So my younger sibling is applying to college and my parents want them to go to the same college as me. It’s a big campus and a well-respected school, yet I grimace at the expectation that we will live together… I love my sibling and we have always been close but I really like having my independence at college and don’t want to have to keep an eye or be stuck with my sibling. We have very different personalities and my sibling tends to be the favorite among people because they are much more social and out going than I am. Everything that I have ever done my parents have pushed my sibling to do the same and finally in college I feel like I have created my own identity and I don’t want that to be destroyed by having my sibling here following in my shadow yet again. My parents don’t understand and when I try to talk to them about it and I feel like I’m being selfish since I am attending a really good college, but at the same time I would like to have an accomplishment that I don’t have to worry about sharing with my sibling yet again. Any advice??
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. Does your sibling want to apply there? If so, I guess it would be unfair to prevent him/her from doing so. Maybe you can talk to your sibling about this.
Why can’t your sibling go there but you don’t live together? I would think your sibling would want to meet other freshman in a dorm situation and find his/her own people rather than hang around with you and your friends. This might not be a problem at all. Are you sure your parents expect you to live together? I can understand hoping everyone goes to the same spot–this is very convenient for your parents. But expecting you to live with him/her when you have already established an older friend group?
My brother went to the same college as I did (a fairly large Ivy League college) and it was no issue at all. (My brother actually called to ask if he could apply to my college which was thoughtful). I saw my brother a decent amount as he was settling in during the first couple of weeks but as soon as he found his friends and got busy with classes he was independent. We made plans to meet for lunch once in a while (maybe monthly) but that’s about it. As adults, I think having a shared alma mater has made us a bit closer.
My brother’s achievements in no way detract from mine (keep in mind that most of life’s accomplishments happen after college). And your brother’s should not detract from yours.
Also consider that your brother may be equally unhappy as he doesn’t seem to be given the opportunity you were to select his college.
The conversation I would have with your parents is if your brother does attend your school you would be happy to be there for advice and support but the two of you should not live together as it is important that your brother have a freshman experience, make his own friends, and pave his own way at the college since he will be there long after you graduate.
Merged two identical threads
Are these expectations from your parents or your sibling? It could be your sibling isn’t happy about these expectations anymore than you are. It could also be that being at the same college as you isn’t your siblings idea either. Have you tried talking to your sib?
Being at the same school doesn’t have to mean spending every waking moment together or living together. It sounds like your sibling is outgoing and will make his/her own friends.
My younger sister lived in the same dorm that I did, and it was easy to avoid her totally. 
Both my brothers went to the same college as I did, and one overlapped by two years. I rarely saw him - different dorms, different major. I think we only took one course in common - a drawing course.
I don’t see an issue with your sibling attending your college - unless you’re attending a tiny college, you would probably have to go out of your way to see your sibling. Living with your sibling is a different matter. Unless there is some financial reason that would compel the two of you to live together, I think you should let your parents know that you don’t think that would be good for either you or your sibling.
My 2 siblings and I attended the same school- I rarely saw them unless we made an effort to get together. Two of my kids attend the same small school, with the same major, and it’s the same-if they want to see each other they do, but they definitely have different friend groups. Most of their professors in the major don’t even realize they’re related, unless one of them says something about it.
I could see my brother’s apartment from my kitchen window. Rarely saw him. A friend has three brothers. Her father bought a house in the college town and all of them lived there at different times. She was the oldest, but she also went to law school there so was there 6+ years. They had other people live there too, depending on how many of them were in school at the time.
We had two attending USC. At the time of the second one committing, my H was in his fantasy world that we could save money because they would live together. Of course, freshman live in the dorm so that wasn’t a choice the first year, by the second year the fantasy was long forgotten as they were each into their own thing. They were both very independent of each other and actually had to schedule lunch together now and then to see each other. Different majors, different interests, different friends, but brothers forever.
My D and my middle son overlapped for one semester because she was in a masters’ program. They were in different dorms and different majors. They made a point of having breakfast, lunch and dinner together at least once a week, which meant that they saw each other three times a week for that semester, which was more than they had for the prior 4 years. They are 3 years apart in age but he took a gap year.
They are much closer now than they ever were and both of them are happy to have had that time with each other, away from the other kids and home to get to know each other as people, not just siblings.
@deldo123
College is very different from high school. Schedules differ, colleges are often much bigger, etc.
Are you certain that your parents will expect you to live together?
My kids went to the same college, but they only saw each other when they wanted to. They CHOSE to meet for lunch on Tuesdays…and they later CHOSE to take an Italian class together.
At my school, two OOS siblings who went to my high school have reunited this school year. Guy’s a junior, girl is a freshman, so I’m sandwiched in between them as a sophomore. The girl always wanted to attend the same college as her older brother because she fell in love with the school when she toured it. She’s joined a sorority now, so I assume that they only see each other when they want to. High school had about 1900 students, the college we attend has 15,000. They definitely have to make an effort to hang out.
My own younger sister (HS junior) has no plans on even applying to my school, which I have absolutely no objection to tbh. She’ll get into better schools than I ever did, without a doubt. She plans on remaining in the Northeast. My younger brother (HS freshman) remains to be seen. I think he’d be open to other regions, but I have a feeling he’d stay up north as well.
Realistically I would say to your parents: I am not sure why you are pressing younger sibling to attend this college…they should go where they want to (assuming it is affordable). But if they (not you) choose this college, it doesn’t bother me. But this is a time where I am learning independence so do not expect that little sib will live with me or anything.
Both of my kids went to the same college, and overlapped there for two years. As with the other sibling pairs here, they were basically completely independent of one another, although they had a few friends in common, and they probably said hello to one another a couple of times a week. (One of them was part of a group of friends that pretty much ran a particular coffee shop in the middle of campus, which they treated as their clubhouse, so it was easy for the other to drop by, say hello, and get a free coffee.)
They never shared an apartment. It wouldn’t have saved us any money if they had, and it definitely would not have made either of them happier. The older one did pass a great apartment to the younger one when she graduated, which meant the younger one got a much nicer apartment for less rent than he probably would have been capable of finding on his own. I wonder why the OP’s parents think they could save money?
Having gone to the same college has definitely made them closer as they get older.
One thing to remember: College isn’t high school. The OP will have his or her own identity even if there is a more charismatic younger sibling somewhere in the same zip code. As people get older, their siblings tend to threaten them less and less, so being in the same place as your sib really shouldn’t be much of an issue.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that my parents are expecting me to live with my sibling… they keep mentioning about how we can be roommates or rent an apartment together. My younger sibling pretty much follows whatever my parents say so I don’t really know what their true opinion is… Also, I like to study in my room (I have a single currently) since I get distracted really easily but now I’m being expected to change my patterns to accommodate my sibling. Also, it’s been kind of nice because my parents haven’t really came out too frequently to visit me, but with my sibling living with me, they will be here all the time. I attend the top state school so I understand why my parents are pushing for my sibling to come here (cost, academic, and convenience wise) but I hate the fact that they are disregarding my concerns. My sibling has always been the favorite child so I’d rather not have to deal with that drama all over again too… It’s just not fair because all of my academic success has come from my own hardwork, but my sibling has just used all my old notes, tests, and projects to study for her classes plus my parents have purchased other resources to help them succeed… then I had to hear about how they were doing so bad in one class because they had a 97 but I got a 94 in that class after I had spent countless hours of effort and studying…
Do they think that having you live together is going to save them money? If you live on campus, that would not be the case. Renting an off campus apartment, might but as a freshman your sibling should be living on campus. Does your school have any rules about freshman living arrangements? (Some schools require they live on campus, other require they live on campus or at home).
If money is the reason, you might point out it won’t save anything. If your school has rules about freshmen and where they live you could use that as well.
If you’re going to the top public school in your state, then I think it is unreasonable for you to suggest that your sibling not attend the same school, as that could be her best affordable option. Again, barring some huge financial advantage to living together, I see no problem with resisting that. Have you mentioned to your parents that you don’t want to live with your sister if she attends your school, or are you just assuming from comments they’ve made that they’ll insist upon it?