<p>oh god, i know this story…</p>
<p>i’m in a somewhat similar situation, except with my older sister. the bit you posted about your brother always being at the back of your mind…haha, i know exactly what you mean. sometimes i wish i could just get the hell away from the problem, and i’m secretly so glad i’ll be going away to university next year but i know i won’t ever be able to distance myself from her predicament.</p>
<p>but yeah it’s not unusual to feel ashamed or embarrassed about your brother’s lack of motivation & “slowness” as you termed it. i feel that way too about my sister. i love her and i want the best for her but it’s so damn frustrating sometimes, and i feel like she doesn’t give credence to anything i say. </p>
<p>and i think know what you mean about your parents making excuses for him…mine are constantly saying, “don’t worry about her, it’s just a phase,” and such.</p>
<p>i think the most important thing you could do is get your parents to see sense - do whatever it takes to convince your parents to seek outside/professional help. i’m a first generation immigrant as well (i’m assuming you are one from your comment about your parents being unable to speak english fluently?) and, excuse my stereotyping, but immigrant families tend to value privacy very highly and be less open to accepting the existence disabilities or mental illnesses. but for my sister it was really important for her to hear from a new face that she had to get her life back on track. if it’s just you and your family repeating the same advice again and again, your brother will get desensitized to it and ignore it.</p>
<p>additionally, if he does suffer from any learning disabilities, it’s important to get them diagnosed so he can work on overcoming them. on top of that, it’s really important for your family to understand that there are many viable career options that don’t require a college degree. like your parents, my parents grew up poor and came here on their own merit, and they expected their children to overachieve the way they did. they never considered anything other than helping their children get into prestigious schools and entering lucrative professions, etc. </p>
<p>however, going to college doesn’t really seem like a good decision for your brother right now especially since he doesn’t seem academically inclined, and since he’s proven that he can’t thrive in that kind of environment. he should speak to his guidance counselor about other options.</p>
<p>and i don’t mean to sound patronizing, but please remember to take care of yourself as well! what’s done is done, so it doesn’t help to dwell on past mistakes or wonder if this situation might’ve been prevented if you’d acted earlier. it’s good that you’ve finally found an outlet to share your problems, but it’d probably be even better if you had a close friend or two you could explain the situation to. i was really anxious about sharing my family issues with any of my friends, but when i finally did explain what was going on with my sister i felt a lot more at ease about the whole situation, and my friends responded really positively & are very supportive.</p>
<p>i wish you, your brother and the rest of your family the best of luck!</p>