Yay another SAT Essay!!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Any generous souls care to grade? Thanks mucho. I followed all the time and space limits, etc. Please grade on 1-6 scale.</p>

<p>Prompt: CB Blue book #1
What motivates people to change?</p>

<p>Response:
Like the ephemeral seasons, the tides, or even the latest fashion trends, almost all elements of life are susceptible to the constant force of change. The world is not a static place; rather, it is dynamic and unpredictable, a fact that worries or scares many people. It is true that change brings risks and uncertainty, yet a world without chnage would be unhealthy, stagnant, and dull. Ultimately, a knowledge of this important truth as well as the impetus of new experiences and outlooks on life, inspire all people to undergo change, as can be seen in both historical accounts and personal experiences of everyday people.
Arguably one of the most significant changes that the United States has undergone as a nation came with the abolition of slavery following the Civil War in the 1860's. This change most certainly did not occur overnight; instead, it took decades of work by abolitionists and four years of war to bring about. However, it is clear that this change was motivated by new perspectives about the immorality of slavery that swept through the northern states. New experiences, new teachings, and new writings such as Uncle Tom's Cabin, slowly aided in the realization that slavery was cruel and ghastly. Suddenly citizens of America began to see an antequated tradition and way of life as horrific, and this new outlook led them to strive for change. Without a doubt, these new perspectives brought about the changes that ended slavery.
From personal experience, I understand just how easily new experiences can motivate change. For many years, I had never even come close to considering medicine as a career, and none of my studies or interested were in any way focused on that profession. All of that changed over the course of a few weeks, when I got to spend time in a South American hospital watching doctors at work saving lives and aiding people that would suffer severely otherwise. This enlightening experience showed me vividly and first-hand a side of medicine that I'd only seen on television. That single experience inspired me to have a new interest in medicine, which might very well become my future career. This experience convinced me of the power of a new perspective to encourage and motivate change.
Whether it be a lesson from history or an intimate personal account, there is no doubt that new experiences and shifts in an outloook on life can motivate drastic changes. As each person journeys through the complexities of life, the people, places, and events that he or she encounters motivate change on even the deepest levels.</p>

<p>Whew! Thanks again!</p>

2

<p>bump please grade</p>

3

<p>4 or 5 i'd say</p>

4

<p>really...was it that bad?</p>

5

<p>although im not a great essay person or whatever, from what i have seen from other essays and the grades they recieved, i would give you a 5 or 6</p>

6

<p>Wow, thats an awesome job in just 25 minutes. Anyways, a score of 4, or 8 total is ridiculous. Based on the many essays I have read and seen the score of on collegeboard, thats an 11 or 12 total.</p>

7

<p>Paragraph spacing!</p>

<p>
[quote]

Like the ephemeral seasons, the tides, or even the latest fashion trends, almost all elements of life are susceptible to the constant force of change. The world is not a static place; rather, it is dynamic and unpredictable, a fact that worries or scares many people. It is true that change brings risks and uncertainty, yet a world without chnage would be unhealthy, stagnant, and dull. Ultimately, a knowledge of this important truth as well as the impetus of new experiences and outlooks on life, inspire all people to undergo change, as can be seen in both historical accounts and personal experiences of everyday people.</p>

<p>Arguably one of the most significant changes that the United States has undergone as a nation came with the abolition of slavery following the Civil War in the 1860's. This change most certainly did not occur overnight; instead, it took decades of work by abolitionists and four years of war to bring about. However, it is clear that this change was motivated by new perspectives about the immorality of slavery that swept through the northern states. New experiences, new teachings, and new writings such as Uncle Tom's Cabin, slowly aided in the realization that slavery was cruel and ghastly. Suddenly citizens of America began to see an antequated tradition and way of life as horrific, and this new outlook led them to strive for change. Without a doubt, these new perspectives brought about the changes that ended slavery.</p>

<p>From personal experience, I understand just how easily new experiences can motivate change. For many years, I had never even come close to considering medicine as a career, and none of my studies or interested were in any way focused on that profession. All of that changed over the course of a few weeks, when I got to spend time in a South American hospital watching doctors at work saving lives and aiding people that would suffer severely otherwise. This enlightening experience showed me vividly and first-hand a side of medicine that I'd only seen on television. That single experience inspired me to have a new interest in medicine, which might very well become my future career. This experience convinced me of the power of a new perspective to encourage and motivate change.</p>

<p>Whether it be a lesson from history or an intimate personal account, there is no doubt that new experiences and shifts in an outloook on life can motivate drastic changes. As each person journeys through the complexities of life, the people, places, and events that he or she encounters motivate change on even the deepest levels.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Especially with no indent, it's painful reading just a large blob of text like that. I won't assign it a grade, as I definitely don't have a qualified opinion, but yeah...I think the introductory paragraph is nice and flowery, but it states things several times over and doesn't cut to the point. The transition between paragraphs 2 and 3 could also use work - it goes from the civil war to your personal experience without any transition stage. One minute it's "...ending slavery" and the very next it's "From my personal experience"...you need a connecting thread.</p>

8

<p>I must commend you on your diction, especially with the similes in the beginning. Graders also like what you did in the second paragraph, which was backing your idea with an event (a book would work just as well). Addinh yout own personal experience was also a nice touch. I'd probably give it a 4-5 out of 6.</p>

9

<p>Did you read my post about my idiot friend who got a 12? Your essay is much better than hers; however, that doesnt mean much, i guess... i would say 10-11/12 as well.</p>