<p>I also know now that I didn’t know very much when I was 17. It was a good thing for me that I didn’t know that at the time!!</p>
<p>
Not that I know of, but many browsers do.</p>
<p>My D is a senior and is down to just one more application that is due February 1st.</p>
<p>Sadly, I am filled with regret. This was our first experience with college shopping with a child, and even though I spent hours on CC, I only realized our mistake(s) recently.</p>
<p>I regret not building the list of colleges from the bottom up. Yes, there are many who advocate that, but I didn’t truly understand the meaning until D was rejected from her EA choice. (I thought she would be deferred.) She already has a full tuition scholarship at her safety, but she is not excited about it. We made the mistake of visiting the Ivies first, between her sophomore and junior year, and then looking for matches to visit last spring. When you see what is at the top, it’s difficult to exhibit excitement about the safety, regardless of how good it is.</p>
<p>I regret not assessing my D without the rose colored glasses. Even now that I have taken them off, it’s still difficult to acknowledge to myself that she may not be what I think she should be. Don’t get me wrong - she’s a wonderful person/student, but I think I had her on a pedestal that is not exactly accurate. Maybe I (we) aggravated this issue because we are so proud of her AND wanted to believe that she could accomplish so much more than her parents.</p>
<p>I regret not working harder to help her articulate what she meant when she said she wanted to go to a college that wasn’t “like her high school”. For a long time I assumed she meant she wanted to be surrounded by very intelligent people who had a passion for learning. In fact, that’s what she said she wanted. But now I’m starting to believe that what she really wants is to be around intelligent people who have a passion for learning, and who will treat her as a valued person, irregardless of social cliques.</p>
<p>I regret not learning about the honors programs at many state universities that may have been a viable option for her. (This is the direction I will advocate for younger D.) She would have been accepted at many of them, and would have had more to choose from come April.</p>
<p>I regret not helping her see herself more realistically, but then, I only have learned who she really is in recent weeks, so I guess I couldn’t have helped her do that when it was needed.</p>
<p>Right now, H and I fear that she will end up at her safety and feel that she is somehow a failure, or settling for something she didn’t want. We know that eventually she will come to love it and realize that it is right for her, but the time between now and then will be painful for me.</p>
<p>Flyme - I think that is similar to what I feel for my daughter, who is also my oldest and this is our first time with the college foray. She is a highly capable student, top 5% of her class, captain of her sports team, extremely hard schedule focused on math/science which are her passions and her love for engineering shines through in her resume and transcript. She may way be accepted to some top tier schools, I wouldn’t be surprised, but I too wish we had looked harder for more options that would be both financially safe and match what she is looking for. She is used to rigor, she’s used to being the lone female in male dominated classes, she’s not afraid to get in and work hard but I’ve also watched her own drive and commitment to her schoolwork manifest physically through stress and that has at times taken a toll on her health. In the past few months we’ve realized the right environment for her may not be the Ivies/MITs of this world but schools that have great engineering programs on a less cut-throat level where she can enjoy learning and thrive. I fear her list of schools is weighted more heavilly on the competitive programs even though we tried not to worry about rankings. I think though some kids only truly face what is coming next when they are in the thick of applications and it’s hard to back up and change course then, especially for those kids, like my daughter, who is looking forward to college but at the same stillholding on tight to home. I’ve always known too that my oldest is my guinea pig of sorts since she is leading the way for the other two and while my younger 2 will benefit from what we’ve learned, I don’t feel my daughter is disadvantaged by our learning curve as she’s learning valuable life lessions along the way as well.</p>
<p>Caymandiver-- I love your first post in this thread. You articulated exactly my thoughts on this, and so much better than I could.</p>
<p>Momof10</p>
<p>You put into words what I have been struggling to do: the top tier schools are more cut-throat than what I believe our D would be happy with in the long run.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to help her realize this without sounding like we don’t think she will get into her top schools. She seems to need to hang onto the hope and the dream of getting in at this point.</p>
<p>I could just cry.</p>
<p>No regrets, r6l. I enjoyed learning about the different colleges and going on the tours with my D. I received quite an education; when I came to CC, I had no idea what an LAC meant! I’m just happy my D and I didn’t end up killing each other (I tend to be complusive, while she’s an artsy, laid back personality)! In the end, I feel she’s at a good starting point…what she does with it will be up to her.</p>
<p>Best wishes to all the students and parents here on CC…may the future be filled with many good things. To those who are worried/disappointed about the outcome, keep in mind that life is about enjoying the journey, and not getting too caught up in the destination. Thank you all for sharing this ride for me…the hard part will be the “goodbyes” we’ll soon be facing!</p>
<p>Hugs, psychmom</p>
<p>Flyme-- your post is so brave and articulate I could cry. I’d bet everyone on here has had feelings like this-- I know I have. It’s pretty much impossible to evaluate your own kid without the rose colored glasses, and maybe that’s a not a bad thing. She knows you see the best in her. Can you find a way to look at the safety school with more excitement? A full scholarship is an awfully nice thing-- it may mean opportunities for study abroad, or grad school, that wouldn’t otherwise be there. And at worst its a year there before she transfers to a place she loves. </p>
<p>But thank you, thank you for posting-- it’s a real gift to those who are just beginning to think about all this.</p>
<p>Gwen-</p>
<p>Yes, we are finding ways to point out the pros of her safety, but we can also sense that she infers that we believe she won’t get into any of her top schools. And right now she needs to believe.</p>
<p>I have also sworn off any college talk with her, since I have been so obsessed for months and it then makes her feel stressed. Funny how I have to actually brainstorm topics to discuss with her that have nothing to do with college! Because I can’t think of anything else, I really have to struggle to start a conversation. Pitiful, I know.</p>
<p>If I’m lucky enough for her to bring up the subject, I can interject something, but it has to be her call. Which means that I have to be patient (not a strength of mine) and wait for the right time.</p>
<p>She just had an interview for one Ivy, and has another scheduled for another Ivy. She’s so excited about these, so obviously we have to be very careful about what we say and how we time it.</p>
<p>Oy, it is SO hard-- well, I hope she has a great time at the ivy interviews and I hope she gets in someplace great. I get obsessed with these things too-- mostly because my fear of D’s being disappointed, after she has worked so earnestly, is so strong. Then of course my anxiety makes her anxious… I totally know the patient waiting… to nonchalantly interject the perfect thing! It’s almost comical, really-- mothering a certain kind of daughter takes some horse-whispering. But it will work out, of course it will.</p>
<p>No regrets! This has been actually kind of fun!</p>
<p>No regrets! Very carfully planned and executed with successful results and no emotions. Hopefully Grad. school application process will go the same way.</p>