<p>Hoping a bit of CC wisdom might help my family to support my brother more effectively... Thanks in advance for any input, feedback, etc.</p>
<p>Basically, my younger brother is in his first year at a public university about 90 miles away from home. My older sister attended the same university and had a pretty good experience -- graduated a quarter or two early with a respectable GPA, quickly got a job, and has no huge complaints about her experience there.</p>
<p>When my brother applied last fall, we were worried he wouldn't get in, but pleasantly surprised by the acceptance. He seemed to finally be thriving in our home community with a big network of friends, multiple "youth representative" positions (in our local community and state government), and hundreds of hours of community service. His grades had improved, he had a part-time job at the community college, and graduated with an associate's degree last spring (the same year he graduated from our high school / dual enrollment program).</p>
<p>I think we all tried to explain to him that a university would likely be more challenging than the community college he attended, but he insisted he "already knew how to do well in college" and refused to take our advice about studying more, listening/respecting professors, etc. He just doesn't seem to understand that he is not always right, and, even when the professor is wrong, it's sometimes better to "go with it" and do it the way they ask. He's always been stubborn in this way, and it is incredibly frustrating. </p>
<p>Of course, him assuming that he was always right (even when the professors clearly pointed out reasons he was not), has caused some issues. He seems very unopen to other viewpoints -- I'm not sure if he actually can not see things from another point of view (similar, I suppose, to a theory of mind deficit), or if he just refuses to do so. Any advice to him is met with a "I'll take your advice into consideration. Thank you." response, and it's pretty frustrating to most people, I think. </p>
<p>Anyway, the long and short of it is that he seems to be really struggling in school. He just barely avoided academic probation both quarters (~2.03 in the fall, and ~2.11 last quarter, I believe). I encouraged him to contact the learning disabilities office because we do have a history of learning disabilities in our family. My mother has dyslexia, I've been diagnosed with ADHD + auditory processing disorder, and my brother was previously diagnosed with tracking issues + Asperger's. The disability office offered him all sorts of accomodations when he brought a note from his doctor to them last quarter -- he can use his laptop in any class (although I don't think this will be helpful to him -- his handwriting is bad, yes, but his time-management skills are even worse!), he can have a notetaker in all his classes, and I believe he even gets extended time on tests. He's certain that he'll do much better with all of the accomodations next quarter.</p>
<p>But, right now, I'm not so sure. His grades in the fall were a huge shock to us because he assured us he was doing fine in school, and I think everybody was expecting similar grades to my sister and I (3.5+). He seemed to be spending a lot of time on the internet, joining political committees, and traveling around the area, and it seemed he just wasn't taking school seriously. I suggested my Mom make him pay his tuition up-front, so that he'd see how much our family is paying for him to go to school, and maybe take it more seriously. He also was supposed to start seeing a counselor at school, email printouts of his grades (he didn't even know how to check the site where teachers post grades on assignments, tests, etc!), etc. He did none of this. My Mom didn't really hold him to any of it at all, and his grades barely improved.</p>
<p>I'm really thinking now that it might be best for him not to go back to school this spring. He seems very lonely and has already gained quite a bit of weight. He's constantly eating, never works out, and doesn't seem to have much of a social life. He doesn't seem to enjoy any of his classes (mostly because of the large-lecture format and "immaturity" of other students, according to him). The rest of my family seems insistent that he just keep trying -- that it's most important he just finishes his degree up there. But, I'm not so sure. If his GPA is ~2.0, I doubt a degree will do much good. And, if he continues to try in an environment not well-suited for him, he'll likely continue to fail too, or at least struggle a lot more than necessary. I don't think that would be very good for him either. </p>
<p>I'm curious if other CC parents have had similar situations with their children? What did you do to support them? What did you to help? How did it turn out?</p>
<p>I tried talking to my brother about it today because I, too, almost dropped out of school. I didn't know what I wanted to do, struggled with mental health issues, and was late coming back to school my second quarter. My sister eventually convinced me I had to go back, I changed my major to something I was interested in, and my attitude towards school improved dramatically. I ended up graduating at 19 with a pretty good (3.7) gpa and am so thankful still that my sister encouraged me not to give up. </p>
<p>I would like to be as supportive of my brother as my sister was of me, but I don't know that I can be. I feel like he's really not at the right school for him, and he told me this AM he wants to go back because it's an excuse to be away from home. Not because he likes the school, his classes, his job, or anything else. He just seems to not want to be at home, and I don't really blame him for that (my parents are semi-separated: living apart, but not divorced officially -- it's been nearly two years of extreme ups and downs for all of us, and I think its been tough for everybody). I feel like if he just wants to live away from home, we might as well pay room and board for him to live up there, skip the added cost of tuition, and let him experience what it's like to work a dead-end job. </p>
<p>On the other hand, there is a regional branch of the state flagship very close to our home. It shares a campus with the community college he attended before, and I'm thinking of suggesting he attend school there, but pretty sure he won't be able to transfer now with his GPA. I'm thinking of suggesting he take 1 class there (as a non-matriculated student, most likely) and maybe another 1 or 2 at the community college he attended previously (unlikely that the credits would transfer / do any good, but at least it might help to get his confidence back up). I'm not sure that he'd go for this option though, and it would likely mean he'd have to move home temporarily (although possibly could move out to dorms at the regional school campus, after he matriculates?)</p>
<p>Any other ideas? He's not usually very open to other ideas, but I really would like to help him...</p>