Yet another roommate thread..

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>First off, let me just say that I'm a freshman at the University of North Texas, and I've found college life quite enjoyable. But unfortunately, everything I hear about roommates has rung true.</p>

<p>Now, I'm sure you guys have heard the worst of the worst when it comes to this sort of thing, and I'm not pretending that it's anywhere near those. I would just call my roommate more disappointing than awful.</p>

<p>For brevity's sake, let's call my roommate Jim. He's actually an alright guy when we get a conversation going, and we seem to get along fine enough. I could go on about the relatively minor negatives like laundry, money and all that, but I won't; it's just the first 6 months of my freshman year after all. What gets really gets me... not even frustrated anymore, more like astonished... is the fact that Jim never. leaves. the room.</p>

<p>Now, I'm not exactly the most outgoing person myself, but I get out. I go to events that interest me and try and be as sociable as I think appropriate. I've even started walking into the Old Downtown area about a mile or two away from my dorm and have found several places to eat and things to do. But Jim? Evidently he has a life back in his hometown because he goes back every weekend, which is fine (it's only maybe an hour away). But when he gets back for the week, he's only here for three things: eating, sleeping, and going to classes. If he's not doing any of those things, he's stalking Facebook, spending HOURS reading online manga or watching Hulu, or... well, sleeping some more.</p>

<p>Let me go into detail about those three things Jim does (sorry about the length of this). He does not post on Facebook, he stalks. I always see him on it if he isn't watching hulu, but I checked Jim's profile (we aren't friends on it) and his last post is in early OCTOBER. He just solely surfs through girls' pictures and Likes things. My friend back home wanted to add him, but I told her this and well... she didn't.
Now hulu and manga... Christ. I have nothing against watching TV, I love it (when I can find something decent), and manga is fine, whatever. But I do have something against turning off the lights and inverting the window blinds so that as little light as possible leaks in. Ok, I understand when the sun is right outside and there is indeed a glare on his monitor, but keeping the room in constant darkness from 8 a.m. when he wakes up until 6 p.m. when the sun sets is ridiculous. Any time he isn't actively watching TV/ reading manga I open the blinds so I myself don't feel like a damn cave troll. But that rare moment when he isn't plopped in front of his computer brings us to the sleeping.
He takes naps. Fine, my dad is old and I'm used to being quiet for a while. But for three hours? Every day?</p>

<p>I'm sorry, but I thought that you were my roommate, not the guy who just happens to have a bed and computer here. We rarely eat together because he's always asleep, we don't do anything together because he seems to have everything he needs in the room, and we never hang out with anyone because he hasn't made any friends. He hasn't even met our neighbors! His antisocial tendencies leach onto me, because I don't have that guy who I can hang out with and meet people with; I'm the guy who always eats alone, walks by himself, and is generally never seen with anyone else because I didn't have that first step of roommate>neighbors>dorm mates etc. I've had to force myself to get out and show my face about campus because, hell, I don't want to end up like Jim.</p>

2

<p>You will not end up like Jim…
You have to make a conscious effort to stay social and ignore Jim and his tendencies. If he doesn’t like social interaction, then leave it at that. But you must remember to observe him carefully, if he does start to act incredibly creepy, you must speak to someone because your description of him reminds me of that kid at Virginia Tech who shot everyone. That kid was freakishly antisocial - he didn’t even communicate with his roommate. As long as Jim doesn’t reach that stage, then just leave him to himself. But when things start getting really weird, you must get him help.</p>

3

<p>Your roommate is not under any obligation whatsoever to be your friend. So you have no room to complain about him refusing to be your social wingman. You are just going to have to get over that. I literally never once ate with my roommate last year and I think we went out maybe twice the whole year. We had nothing in common. She didn’t like me, I didn’t like her. That’s allowed, you know. And LOTS of people end up not being buds with their roommate. You need to get out of the idea that you’re somehow being cheated out of something here. Take responsibility for your own destiny and go be outgoing if you are so unlike Jim. You don’t need to leech off of him to make friends with your neighbors. </p>

<p>As for the rest, you can insist that there be light in the room during the day when you are there, and you are not obligated to sit in silence if he is sleeping in the middle of the day. Have you talked to him about any of this in order to make a compromise? I sleep in on the weekends and told my roommate she can have the lights on, tv on, guests over, whatever as long as it is past 8am. She slept the whole day for months at a time and when I came home at 5pm I turned the lights on if I wanted them on-- if she was sick, or this was a once in a while thing-- fine, I could give the girl a break, but dark silence every day is too much. You don’t have to let your roommate set all the rules, you know.</p>

4

<p>Unfortunately I got off on a bit of a tangent. It’s not so much that I want him to be my friend or anything, I just want him out of the room every so often. I actually do prefer to eat without him (he only ever uses the dorm’s cafeteria) and I gave up on trying to be silent when he’s always sleeping. It’s just that after I come back from classes or whatever, I always come back to a black room and see him doing nothing. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to room with someone who spends most of their day in the room.</p>

5

<p>I think you need to focus on yourself and stop focusing on Jim. </p>

<p>He leaves every weekend, which is actually a lot more alone time than some people get away from their roommates. So, it’s not as if you never have a breather from him. It may be a bit depressing to come home to a dark room, but in fact, that is what most people come home to (since most people don’t have roommates at all). Just flip on the lights (as long as you’ve talked with Jim and he agreed that was ok…I mean it would be ridiculous if he didn’t…but make sure you’ve tried to get his cursory ok so it doesn’t seem like you’re merely ignoring him), say hello, and go about your business.</p>

<p>I understand where you’re coming from because I actually had a great roommate who was my wingman, my friend, etc. I know it can be tough to not be friends…but trust me…it’s better to just not be friends than to be enemies. Have you heard the horror stories about ****ing/puking on roommate’s bed? Staying up until 2am on weeknights with “visitors” over and flipping the lights on? One of my friends had a conservative Christian roommate who would constantly watch those church shows on TV, sing hyms, and try to convert my friend. It didn’t help that my friend was also gay and said roommate liked to talk about how being gay was a sin but Jesus loves all sinners yadda yadda. Blech!</p>

<p>One thing I want to emphasize is that yes, you have a right to have some sunlight in the room and listen to some music and have friends over, but make sure you include Jim in the process. If he protests you may need to get an RA involved, but try not to treat him like a doormat, as much as he acts like one it seems. I think giving him the time of day and some hellos and goodbyes will make you feel less depressed as well. If you want, you can suggest some clubs for him to join (any anime/gaming/manga clubs on campus? I’m sure!) or otherwise try to nudge him out of the room, but at some point if he’s just antisocial (and possibly depressed or suffering social anxiety of some kind), you have to live with it and accept you can’t fix his problems.</p>

<p>You don’t need a wingman to meet your neighbors. It’s ok, they’re just one door over :slight_smile: Go for it :slight_smile: Tell them you were shy so you didn’t say hello in the beginning of the year…they’ll understand. And don’t forget to join clubs and go regularly. Eating out on town and going to lectures can be lonely. Try to join some of hte people on your floor for dinner and get out to more interactive/regular events on campus.Good luck.</p>

<p>I would say one of my mistakes in college was relying on my freshman dorm (specifically roommates/immediate neighbors) too much in college. Because of that, they were friends of convenience and not friends that had much in common with me. Over the years the friendships weakened, as I saw people who branched outside of the dorms and roommates develop stronger and deeper friendships with people in clubs and in activities they enjoy. It may be harder at first to not have the roommate bond, but in the end it can turn out better.</p>

6

<p>I think this is the lamest roommate issue I’ve ever seen on here.</p>

7

<p>I can kind of relate to both sides of the story, so maybe I can offer some input.</p>

<p>My roommate is pretty shy, and spends the majority of her time in the dorm. The small complaints really do add up after a while, especially when you’re stuck in a cramped room with the same person for such a long period of time. My roommate’s classes and mine are at the same time, so if I want privacy, I’m the one who has to leave the room. She spends most of her free time in the afternoon on Facebook or Youtube, and then stays up until 4 AM trying to finish her homework… she also refuses to go out to the library or study lounge down the hall at night, so I’m stuck sleeping with the lights on. So, as a whole, she’s pretty similar to Jim. (Albeit, her Facebook time isn’t spent stalking.)</p>

<p>On the other hand, I’m also pretty shy, and usually come home on the weekends just to have some time to myself. I think you just have to look at the situation from a larger perspective - although it’s grating at times to have a roommate who always stays in the dorm, it’s his/her dorm, and they technically have every right to do so. In the grand scheme of things, there’s much worse things he could be doing - throwing up on the floor, not showering, sexiling you every night, messing with your stuff, etc. He seems like an okay guy, and probably doesn’t even realize how much he’s annoying you.</p>

<p>I don’t mean to trivialize your complaints, because I can definitely see where you’re coming from, but try to compromise. I know that I personally have a difficult time getting myself involved in club activities, so it might be the same case with him - try inviting him out with you sometime, or offering up club suggestions. Anime Club, maybe? North Texas is a pretty big school, so it should have one, and I think it’d be right up his alley.</p>

<p>As for the nap problem, my roommate is the same way - except her daily naps are usually 3-5 hours, because she stays up so late at night. Maybe purchase a small desk lamp and open the blinds a little? That way, it should be dark enough for him to nap, and bright enough for you to avoid fumbling around in the dark.</p>