<p>To the OP- you said:
When mom comes home and over dinner asks Sarah if she has looked into University A, that is not interpreted as “oh mom must think this is good, maybe I should look into it” Instead its usually interpreted as “Mom must want me to go here, what do I do”. All it does is create stress and a state of despair for that student, they always feel as if they cant live up to mom or dad.</p>
<p>Actually, in our house, it worked out just opposite. Last night my son sent off the last off his college applications. Just recently he thanked me for suggesting a number of different schools to him. He said that if I hadn’t mentioned them, he would never have known much about them, nor looked at them seriously. He applied to several of the schools that I had suggested and he is quite happy with his college list. He feels that he would be very happy at any one of the schools (including his safeties) that he applied to and he credits that to me. I know him well and I found schools that I thought would be a good match for him. After looking at many of those schools, he agreed. Some of the schools I suggested he did not like after visiting them. But I don’t see that as a negative - visiting those “rejected” schools just firmed up in his mind what he really did want.
In the end, the list of schools he applied to was HIS list, not mine.</p>