yes, another "my roommate sucks" thread

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I go to a pretty good university and I live in the dorms. I've enjoyed dorm life so far, with one pretty significant exception - my roommate is ... well... crazy! =/ this might end up as a disorganized list of grievances but anyway here goes...</p>

<p>She just does the most frustrating things. First, she had a bf that lives off campus and so she's stayed with him overnight for almost the whole semester (she doesn't sleep in the room more than once or twice a week). that's fine with me because it means i have the room to myself a lot. but when she does come in, it's hell... sometimes she'll walk in at 4 or 5 in the morning on school days, slam the door, turn the lights on, sometimes even switch the TV on, and then leave without turning anything off. last Wednesday I had actually gotten to sleep early for once because i had a very important exam the next day and in she walked at 3 AM, popping popcorn, watching TV and talking on the phone. i told her i was trying to sleep and she completely ignored me. </p>

<p>She has brought men over before (yes, men other than her "boyfriend" but i figure it's really none of my business). this has happened like 3 times. I probably shouldn't care, but given that she's so discourteous to me I feel like I'm not completely wrong in expecting that she would think before having the gall to ask me to leave the room all night. </p>

<p>she wears my clothes. A LOT. i've asked her, practically begged her, to start asking before just rooting through my closet, but she won't budge. she RUINED my favorite blouse by spilling soy sauce all over it, now seriously, how does that even happen. she even gets in my drawers and goes through my jewelry. </p>

<p>she NEVER locks the door. the door stayed open the whole four days of Thanksgiving break (I know this because she left campus right after I did, and I got back before she did and the door was wide open). she'll leave for hours and hours without locking it. and we live on the ground floor next to a big study lobby so there are people from different dorms in and out all day using the bathroom, getting on elevators to go up to their rooms, etc. it's just stupid. </p>

<p>she does strange things and tries to act like we're best friends. a couple of weeks ago I was in the library studying and i got an email saying i'd been tagged in a post on FB. i looked and my roommate had posted a status saying something to the effect of "at the movies and then going to the club with mah girls xx, xx, and favorite roomie ever [my name]!" i obviously wasn't with her, and when i asked her about it the next day, she said she was hurt that i didn't value her friendship without offering any explanation as to why she had totally lied. </p>

<p>she also spreads rumors about me. she says TERRIBLE things about me to people around the dorm and i have to tell them to just ignore her. she claims it's just for fun but when I have people banging on my door to yell at me about this or that it's no laughing matter. Sometimes she'll come into the room and just start yelling at me, calling me a b<em>tch and a sl</em>t and etc. we once very nearly got in a fistfight for no reason because she was so angry. </p>

<p>this one is none of my business, but she's a total spending freak. she goes out to buy new clothes like every week. she just discards the old ones on the floor (her side of the room is COVERED in spilled food and drinks and hair and nails and clothes) and she still feels the need to take my clothes. </p>

<p>The incident that motivated me to write this, though, occurred on Thursday... I had just walked in from class, and to my horror, the door was open and my ipod, laptop and laptop charger were gone. i went crazy and turned the room upside down, asking my roommate over and over if she'd seen anything, and she very deliberately acted victimized and accused me of trying to get her in trouble. i told my RA and she said that she would sent out a mass email (which she did). i was frantic and going crazy.
AND THEN.. Friday morning, my roommate wakes me up and hands me my laptop and ipod. she told me in a very mocking voice, "this is what could happen if you don't start locking the door." turns out she had had it all along, but hid it to teach me a lesson about locking the door (which I ALWAYS, ALWAYS do; the only time I don't lock it is if I walk across the hall to the bathroom or water fountain or something.). SHE'S the one that never locks the door! I went ballistic and yelled at her (i'm a pretty mild-mannered person; it takes a LOT to get me to that point) and then she ran off crying and told the RA that i was hitting her. She made this HUGE dramatic scene bawling in the middle of the hallway and practically screaming at the top of her lungs. it was RIDICULOUS and i stormed out. practically everyone posted about it on facebook.</p>

<p>anyway, i haven't seen her since then. I've talked to the RA about it and she's siding with my roommate. i just don't know what to do. yeah, there's a procedure for changing roommates but i don't WANT to move out of my dorm or have to deal with paying the moveout fee and stuff =/ anyone have any suggestions?...consolations?</p>

2

<p>omg. haha i wish i will never have such roommate.
Sound so terrible if what u told were true . Well,sorry,i have no suggestion since i have never lived in a dorm. But,cheer up? Don’t you have any friends who u can talk to at your school? Hmm…good luck :slight_smile: if i were u,i’d move out immediately from the beginning!</p>

3

<p>Suggest that she sees a counselor ASAP. I was only a previous Psych major but this sounds ALOT like Bipolar but you haven’t mentioned anything of depression so it may just be a personality disorder. She is clearly off her rocker.</p>

4

<p>Tell her boyfriend she’s ****ing other guys. Take pics or something.</p>

<p>Also, kick her ass, it might get you sent to another dorm but it’ll teach her a lesson.</p>

5

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<p>If by “another dorm”, you mean, getting suspended or possibly even arrested, then yeah, that’s a good idea. If the RA can’t or won’t handle the problem, you should take it up the food chain (hall director? Office of residential living?) If your roommate actually steals from you, that goes way beyond the usual roommate harassment (although the whole, turning the lights and TV on at 4am and just vanishing is pretty egregious too). You should report it, and don’t do anything that could get you in trouble before you do since that’ll just make her stronger.</p>

6

<p>She sounds mentally ill (or on drugs) to me. Document everything. If you communicate anything to her in emails or FB, print out hardcopies. Try to record a few conversations. Take pictures of your clothing (before and after). Have others on the floor who have witnessed her behavior speak on your behalf (as confirmation of your claims). Most importantly, find a friend now to room with for next Fall. </p>

<p>Don’t get into a pattern of spreading info about her behavior. No one likes a gossiper even if the stories are true. If she borrows your stuff (or hides, destroys) again, document it and go straight to the RA. If the RA continues to be of little help to you, go directly to the RD. </p>

<p>When you come back to campus after the winter break, bring a footlocker that can be locked with a padlock. When you leave your room, lock up your valuables in there–laptops, electronics, nicer clothes, etc. Keep your distance from her—meaning, be careful what you say to her. She sounds like the type that may be very good at twisting your words so they come back to bite you. Simply try to co-exist and keep your life completely separate from hers. When she asks questions, give vague answers or don’t answer at all.</p>

7

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<p>My roommate lives near our campus or has a ****buddy or something and he’s stayed somewhere overnight for almost the whole semester and hasn’t slept in the room more than once or twice the entire quarter</p>

<p>anyway, your roommate is schizophrenic or something. the first things you mentioned (boyfriend, other guys, leaving door open) are just irrelevant/discourteous, but every other story leads to schizophrenia. </p>

<p>forget the RA, they’re all b*tches. go to your dorms student housing, tell them the situation. if they do nothing, talk to your parents about either getting a new dorm or getting any extra room and board money you spent back and living in an apartment</p>

8

<p>

Seriously. Take this advice.</p>

<p>Get a lock box for valuables like this. Don’t leave jewelry where she can get it. Obviously get a big lock box like this that you can secure somewhere (like a cable around a bed post.
Just note- don’t leave this somewhere visible, as your roommate sounds like a total lunatic who would flip if you got one. Try under your bed.</p>

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<p>^^ Did you discuss any of these problems with the RA before the big blow-up last week? If you did not, do so immediately! If you did and she didn’t do anything about it, then go to the dorm director or whoever it is that ranks above the RA. Be prepared and bring a well-documented list of the specific problems (incl. any actual evidence that you have like written notes or your ruined blouse, the dates when these incidents occurred, etc.) and what you have already done to try and resolve this with your roommate. Above all, you need to stay calm and focused on the most important problems so that your concerns will be taken seriously. Do not act rashly and/or childishly; that just makes HER look like the victim!</p>

<p>I do agree with the other posters that it sounds like your roommate has some mental health issues. That makes your following procedures and documenting the problems just that much more important. A whole semester of this behavior has gone by and it’s way beyond time to act now. You need to get some resolution as soon as possible; perhaps there is a way to get you matched with a different roommate next semester.</p>

10

<p>Sounds like she’s trying to engage you in a struggle, and you only engage some of the time, which is the worst type of reinforcer.</p>

<p>I’d try to get out of this bad situation before you lose more than a laptop or ipod.</p>

11

<p>I’m not an expert or even anything among the lines, so take this with a grain of salt. However, I think this sounds like your usual insecure not-well-adjusted roommate who happens to be an over-privileged only child. Here’s why:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>As an only child, she probably got her own room (unless it’s the highly unlikely case that she shared a room with her parents), so she got to do whatever she liked to do without fear of consequences.</p></li>
<li><p>Within a family, pretty much everything is shared. She probably has not seen any other situation in which this was true, and considering that your possessions are also in “her room,” she would never think that it’s off-limits.</p></li>
<li><p>Children often lie and use drama to get their way. Going to college is not a magic trigger for suddenly growing up. In the very likely case that she’s “slow” by a few months (if not the case of years), lying and extorting you with the stolen items is a way for her to get what she wants. Alternatively, it may have never occurred to her that she was the one with the issue. From her point of view, it was you who was denying her the pleasure of watching TV or borrowing your things in a way that she thinks she is entitled to.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>More evidence of this comes from the excessive partying. It’s an indicator that without someone to exert a firm grip on her life, she can’t really control herself for her best interests.</p>

<p>You should have confronted your roommate and gone up to the RA before it got to this level. Completely ignoring your requests for the first time should have been enough for you to confront your roommate and get the RA to act as a mediator. At this point, your main option is to go up the chain.</p>

<p>If all else fails, move out: it’s a pain and there’s a fee, but no money can replace your sanity. The main point of having dorms is to transition you from living at home to living by yourself, but if the RAs and RDs don’t help you with the issue, they have failed their goal. Why put up with this BS?</p>

12

<p>i’m officially moving to another dorm come spring… i talked to my parents about it and they agreed it was for the best. i don’t know if my roommate knows yet, though. i’m scared to find out how she’ll react. :/</p>

13

<p>you need to start taking control of your life. seriously. the only reason she has been able to get away with all of the above is cause you let her. you need to be more firm and consistenly establish boundaries. these are useful skills for life actually you need to be able to handle these things. not trying to devalue your dilemma im just saying you need to stand up for yourself and let her know what isn’t okay and put her in her place.</p>

14

<p>dont be concerned about appearing nice/polite/‘good’. when someone violates your space you let them know and preferably not in a convent-nun way but in an emotional irrational way so she gets your point. see she basically has decided to not take you seriously at all. if you had been more terrifying it probably wouldve gotten the message across.</p>

15

<p>I would hope that the college would agree to a change of roommate. The question is: who is going to be stuck with her?</p>

<p>Meanwhile, I would ask a couple people who live nearby to lock your door for you if they ever find it unlocked while you are away.</p>

16

<p>Good, you should move to another dorm. This is ridiculous. I wouldn’t even tell her, just leave for Christmas, say bye, and when she comes back in the spring - whatever. Let them give her a single or someone else to harass.</p>

<p>And yeah, I agree with raison d’etre - don’t be too concerned with appearances. Document everything that you can, and when you have issues with her, let your RA know immediately so that when a major meltdown happens, she can roll her eyes instead of taking the roommate’s side.</p>

<p>Hopefully you won’t have to deal with it too much longer.</p>