given all this, I would be leery of someone announcing that his aim is "self-satisfaction and personal growth." There is nothing about cooperation, about supporting others, about friendship and community, or intellectual pursuits. </p>

<p>I'm sorry to be harsh, but I have to agree with Xiggi on this.</p>