<p>I knew it was all going too smoothly. My son found out who his roommate is and it seems like a good fit. We are planning a get-together with the roommate's family soon so we can all meet. However, I just found out that the roommate is bringing a TV and an Xbox for the room. I am worried beyond belief. My son has ADD and we have worked so hard with him on staying focused and avoiding distractions and putting school before video games. I think an Xbox in a freshman boys' dorm room is just asking for them to flunk out. Their focus should be on classes, of course, but also on getting out of their room and getting involved in clubs and activities. Am I crazy? Am I way over-reacting to this? And if not, how can I tactfully suggest, when we all meet, that maybe the Xbox should stay at home, at least for the first semester? If the roommate insists on bringing it, then what? Is there anything I can do? There is a part of me that thinks my kid can handle this - I mean, he's technically an adult and sooner or later, he needs to figure out, on his own, how to handle the many distractions in life. But an Xbox in the room right off the bat? That just can't be a good idea.</p>
<p>This is a horrible idea, and I’d also be worried. My son has one more year of high school and is also a gamer, so I know how these things can suck a kid in. However, I think I’d just mention it to the other parent once, then spend the rest of your time and energy preparing your son to resist the Xbox temptation. You really don’t have a say in what the other kid brings (you just have to hope that it’s, say, a Swiffer, and not a gaming console!), so your main focus should be on getting your son ready to deal with whatever comes.</p>
<p>If this were my kid (and it very well might be, this time next year), I think I’d try to get him to see gaming as a privilege that he has to earn after completing his work for the day. Since he has ADD, he probably has a system for dealing with his responsibilities (lists and calendars, for example). I think I’d have him add the Xbox as a “task” at the end of the day, after he has finished the work that needs to be done. And maybe he could also set his alarm not just to get up, but to go to bed in time to get enough sleep. (My son has trouble with this, especially in the summer.) When the alarm goes off, it’s time to wrap up the game and get ready for bed.</p>
<p>This way, even if the other kid brings his Xbox, at least your son has some way of staying on track.</p>
<p>Um…you are planing a get together with the roommate and his family? Honestly, I find that odd. Usually the college students handle their own roommate stuff, and the parents take a behind the scenes spot.</p>
<p>I would let these two college students work this out. </p>
<p>When we sent my oldest son off to college my husband thought he had a 50/50 chance of not succeeding because of video games. I was worried too. But you can’t control what they do when they are gone, and in my case it worked out fine. I suggest you make sure he understands your expectations, grade wise, and let him figure things out from there. Good luck.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m interpreting this wrong…but it sounded to me like the OP was planning a get together with the roommates family so they could all meet. </p>
<p>We DID meet the parents of both of our kids…but it was more happenstance than a planned meeting. And we left the details if living together up to the college students.</p>
<p>I do understand the OP’s concern about her son. But really, even if HIS roommate doesn’t have an xbox, what is to prevent this college student from going next door or down the hall to find a gaming console?</p>
<p>While that’s also not ideal, in that case, it at least means the OP’s room isn’t TV/gaming central so when he is done with gaming, he could at least get some undisturbed sleep.</p>
<p>Everyone I knew whose room was TV/gaming central ended up flunking out or coming close to doing so not only because they had the tv/gaming system in the room, but also because their room became the go-to room for everyone on the wing/floor/dorm to go to socialize, watch TV, game, etc. </p>
<p>Personally, if I was OP’s S, I’d want to have a discussion about ground rules of when the gaming system/TV could be used to ensure I at least…could get enough sleep for my morning classes, not find my room being turned into a public lounge, and so I don’t end up desiring to strangle my roommate like I sometimes felt like doing to one roommate who was addicted to MUDs to the point he kept me up all night until I insisted he take his computer outside our room after midnight to play as the noise and light kept me up. </p>
<p>I think you are all underestimating the number of dorm rooms that have video game systems/TVs in them. All of my daughter’s friends (and she is a straight A honors student) have access to some system in their room/suite and/or have a DS handheld system of their own. It is unlikely that your son’s room will become the video game hang out since kids who really want to play will bring their own system. Every kid will also have a computer where they can play video games (there are tons of game emulators out there for them to use). </p>
<p>I think this is a part of growing up and learning - he and his roommate will need to set boundaries - but they will need to set rules about lots of things - noise, visitors, lights out time, etc.- this will just be a part of that.</p>
<p>Yeah, no, you are overreacting. Many (most?) college students bring some form of gaming console for freshman year dorms. Even if they didn’t bring one, many dorms have them in common areas that anyone can use. It’s your son’s responsibility to manage his time well at school.</p>
<p>the roommates can work out times when there is no gaming in the room, if that needs to happen. The RA can help, if needed.</p>
<p>Just b/c you bring a video game system doesn’t mean you are playing it all night. Your kid can also get out sometimes and study in other places around campus.</p>
<ol>
<li>It’s a little weird that the families are meeting (But this is besides the point)</li>
<li>Tons of college students do this. It’s very common</li>
<li>It’ll actually help him make friends. People want to go to the room with the Xbox.</li>
<li>You can’t stop the roommate. If he brings it, he brings it.</li>
</ol>
<p>If your son can’t handle college with an Xbox in the room, he can’t handle college.</p>
<p>I, too, think you are being a little too “helicopter” on this one. My S took his PS3 and his roommate brought an Xbox and TV. And both of them kept their grades up fine. At this point, the student should be responsible enough to monitor his game playing. And if he is not - he’s not ready for college.</p>
<p>As a parent, I would have been highly offended (and pissed off) if some other parent tried to tell me what my son could and could not bring to college (as long as it was legal, haha). Back off, IMO.</p>
<p>If your S has problems with having a gaming system in his room, then he needs to think of strategies to help such as studying in the library, etc. Oh, and a responsible roommate will also bring headphones so your S doesn’t have to listen to the sounds. </p>
<p>You are overreacting. My nephew had an amazing gaming system in his room at Rice with overhead projectors and the works. He was a Goldwater scholar and is now a grad student at MIT. Videogaming with friends is how he relaxes. In many ways it’s more social than playing computer games which can suck you in just as much. </p>
<p>If the xbox ends up being too distracting he’ll need to work out some ground rules for its use and he may also want to do more studying in the library and other places that have less distractions. If he (not you) is willing to suggest earphones, that seems like a great compromise.</p>
<p>My younger son worked a lot in the dorm lounges freshman year because his roommate went to bed much earlier than he did and he hated to disturb him.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone - you are making me feel better. Let me start out by saying that it IS a little weird that we are getting the families together (we did not do this with our daughter when she went off to college, although we have ended up becoming friends with her roommate’s parents and get together for dinner whenever we are all in the same town). But in this case, it turns out that we just happen to live very close to each other and we have mutual friends in common, so we’ve decided to get all the families (including the mutual friends) together. Still weird? Probably. But if anyone’s interested, I’ll check back and let you know how it goes and whether I’d recommend meeting the roommate’s family ahead of time.</p>
<p>As far as being too worried, I guess I need to take a deep breath and hope for the best. My daughter does not have a gaming console at college and neither do any of her friends, including the boys. But, she is a senior and I’m sure things have changed in the last few years even. And, she goes to a college that is considered much more academically-oriented (as in, no Greek system, low attendance at football games, you get the picture). So maybe it’s a different environment.</p>
<p>I will have to hope that all the years of working on his ADD has given my kid the tools he needs to focus in college. That’s a big hope, but he’s an adult now and he has to figure it out. Thanks for all the feedback!</p>
<p>Good Luck to you. My S2 lived in a four room suite (8 guys). There was a video system in all four rooms. It’s what guys do. He’ll figure it out.</p>
<p>My son will be a sophomore this year and freshman year he brought his Xbox to college and he and his roommate also had a TV in their room and it worked out fine, no problems we’re aware of. He had a 3.5 GPA so I can’t say that having an Xbox or TV in a room is necessarily going to affect a student. Other kids in the co-ed hall also had game consoles and TV’s in their rooms.</p>
<p>We only met our son’s roommate’s family on move-in day. We visited (1800 miles away) numerous times during the school year, including Family Weekend, and then helped son move-out and return home for the summer, and never came across roommate’s parents again.</p>
<p>Gaming systems are just one of many distractions in the dorm. Encourage your S to get in the habit of doing his serious studying in the library. This worked for my kids who all took video games to college.</p>
<p>ITA with PackMom. It’s what guys do. Though probably my son wouldn’t bother dragging along his gaming console, because now he and his friends have all switched to computer-based games. </p>
<p>I don’t think it’s that weird to meet roommate and his parents, especially if you live near each other. I met D’s roommate and parents at orientation and the mother and I exchanged a few emails re: who was going to purchase the fridge and who would purchase the printer. D and roommate ended up being best friends and now, five years later, will probably end up being maid of honor in each other’s weddings. The parents are still all on friendly “Christmas card” terms. </p>
<p>Good luck - most of them survive freshman year just fine. </p>