<p>I skipped my own college graduation, but I did go to the Department Ceremony (had to get my Diploma at that ceremony). 5,000 of us graduated at the college ceremony, so all they had you do was stand up as a group. I did miss seeing the one guy getting a PhD is Leisure Studies.</p>
<p>Did not attend my college graduation--huge cattle call one. To this day, my mom has never set foot on that college's grounds--which doesn't bother me at all, but I think she'd like to see the place sometime.</p>
<p>Nothing else to addd, except, I vote also that both go to HS graduation, and then run to dept affair if at all possible.</p>
<p>Your decision should take into account the particulars of the college graduation.</p>
<p>Two of my nephews graduated from college last year the same day. No problem for their parents, but for me the uncle, and my parents, it presented a dilemma. I went to my particular N's simply because my B, his dad, asked me first. It was a giant state flagship. You'd think, why bother? But ceremonies were limited to college or department, which made it more like a small to medium sized univ (or large LAC) graduation. They did read each graduate's name.</p>
<p>If you both attend the high school graduation, if at all possible can you arrange for someone----aunt, uncle, even a friend, to make it to the college graduation?</p>
<p>OK, I guess it depends on the college... </p>
<p>My son and daughter graduated from a mid-size U, and a small LAC respectively. I can't imagine missing either graduation... Meant a lot to them, and to us.</p>
<p>I'd split up the parents for the two morning events and then possibly have D2 and whichever parent missed the college graduation try and make the afternoon departmental event as well. Then everyone can go out to celebrate together that evening as a family. I'd be sad to miss either, but can't imagine having a kid graduate with neither parent in attendance (either HS or college) if that is at all possible. Unfortunately, not every situation in life can be made equal - all kind of reasons that an older or a younger child may have had different experiences in life along the way- people get sick, financial situations change. It's no one's fault. IMO you can only do the best with what you've got in the here and now.</p>
<p>I don’t care if my child was at a huge state u and no names were called; I can not imagine not having a family member there if at all possible! Luckily I have not had to split the family for graduation, but if my kids did fall on the same day, you can bet each would have a parent and family members in attendance.</p>
<p>While not the same thing, when the kids were younger each had a special event same day/same time. My son’s little league team was in the playoffs and my daughter had a ballet recital. The grandmothers and I went to the recital and my husband and grandfathers went to the game. We all went out to dinner to celebrate after each event. Both children would have been upset to not have us in attendance, and I know even now they would be disappointed if no one attended. Maybe because we have a close family with all the aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc…, but my kids kind of expect to have family around.</p>
<p>You are doing the right thing by discussing it with your kids. I bet you all will decide what is right for your family. Really that is all that matters.</p>
<p>I vote for the senior award (if D is involved), the morning hs graduation and the later college departmental ceremony. I think the hs commencement is much more meaningful as D will be graduating with kids she has known for 12 years. The huge college graduation - not so much. Leaving home is more monumental than leaving the college apartment for an adult apartment, whether for employment or for grad school. I did attend my departmental graduation though, and that was meaningful to me.</p>
<p>Also had this exact same issue-- Older s graduated from college at the exact same time as younger s graduated from HS. Son’s college was a planeride away-- no way to attend both. Add to it that younger s’s 18th birthday was that same weekend as well. My H flew to older s’s graduation and I stayed here with younger s. My Sister in law flew to older s’s graduation as well, and my longtime friend and the woman that helped raise younger s (like a nanny ) came to his graduation as well, so it worked out. Not ideal, but it was waht it was. Each s offered to fail a year so tht we wouldnt have the conflict. We told them that wouldnt be necessary…</p>
<p>Luckily, I have not had this situation with regard to graduations. And I do think you should work out what feels right for your family as each family differs on this stuff. </p>
<p>If it were me, I would split up so that each child had a parent at their graduation. I do not think it has anything to do with how big the college is or if names are called and diplomas given out. It is about being there for the occasion. That’s what I (or my kids) would care about, not the specifics of the ceremony. So, if I were in your shoes, I would have one parent at each child’s ceremony and then whatever family members were possible at each. If possible, after the high school graduation, those who were at that (such as the parent who attended and that sibling) would try to make the departmental graduation at the college and then all go out to celebrate that evening both wonderful occasions. </p>
<p>I have a daughter graduating college this year from a very large university. There are in fact, two graduations on two separate days…one for the university and one for the school she attends within the university. She will not be handed her diploma at either one. But the occasion is very special and we will be there as will grandparents. We are already dealing with the fact that her sister, who is in grad school in another city who would never ever want to miss anything this important of her sister’s (she even travels to many of her sister’s performances) is upset because the graduation falls on her final presentation day for her grad school semester which she can’t miss. I don’t think she can be at her sister’s graduation as I don’t see how. Even that is upsetting and she is just the sister and not the parent. And my D who is graduating will not have her name called out or walk across any stage. But being at graduation is something that family would never miss.</p>
<p>Asking the Ds is a great idea. DD2 doesn’t even want to attend her own HS graduation. The expectation for her and DD1 was to go to college so they see this as a short stop. Given all that, I would still be inclined to split up and cover both. We try to make sure someone is there for every event (both DDs wondered why we bothered with the annual NHS award ceremony but DW and I think it’s important to be there).</p>
<p>It’s good that you are asking the kids for input. Personally, I am kid #2 out of three, and things devolved from whole family at kid #1 for HS and College, and whole family at kid 2 HS, and College, but only mom for grad school, and less than whole family for kid #3 HS (but both parents were there). I think the first kid usually gets more attention for these things, but this is a personal decision. I had a friend who split up with her H when HS and college coincided for her two kids.</p>
<p>To me, the HS graduation was not full of parties with friends (there were some), and without family to celebrate would have been bleak. For college, if I had no one, I would have skipped it. I was lucky to have immediate family and some extended family. For grad school, my dad had already passed away, and only mom came, but since a lot of people had just the parents or only one parent for various reasons, this worked out fine. We actually had fun going to the various receptions together.</p>
<p>We were one year away from having this fiasco occur! Our kids are luckily 5 years apart. But if they had been 4 years apart, the college and high school graduation would have been on the very same day (on different coasts). </p>
<p>We would have split the attendance–one parent to the college graduation, one parent to the high school graduation.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the thread, but I’d go to the college graduation. High school graduation is not an achievement in the least. It’s a trivial accomplishment if one’s mother wasn’t a crackhead.</p>
<p>Our HS’s graduation isnt trivial-- it is a <em>big</em> beal. There is a convocation with full dinner afterwards (and my s got an award he wasnt expecting ans was heading to the bathroom when his name was called!) Friday night and then graduation Sat morning, where each graduate is called up individually, acknowledged what awards/honors/scholarships they have won and where they are going to college, and given their diploma by the head of school. They go up a big set of stairs to a palladium platform and then down the other side. Missing it just isnt an option, for parent or child (PS this is a private HS, not a public one).</p>
<p>While it’s true that families may have differing attitudes, temperaments and priorities about things, it would not make a difference to me if my child told me not to worry about attending or that it wasn’t a big deal to him/her. For one thing, people(even adults ) can’t always predict how they will really feel. And some kids will pick up on the parent’s attitude and say what they think you want to hear. </p>
<p>Actually, if I believed that they truly <em>wouldn’t</em> care, that might even make me feel more determined to attend rather than less. It’s important to me ( I’m only speaking for myself and realize there’s no universal right and wrong) to role model for my children that family occasions and important milestones count. So regardless of the specifics, the venue, the pomp and circumstance of the particular occasion or even its significance to them - I’d want them to have the knowledge and memory that it was significant to us.</p>
<p>roshke, I’m with you. I am not judging others. But for me, it is important for family to share significant events. The specifics of the event are not what is important. It is the significance of the occasion and the milestone.</p>
<p>Dontno…not sure if you are a student. But to a parent, graduating high school isn’t so much an accomplishment (it is expected) but it is a very significant milestone…the end of formal required education and the transition into adulthood and for many, also leaving home. For a parent, this is HUGE.</p>
<p>Having just been through this (thanks, my-3-sons for remembering that it was me who had the conflicting HS/College graduations) I can reiterate that even if a child says it isnt important to them to attend, you dont really know that until you are part of the ceremony. And I agree with Roshke–it was very meaningful to me to be at DS’s HS graduation, and to have his longtime babysitter there, and to get a photo of him with his favorite Chemistry teacher who said wonderful things about him that neither of us will ever forget. I am very sad that I could not be at DS’s college graduation that was going on simultaneously, and am sorry that I missed the parties and meals and such, but DH and his sister were there and I know having family at his graduation weekend meant a lot to my S. </p>
<p>THis is a tough decision-- I hated that I had to make it. But for us is was a no-brainer-- we just had to decide who would attend which event- not whether or not to skip one in favor of the other. Good luck!</p>
<p>I would choose the HS graduation. It’s a no brainer for me and I can’t imagine any circumstance that would change this. I think both parents should be there.
HS graduation is when a child becomes an adult, then end of K-12 schooling.</p>
<p>^^^ Just curious, justamom-- why would you skip the college graduation? My s’s college (graduation) class was only about 700 students, and his individual major/program had its own event the night before, with an intimate gathering of the graduates of the School of engineering and their families. If he was not there, or had been there alone with no family, it woudl have been terrible, IMO.</p>
<p>My HS graduation class was bigger than my college graduation glass, but I cant imagine having missed either or having been there without family. JMO</p>