<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>If it is any consolation, we feel that if we had admitted you, by now we'd have rescinded your admission.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>Dear Student.</p>
<p><em>spits water</em> GHJAHAFGHAF</p>
<p>Sincerely,
Dean of Admission</p>
<p>Dear (Enter name here),</p>
<p>We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to (Enter name of college or university here). The overall applicant pool this year was especially competitive, and it is unfortunate that we had to waste our time reading your application. We understand your strong interest in our school, although we don't particularly care, and we are in fact sending you this letter to inform you of your general inferiority and lack of intellectual vitality, originality, and positive contribution to our egotistical and elitist community. We are sorry that you believed that you may have had a shot at getting accepted here, in addition to feeling sorry for your severe misconception of your own personal qualities, achievements, and potential for the future, which we believe will be exceptionally bleak and pitiful. </p>
<p>(Enter name of rejected student here), you are a fine student with substantial support from your teachers and advisors. We're lying to you right now, but if we do not include this falsely supportive information, there is a higher chance that you will slit your wrists/jump off your roof/drown yourself in your bathtub/hang yourself with your own shoelaces/participate in some other equally self-destructive behavior, and this increases our risk of getting sued. </p>
<p>We are confident that your undergraduate studies will be highly successful, just not at our school, because you're not of the same caliber as our high-achieving individuals. In all seriousness--we will be surprised if you get accepted to any college at all. In conclusion, we wish you luck with the rest of your life, even though we really don't give a ****. </p>
<p>(Enter lengthy and highly impersonal, ridiculously generic, pointless information so you can speculate as to your own personal worth, which, after reading this letter, is next to nothing.)</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>The School of Your Dreams That is WAY Too Good For You, You Waste-of-Time Applicant</p>
<p>Dear Student, </p>
<p>Have you ever considered being a comedian? Your transcript was hilarious.</p>
<p>Thanks for the laugh, </p>
<p>Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>Dear student,</p>
<p>For information regarding your admission, feel free to browse through the replies in the following link: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/434255-write-your-own-rejection-letter-2007-2008-a.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/434255-write-your-own-rejection-letter-2007-2008-a.html</a></p>
<p>Cheers,</p>
<p>Admissions Director</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>Yes, George W. Bush really did get into Yale but...you didn't.</p>
<p>Best Wishes,
Yale Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>Sent in a postcard:</p>
<p>Dear Student,
First, no.
We are a prestigious university, striving to save the environment. We therefore will not waste ink to let you know how much you suck. We have recycled your application and we hope you recycle this postcard.</p>
<p>Thanks!
Admissions Director</p>
<p>haha, #85!</p>
<hr>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>Well let me put it this way: you have boosted the self-esteem of thousands of other kids. Feels good, doesn't it?</p>
<p>XOXO,
Adcom</p>
<p>Greetings, steadfast student!</p>
<p>I come bringing a mission of the FUTURE. It is a darker world out here. Really, really scary aliens and killer robots have invaded the planet, and the human race needs you (yes, you) to save them from the massive RAPTORTRON!!! In order to conquer this rabid morphed robot alien dinosaur, you must use your fierce ninja skills. Unfortunately, you cannot sharpen those ninja skills at our university. Instead, you must spend the next four years doing so in your basement, in complete and utter solitude. This is only the best move you could make for the safety of society. Please proceed down the stairs and await instructions.</p>
<p>This letter will now self-destruct.</p>
<p>Godspeed.</p>
<p>Dear Student, </p>
<p>You are denied admission to our highly prestigious University. This year, we received over 1,432,000 applications for a pre-determined freshman class size of 1,999, making for an extremely difficult decision-making process. To help us in this arduous task, we consulted God who let us in on any juicy information about you such as your secrets, fantasies, vices, childhood habits. While we are glad to learn of your fantasies about our uber-hot, Nobel-prize winning professors, we regret that to say that we have enough people in our super-elite, first-class community who watch Girls Gone Wild videos (the most recent one was really good though... you have good taste, bro!). As you know, we strive to create a balance of students with diverse interests, so unfortunately, this last-minute information from God resulted in our unanimous decision to deny you. Please know that we tried to be objective as possible despite God's extreme bias towards your hot muscle-twink boyfriend. </p>
<p>I thank you for your interest in our world-class University. Please do let every genius you know about us. Enclosed are our admissions statistics.</p>
<p>-Out of 120 world leaders who applied (110 early decision), only 2 were offered admission. 3 were wait-listed and the rest rejected.
-Mother Theresa (actually her ghost) tried to gain admission this year but was unfortunately rejected once again. We are happy to hear that she's at her safety though (I think some place called Heaven?).
-The average applicant has 35 ACT, 2400 SAT, 2400 SATIIs, and a recommendation from God. The average admitted and enrolled (100% yield rate) has perfect everything and has a recommendation from 2 Gods as well as Conan O'Brien. </p>
<p>OK, I'm tired now. I'm going to sleep. Please consult our website for more info.</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>Thanks, but no thanks.</p>
<p>Office of Admission</p>
<p>Dear student:</p>
<p>It was really really close. If only you had taken the SAT one more time and bumped up your score from X to (X+20) you would be in.</p>
<p>Just kidding.</p>
<p>Adcom</p>
<p>Dear student:
We regret to inform you that due to the fact that we have enough star wars and knitting obsessed weirdos at our school, you would set our weirdo quota over the top, and that is just not acceptable. It's not because of the fact that your test scores, grades, recommendations, and other extracurricular activities are bad. As a matter of fact, they are great! And it isn't your essays that are in themselves bad; they are interesting and have good voice. We just don't feel that you would fit in with the general XYZ university population. Sincerely, Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>8=======D ~~~~</p>
<p>University XYZ
Admissions Office</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>Your chance of acceptance < Hell freezing over</p>
<p>Admission Office</p>
<p>Dear applicant, </p>
<p>We regret to inform you that there is no place for you in our school at this time. You see, your application was decided to be just a little (and we mean little) too qualified for our special needs program and just a little under qualified for the program of Hollister girls that will come and party here, meet a husband and obliviously join our alumni donation committee. (dolla dolla bills, y'all.)</p>
<p>Such a Shame.
Love,
Us.</p>
<p>"Dear Student, </p>
<p>This coupon entites the bearer to a lifetime's supply of Kleenex (R).</p>
<p>Limit one per customer."</p>
<p>or how about</p>
<p>"Dear, </p>
<p>Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and jump off it."</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>If we had accepted just one more student, it would have been you. However we've decided to cap our class at 1299 this year. It was actually a coin toss between you and Won Jin Soo from Korea. You were heads, he was tails.</p>
<p>Tails won.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
Dean of ________ (enter top choice school here)</p>
<p>lol I like that one ^^</p>
<p>hey, you stole me "999" idea.</p>
<p>Dear Aspiring student who is surely a productive member of society whom we send this letter with the utmost regards,</p>
<p>As we are a colourblind college which promotes equality and results based on merit, we would like to inform you that a wonderful variety of students, many of whom are incompetent, have been accepted to increase student body diversity in the hopes that students attending our college will meet these inadequate failures who will only squander their oppourtunity and "learn" from them in more ways than one. Heck, today I learned how to make heroin from babies! </p>
<p>BTDUBS, yu didnt maek it.</p>
<p>(Inspired by NYU)
Dear Applicant,
We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for admission into the College of Arts and Sciences. However, some students who are qualified for our university but may not fulfill all requirements are offered admission into the General Studies Program.</p>
<p>Sorry, that's not you, either.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The Admissions Office</p>