<p>I’m surprised by what some of you seem to think of our military members and of the institution, itself. Also, with the cutbacks to some of the forces, it’s not a sure bet to get accepted. There are entrance exams and requirements.</p>
<p>While it is possible that the OP is a ■■■■■, I find the story plausible. CC parents far removed from the situation may assume that, if the story were to be true, the OP would be in a powerful and relatively safe position with respect to the younger brother, but I would doubt that. The OP has said repeatedly how strong the brother is, with the implication to me that the “little brother,” who apparently has his full share of rebelliousness, aggression, and anger for a boy his age, has possibly threatened or at least intimidated, if not physically assaulted, the OP on one or more occasions, at least based on my own anecdotal evidence from knowing similar sets of brothers (brothers usually compete, and the one whose only advantage is greater physical strength is likely to press that advantage). If the story is true, it is likely the OP is ambivalent with regard to the younger brother and possibly somewhat fearful.</p>
<p>■■■■■ or not, OP is someone with a lot of anger and hurt. Sounds like OP might benefit from some counseling to help him or her get a better handle on how to be constructive in talking with parents and siblings - and getting him- or her-self past this anger. It’s not healthy for OP, it’s not helpful for the family, and ultimately, the consequences will be tragic for the younger brother who desperately needs someone in his corner who isn’t upset at the unfair burden they have had to shoulder because he needs help and isn’t getting it from the right people.</p>
<p>Has your brother ever had a part-time job?</p>
<p>Football season is over, so he would probably have time to get one now. And it would be a good experience for him, I think. Even in a seemingly simple job, such as stocking shelves in a retail store, you learn about responsibility. For example, you learn how tough it is for everybody else if someone doesn’t show up, and that this is why people who don’t show up get fired. </p>
<p>Also, some kids who do not do well in school like working. The skills that are called for on the job – especially in jobs that do not require much in the way of education – are different from those that are needed for school. Someone who has not had much success in school might find a store, restaurant, or other workplace to be an environment where he can do better.</p>
<p>And if the work experience turns out well, your brother might be able to turn it into a full-time job when he graduates (I have seen this happen, for example, with students who got part-time jobs in supermarkets.) Even if this doesn’t happen, he will have previous work experience when the time comes to look for a full-time job.</p>
<p>Ideally, things will go the way UCBalumnus says. Either he will find that he likes whatever career path he has stumbled into or he will decide, at some point, to make one of the other choices UCBalumnus mentioned. There is no hurry. Community colleges, trade schools, and the military will all be there a year or two from now if he doesn’t decide to pursue one of these paths right after graduation. </p>
<p>I think for someone like your brother, a two-year associate degree program that leads directly into a type of work he would like would be ideal. But he may not be ready to tackle something like that right now, especially since it would mean more school, and school is not a happy environment for him.</p>
<p>“my parents don’t speak English too well”</p>
<p>By this I take it that the parents are immigrants who probably don’t know much about the younger child’s options, and who may have had both language and cultural barriers when dealing with that child’s earlier special education experience. If the school district did not have staff members who could successfully communicate with the parents, it is easy to see how this whole situation could have started - and just continued to worsen with time. The OP is more familiar now with the US educational system, and probably does possess the skills needed to help the people at the school find someone who can communicate more effectively with the parents.</p>
<p>That the parents need an interpreter to handle daily life (bills, etc.) is a shame. But it is not either child’s responsibility to do that. If the parents are not in a position to improve their language skills (and many working parents really, truly don’t have the time to do that), they should look for someone to hire to do that (if they can pay for the help), or they need to find businesses that offer them the services that they need who have bilingual staff. Hoping that the younger child who evidently has severe reading issues can just magically step up to the plate, is just plain misguided. </p>
<p>There is certain (very limited) evidence that in some rare cases individuals with severe processing issues along the dyslexia line face extra challenges when living with more than one language. The OP’s brother could fall into that special category. In which case it is even more imperative that he receive a thorough evaluation to bring his IEP up to date so that he can receive any services for which he qualifies while he is still in high school.</p>
<p>He may not be college material. If he’s good with his hands, find a trade that works for him.</p>
<p>The military is another option.</p>
<p>some people just “don’t do school”.</p>
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<p>Part of that is derived from the positive perceptions common among the Greatest Generation, Silent Generation, and some Vietnam Vet boomers that enlisting in the military right out of high school is a good way to get academically lagging students or those with disciplinary problems to gain some discipline, job skills, and an affiliation which may serve as a stepping stone to a secure working life…whether it’s a 20+ year military career or a trade profession/college after they’ve served their term. </p>
<p>It’s a reason why several working-class families in my old neighborhood and some branches of my extended family encouraged non-academically inclined children to consider the military as one of their post-high school options. </p>
<p>Moreover, enlisting in the military doesn’t necessarily mean the college option is closed forever as dozens of enlisted vet undergrads I’ve met have proven. In fact, after their military service most were much more mature, academically engaged, studious, and were otherwise far ahead of the 17-22 crowd. </p>
<p>This included a colleague who admitted he got academically expelled from his first undergrad and lost his scholarship for concentrating too much on his beer/partying, was ordered by his family to find a job or enlist in the army, chose the latter, took part in OIF 1, rose to become a drill sergeant, and then completed undergrad and law school with flying colors. At the time I met him, he was working as in house counsel for the firm we worked. </p>
<p>There were also some judges in the past which gave a first-time offender the option of joining the military in lieu of jail time. As a result of problems deriving from that practice, the services are now barred from accepting those enlisting under such terms.</p>
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<p>This sounds right.</p>
<p>He may not even be realizing what he’s doing. For some students, not understanding what’s going on in school is the norm, and the fact that other people get higher grades is bewildering. </p>
<p>If the problem had been dealt with years ago, perhaps something could have been done. But he’s a senior in high school now. There’s probably not enough time left to help him with his academic problems, but there is time for him to meet with his guidance counselor and talk about post-high school plans that are appropriate for him. Those plans are unlikely to include four-year college.</p>
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<p>Actually, military service is often the financial gateway to college education through the GI Bill benefits and the fact that veterans’ parents are no longer expected to contribute toward their college costs for financial aid calculation purposes.</p>
<p>But in this case, it looks like the hoped-for main benefit would be maturity, purpose, engagement, studiousness, etc…</p>
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In this day and age, he may not be accepted and, frankly, the military shouldn’t be seen as a dumping ground for people with other problems. Far better to find out what this young man’s actual problem is than to put him into a situation where he would likely be miserable and make others miserable.</p>
<p>This story makes me very sad. If ever there were a case of slipping through the cracks, this would be it.</p>
<p>I agree with other posters who are urging you to work with the school to get an educational assessment. I am wondering whether it might be possible for the young man to have an additional year in HS, to take advantage of any available help. With that GPA, it sounds like he may have some failed classes. Or is it the school policy to pass everyone rather than have to deal with kids needing extra years of schooling?</p>
<p>I’m surprised that he was able to be on the football team with those grades. </p>
<p>I’m hoping the educational assessment provides some direction, whether it is more schooling with appropriate help, or training for a trade. I know that, at least in this area, plumbers are having problems getting good help and apprentices. Our plumber had to reduce the size of his business because he couldn’t find enough good plumbers. He now has only one other plumber and one apprentice. Plumbers are well paid.</p>
<p>No, this is not a ■■■■■ post. Why would I make up some story like this?</p>
<p>The reason I’m so upset is because I’ve kept this inside for the past ten+ years. I’ve told no one. My parents wanted to keep this situation in house and not tell family or friends about my brother and his shortcomings. As far as my cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, and grandparents are concerned, they think he’s on his way to the college after he graduates high school. They ask him, “What do you think about majoring? What colleges are you looking at?” I just cringe, and slowly walk away as he makes up some response to continue this facade. We’re all in denial. That is the problem. </p>
<p>It doesn’t help that my parents (who are foreign) are out of touch with education here in the United States. My parents pushed me to be a doctor, so I took Biology, Chemistry, and Organic Chemistry my freshman year to see if I would like natural science (and I didn’t). I told them from the start that I wanted to study Applied Math or some sort of engineering, but my parents were like, “Oh anyone could be an engineer, that’s an easy major… Everyone is an engineer” when in fact, its one of the hardest majors and requires a high level of intelligence. My dad said he’d be happy if my brother got a degree in Computer Science, Engineering, or IT thinking it was some consolation prize, when in fact, these are some of the hardest majors…</p>
<p>I don’t know if records even exist anymore of my brother in special education (this was back in 2000-2002 and we have since moved). For the past 5+ years, we have spent over $15000+ on private tutors and meeting every week with his counselors. My parents hound me everyday about school. These past four years have honestly been such a blur. I blame myself for not caring or stepping sooner. His grades were terrible in middle school, and we all thought it was just a phase and he’d pick it up in high school. Next thing you know, its freshman year and he’s getting D’s and F’s in all of his classes. I go off to college far away and don’t see him for months at a time. Then, next thing you know its his senior year and nothing has changed and now everyone is scrambling around trying pick up the pieces. </p>
<p>Yes, he is on pace to graduate if he passes all of his classes this year. He’s always failed like 1-2 classes each year and either re-takes it over the summer or the next year. The easy classes like band or PE or Art which are designed to boost GPA… he gets like a C, sometimes a B – this is what keeps his GPA as high as it is. </p>
<p>He has zero sense of urgency and given his track record, he actually wants to go to college (or maybe he’s using this as a way to leave my parents I don’t know). He’s somewhat delusional and looks down on community college, saying “Man, I don’t want to go to community college. That’s where all of the weird kids and idiots go.” </p>
<p>Also, he’s not mentally ■■■■■■■■ and doesn’t have down syndrome. Sorry, if I didn’t make that clear. He doesn’t have any signs of autism or any other social anxiety disorder. He doesn’t make random noises or is crossed-eyed or has hands pointed in weird directions/handicapped or throws tandrums like a kid you would find in a special ed class. And, this is what makes it most difficult because it doesn’t look like anything is actually wrong with him and makes my parents reluctant to put him in special ed (he wouldn’t agree to it anyways, he’s obviously self-aware and knows what it would to him socially and among his peers). </p>
<p>When he talks, once in a while its hard to understand maybe because he has a deepish voice and talks kind of fast but don’t get me wrong, he can communicate fine. This one time when he was reading out loud (back in 2008, he was helping me with my school project), I noticed he would read each word at a time and have a very very slight pause between each word that it didn’t flow at all. As if his brain couldn’t process an entire sentence and read thinking about the next few words so you didn’t have to stop and think after each word (don’t get me wrong, he didn’t wait 2-3 seconds after each word, it was more 0.05 seconds but it was apparent his sentence didn’t flow at all). This is only when reading though.</p>
<p>Don’t mean to double post, but the big issue here isn’t that he’s not going to college. That’s probably the least of my concern. Both of my parents didn’t go to college either, but the thing is that they both were business-savy and quick witted. In other words, they were street smart and knew how to plan. My brother is none of that. He isn’t accountable for anything. Is immaturity the problem?</p>
<p>" As if his brain couldn’t process an entire sentence and read thinking about the next few words so you didn’t have to stop and think after each word (don’t get me wrong, he didn’t wait 2-3 seconds after each word, it was more 0.05 seconds but it was apparent his sentence didn’t flow at all). This is only when reading though."</p>
<p>It probably ISN"T only when he is reading, it is just that YOU were able to see it then. If it is a processing issue, it will affect his comprehension (because he’s too busy sorting out the words to understand them) and math (because he’s too busy sorting out the symbols to remember that 2 was the number before the + that is before the 2 he’s looking at right now). In other words, just about every single academic class will be problematic. Think of it this way: you are flying down a four-lane freeway at 75 mph when suddenly you encounter a jam caused by construction that has narrowed that four lanes down to one. By the time you get through that jam 30 minutes and 2 miles later, you probably don’t remember much of anything from just before you encountered that jam.</p>
<p>There are work-arounds for processing issues, but the issue needs to be identified first so that the student can start to learn those work-arounds. You write that your brother “wouldn’t agree” to special education. Until he knows what that would mean in his case now, he has no reason to fear alienation from his pals. In a well run high school, identification as a special ed student could mean that he has one class period a day where he works with a resource teacher on developing his academic skills, and planning for his post-high school life, and all of the rest of his classes would be with his peer group. But the biggest change could be that once he has that updated IEP, his regular classroom teachers will be formally charged with helping him learn how to study better using guidelines developed by the special education staff. In essence, they will finally be given permission and access to expertise to help him become his own best self. I can almost guarantee that most of his teachers will be absolutely delighted to finally have the go-ahead to help him. Many of them must be extremely frustrated that his own family can’t be bothered to insist on the IEP. And yes, that is how teachers see it: not that a student is “dumb”, but that the student’s own parents are at best neglectful or even worse, deliberately obstructive.</p>
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<p>Agreed. Unfortunately, it was regarded as such as recently as the 1960’s by some judges who would sentence offenders to a choice of jail or enlistment in the military. </p>
<p>One of the problems the US military encountered with soldiers who enlisted with lagging academic or disciplinary issues was increasing crime within the armed forces against fellow soldiers, the local civilian population, and/or POWs. </p>
<p>One good example of this was Lt. William Calley who was a key instigator of the My Lai Massacre. Prior to enlisting in the army, he was a 1964 community college dropout whose record consisted of “…two Cs, one D, and four Fs” who drifted throughout the US performing odd jobs until he received his draft notice in 1966. </p>
<p>Not only was he accepted as an enlisted soldier, he was selected to go off to officer training and became a platoon commander. According to one report, “Men in his platoon reported to army investigators that Calley lacked common sense and could not read a map or compass properly.”. The antipathy against him among his own men were such that they reportedly considered assassinating or “fragging him”.</p>
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<p>What do you mean? Recommending a person who struggles in school yet showed an interest in coast guard and navy football teams attempt to join the military doesn’t mean someone thinks the military is full of people who couldn’t go to college due to bad grades and tests. I know the military is full of people from all backgrounds. Some go because it’s family history. Some can’t see themselves not doing it. Some need the discipline. Some want to be career military. There are lots of reasons. Most military are average everyday guys and average everyday students. Yes, the downsizing is going to affect his eligibility but he should at least try. There’s nothing wrong with trying.</p>
<p>My understanding is that it is getting harder and harder to get into the military. A weak economy brings out more volunteers as does the end of war.</p>
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<p>People with an IQ of say 85 (one standard deviation below the mean) look “normal” but are meaningfully less intelligent than people of IQ 100, the average. Graduating from a high school with reasonable standards will be a struggle, as it has been for your brother.</p>
<p>Yes, if he’s still in school, someone still has his special ed records but he probably doesn’t need that. Special ed kids don’t have to look or act different. What he needs now is a new assessment. If your parents (or he) request it in writing, the school will have to start the ball rolling to see what his issues are. They will likely do a psychoeducational battery-- the kind of testing that costs thousands of dollars privately. Even though he may graduate, they can write up an IEP that could get into place the kind of supports he needs in remedial classes at the cc and for rehabilitation services. He may benefit from books on tape, extended time, etc. Books on tape could actually help him process the material better. I’m not suggesting he attend college as a regular, degree-seeking student. I am saying that the community college may have remedial classes that will help students who, like your brother, do not have SAT scores that show that they are ready for college-level work. My concern is not his ability to attend college, but his ability to function at the level required for a job. </p>
<p>If his reading/ comprehension is weak, another place to look is your local library. The librarians may be able to connect you to a local adult literacy center where there may be free or low-cost reading tutoring. </p>
<p>And last, perhaps someone should call Job Corps. I’ve not had anyone in my family use it but I’ve heard good things. I know they provide residential and non-residential job training for young people. <a href=“http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx[/url]”>http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx</a></p>
<p>Here is the eligibility criteria:
<a href=“http://www.jobcorps.gov/Libraries/pdf/eligibility_factsheet.sflb[/url]”>http://www.jobcorps.gov/Libraries/pdf/eligibility_factsheet.sflb</a></p>
<p>According to this (<a href=“http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=56226[/url]”>http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=56226</a>), if your family’s income isn’t low enough, they will look at just his income once he’s over 18yo. And, once again, being identified as special ed or having an IEP can help him qualify for this. (One more reason to ask the school for testing now even though he may graduate in months. Oh, and if they call your parents and suggest that it’s too late, have your parents or brother explain that you understand that you need this in his record now to be used past high school.)</p>
<p>Your obvious ignorance regarding persons with mental and learning disabilities, including the way they look, how they act, what they are capable of is staggering, and frankly offensive. </p>
<p>It’s a shame that while you were sitting in your ivory tower looking down passing judgement on your brother you could have been an advocate for him, insisting that he receive testing for proper diagnosis and services at school. Students are legally entitled to an education in the least restrictive environment. In your brothers case I would put money on that being done through co-taught, mainstream classes. Normal classes with normal students where a resource teacher assists a few students in the class who may need extra help…giving class notes instead of the student taking them, personally collecting hw, whatever is in the students iep. The idea that his available, or appropriate, educational services were a contained classroom or no services at all is ludicrous. I would urge an evaluation with a neuropsychologist as well as a complete physical. It’s the most comprehensive evaluation and can uncover things that have been overlooked his entire life. He deserves this.</p>