Writing about 9/11...?

College Essays
1

<p>Hello</p>

<p><a href="http://www.sparknotes.com/missmarm/2009/11/12/writing-about-911%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.sparknotes.com/missmarm/2009/11/12/writing-about-911&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I saw this article a few months ago, and now that I'm starting to think about applying and my essay, I was wondering what I should write. The article basically says if you are going to write about 9/11, it better be damn good and unique, because a lot of people will write generic ones for 9/11. </p>

<p>Do you think my story has enough potential? </p>

<p>My father is in the Coast Guard and we moved around a lot. We were stationed on a military base in New York City, for 5 years, including September 2001. That day, my school basically shut down at 9:00 AM and we just waited for our parents to pick us up. The school did not tell us a thing (I think because some people had parents that worked at the WTC and some were police/firemen, etc...). I was in third grade. </p>

<p>I got picked up in the afternoon and my dad was in his dress blues and told my sister and me the news. I did not believe it, but soon as we were driving, there were huge clouds of smoke coming from Manhattan.
Getting back on the base, was hell. What normally took 10 seconds to flash your ID and wave at the guard, now took 10 minutes a car. Once we got on the base and to our apartment, we were advised to stay inside. They had bloodhound dogs searching the base, they did not know if the base would be target. </p>

<p>It was a scary time, even though I was in third grade, I still understood the ramifications of that day. I did not see my dad very much for the next two months. The day of the attacks he was coordinating boats and personnel to get to Manhattan and help evacuate the people. After that he was at Giuliani's meetings every day in Manhattan, working 20 hour days. </p>

<p>Base life was never the same, and it is still screwed up today, but it's not as bad.</p>

<p>What do you think? It was definitely an atypical 9/11 experience and it was probably the event that made me want to follow in my father's footsteps and join the military. </p>

<p>If I do write it on this, I'm going to have a hard time keeping it near 500 words. I wrote a paper for English about 9/11 and it turned out to be 1500 words!</p>

<p>What do you think? </p>

<p>thanks</p>

2

<p>Uh…I’d stay away from the story as you told it.</p>

<p>You can mention how your dad’s involvement in the aftermath made you want to join the military – but I would make the whole thing about 9/11. Plus, I think it detracts from your argument that you were in 3rd grade. If you wrote this essay 6 years ago – I’d be less hesitant.</p>

3

<p>I think the connection from this experience to why you want to serve in the military is good, but you should try to include more recent information/storyline about yourself as well.
It needs to be brilliantly and cleverly written because you have a lot of info to condense into 500 words.
Another idea- maybe you could focus more on your dad as a role model.That could be sort of cliche, but if you tie it into 9/11 and military it might work.</p>

4

<p>I agree with the above posts - make it more personal. Focus on one specific thing, like why it made you want to go into the military, or why you admire your father in particular. I would also take a long look at your grammar. I don’t mean to offend, but you seem a little comma-happy - just something to watch as you write.</p>

5

<p>Ok, bump.</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice. Didn’t do much as far as the essay went this summer, but would like to have my common app essay done for the most part in September. </p>

<p>I think I’m going to write more about my father, and the role model part, etc…but I don’t know. I toured a school a few weeks ago and they said the essay should reveal something/a lot about you. Which I guess my theme could like what traits he taught and passed down to me, right? </p>

<p>Thanks, any other tips?</p>

6

<p>Do you think I should maybe write about MDA camp instead? Life changing, but is it too cliche? Though not thst many kids go to MDA camp. Not sure…</p>

<p>What do you think?</p>

7

<p>Try to make it personal.</p>

8

<p>Yeah, I’m writing it now, and I think it is ok for a first draft. Basically talks about how I hated it for the first part of the week, how much work it was, wondering if my kid didn’t like me, etc… then at the end of the week I loved it and can’t wait to go back next year.</p>