<p>My oldest dd is graduating from college (2 hours away, could be longer if there is traffic) on the same day and time as my second dd is graduating from hs. Both are at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday. Oldest dd's major department is supposed to have a smaller ceremony later in the day-they haven't set the time yet, hopefully it will be late in the afternoon!
The night before graduation, my second dd has her graduation mass at her school (Catholic h.s.) The high school also have a senior awards ceremony about two weeks before graduation, so we can all go to that.
So I think my husband and I will split up, and one go to each ceremony. But we haven't decided who will go to which one yet. We will probably recruit additional family members for each ceremony.
What would you do?</p>
<p>When I graduated college (5 yr program), my graduation was on a Sunday, the same day as my brother's high school graduation. My sister's college graduation was the day before (!). My parents both went to sister's ceremony. Then my mom flew (500+ miles) to my graduation while my dad drove (almost 600 miles) to my brother's graduation. Sometime after that we all got together for the slide shows.</p>
<p>Good luck deciding on the split...but clearly one of each parent will need to attend each of the graduations. If you can have additional family members attend each, so much the better. While I really wanted my mom to attend my graduation, I also remember being very very busy, moving out and saying all my good-byes. So it's great to show support, but I'm sure the graduates will also be very wrapped up in their own graduation experiences.</p>
<p>My college graduation was such a cattle call that my family could have skipped it and I'd have never known. No names called - they announced our College and we all stood on our chairs and cheered for ourselves. I'm trust the college graduation you're attending will be more personal than that, but if it's a huge impersonal deal, it might not be that big of a thing if someone is not there.</p>
<p>been there. done that... with one parent to each graduation with as many relatives as could be recruited and lots of phone calls back and forth. The kids were much more upset at missing each others' ceremonies than not having both parents in attendance.</p>
<p>For me personally, I think I feel a much closer connection to those walking across the stage with my High Schooler. I've watched so many of those kids become who they are that it's great to see that growth. College... certainly I wouldn't want to be in the position that I'd have to choose, but if I had to, I'd probably skip the ceremony or something and fly out after or the next morning. As it is, our HS has graduation on Thursday night. Probably for this very reason.</p>
<p>Choose the HS graduation over the college one. Your second child deserves just as much attention for her HS graduation as the older one got but won't get it unless her sister skips her own graduation. As a second D I know what it is like to follow, how everyone attends the oldest one's events but the older ones don't have to attend yours or have conflicting choices they choose over your event. Look at it this way- your first D had the entire family for her HS graduation, your second one won't have her sister, at least she could have both parents.</p>
<p>A family I know had cross country runners on varsity at both the HS and college levels. They always chose the HS meet over the college one when both could have been feasible. Their reasoning was to give the younger child the same attention the older one got, even though it is much more difficult to be a college than a HS runner. Likewise you owe it to your second D the same attention her older sibling got while a child. </p>
<p>The downside of having more than one child. Is your first to always get her recognition at the expense of others? I know it is exciting to attend an event for the first time, YOU already have the experience of going through a HS graduation as a parent, but second D has only one chance to have her parents attend hers. The older D is an adult and should understand the fairness of attending the last childhood event for her sister. You can always tell your older D to get an advanced degree so you can attend a college ceremony for her...</p>
<p>The only compromise I would make is to try to attend the college event after the HS ceremony, skipping any lingering. Too bad you don't have the option of skipping the mass, that's not as special. High School trumps college and child trumps adult for this.</p>
<p>As a third daughter.. I really agree with the above post. Honestly, if I did things that my sisters also had done, by the time it was turn they really seemed bored and pretty much got out of a lot mostly because I noted their boredom and gave them an out, "Oh it's no big deal, don't come." But I tell you what, I've spent the last 20 years trying to feel worth in my own life and/or doing things for myself, as if I should count just as much as someone else. Not a huge deal, but I admit that it's not fun doing everything third and it does kind of creep into the rest of things.</p>
<p>This happened to our family two years ago. D1 was 2000 miles away. Although the college one was scheduled for the night after D2's HS ceremony, the high school one was outdoors, with Sat night as a back up in case of rain. H and I felt like wis75 does. We both stayed here. Fortunately we have relatives in the city where older D was graduating, so she had family there. They didn't even call names for undergrads, and had 4 lines at once handing out diploma covers and offering handshakes.
I did go up there for her senior research presentation a month before, missing yournger D's band awards banquet, so the attention was shared a little.<br>
Modadunn hit it on the head - the youngest gets dragged to every event in the older one's lives but they are often either bored and restless if forced to attend the "little kid" events or gone already by the time those events come around.</p>
<p>What would I do? Skip the college graduation completely. Make the smaller major graduation if you can, but don't even worry about that.</p>
<p>I agree with posters about being the 2nd or 3rd child. I was 3rd, but far enough behind that I was pretty small with all my siblings events. However, S2 has already complained that he had to go to all of S1's concerts/parades/graduations, etc. and S1 doesn't have to reciprocate. They, too, are far enough apart that we've been able to devote full attention to S2.</p>
<p>My college graduation was no big deal, and I wouldn't even have gone except that it was required. Did not attend my grad school ceremony either. If it's a big college, it will be relatively anonymous. Why not do something special the week before with the college student and then help with move out? Second child deserves your full attention. </p>
<p>When I was in h.s. we showed up a week early for a cousin's graduation. It turned out to be wonderful because we all got to visit. The day of graduation would have been chaotic with no change to really spend time together.</p>
<p>I'd choose the high school graduation, and if I could make it to the departmental graduation I would. My father missed all three of my graduations (foreign service overseas) and while he was sorry to miss them, it really didn't bother me. He did attend the graduation of the class ahead of me in high school because he knew he would likely miss mine and wanted to be able to at least imagine what it was like. (It's pretty impressive, we had it outside in an amphitheater carved in the woods all wearing white dresses and carrying red roses.) The way my college was set up you didn't even see your parents for the main ceremony, then we went back to the Houses for a second ceremony after lunch where we actually got the diplomas.</p>
<p>The same situation happened to someone here last year (maybe jym??) and I believe they split up sending one parent to each. This is how we would probably handle it. I can't imagine one of my kids graduating without any of us there, and I can't imagine any one of my kids being happy knowing that everyone skipped the other sibling's ceremony to attend his.</p>
<p>I would skip the college graduation and absolutely attend the high school graduation.</p>
<p>I dont know, I would talk to both kids. MY HS graduation meant nothing to me. My college did.</p>
<p>I had a roommate in college who was the younger sister in the same situation. Both parents went to the College graduation because the older daughter was the first in the family to graduate from college. The younger daughter had no one there from her family. She was the salutatorian, and gave a speech. Yes, she was bitter.</p>
<p>I was for sending one parent to each, until I read wis75's post, which completely convinced me otherwise.</p>
<p>Now I saw both go to the HS graduation, and try to make it to the departmental event at college if possible. If there are grandparents or other relatives who have a close relationship with the older child, wee if you can get them to go to her ceremonies.</p>
<p>For our kids the college graduations were a much bigger deal then HS ones (I guess they did not feel that graduating from HS was that much of an achievement?..)</p>
<p>I'd see how both of the kids feel about it, and decide based on that.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the responses! We (including the 2 girls) just assumed from the beginning that dh and I would split up for the day, so it was interesting to see all the responses that said for both of us to go the hs graduation.
I am going to talk to the girls again, and figure it out.
Thanks for all the input!</p>
<p>My inclination would be to skip the college graduation and have both of you attend the high school graduation. The reason I say that is because I remember when I graduated from college - it really did not matter to me if my parents were there or not. If I'd had a sibling graduating the same day, I would have encouraged them to attend the other graduation. On the other hand, when I was graduating from high school, their presence was a big deal. Obviously you know your children best, so if you think the older D really wants someone there, then split up. But if not, then go to the HS graduation. I personally think it's the more important one.</p>
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The younger daughter had no one there from her family. She was the salutatorian, and gave a speech. Yes, she was bitter.
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<p>Ouch! For that one, I'd definitely say split up.</p>