<p>I posted up a similar thread in the high school forum, asking students to help me find ways to gain my parents' trust. I recently started going to parties and I occasionly drink and smoke. I am always responsible about it and I wish I could just tell my parents, but I have a feeling that they would prevent me from going out. </p>
<p>What are your thoughts on students who party in high school? How have you dealt with your children on this issue?</p>
<p>if you were my kid you wouldn't be allowed to go if i knew you were drinking and smoking... and i'm only 23 ;)</p>
<p>i actually have a bigger issue with the smoking than the drinking. i can't stand smoking.</p>
<p>smoke what?</p>
<p>Yeah, I'm not a big smoker. I probably have a cigerette every other weekend, and it is usually shared. And I have never done an illegal drug, and have no intention to try it anytime soon.</p>
<p>If you're still in high school, alcohol is an illegal drug for you. If you were my child, you would be grounded for the rest of your high school years. GAIN your parents' trust? Honey, you've already LOST it. Responsible about it? No, you are breaking the law. If you are under 18, it is illegal for you to buy cigarettes, too.</p>
<p>Tobacco is one of the most addictive drugs on the planet. Just ask anyone who has smoked for a year and has tried to stop. It can kill you, eventually. At the very least, it can harm your overall health, ruin your skin and teeth, change your voice and play havoc with your heart rate and lung capacity. It can also cause heart disease and cancer, as you probably know.
What parent in their right mind would think it's ok for their daughter to smoke?
Drinking is illegal for anyone under 21. How can you be drinking
"responsibly" at your age.
Responsible behavior from a high school student is not drinking or smoking. I have a 21 and a 17 year-old. They have earned my trust because neither has been tempted to drink or smoke, or take any illegal drug. We have always impressed upon our kids the importance of following the law, and following school rules, family rules, etc. and have metted out consequences when rules have been broken. I believe they both have a healthy respect for us as parents and for rules in general because of it, so even if they had been tempted, they wouldn't do it.
You are lying to your parents (by ommission) and feeling rightfully guilty because of it. If you continue this path, your self-esteem will suffer in the long run. You can't be seen as responsible or earn anyone's trust if you continue what you're doing.</p>
<p>yeah so there are some hypocritical parents on this forum i think.</p>
<p>smoking [cigarettes] isn't necessarily "wrong" or "immoral" or something that should get you in huge trouble with your parents. it's just Stupid. look at the facts on what it does. i know u wanna do it just to relax or w/e but it isn't wise because you might get hooked. </p>
<p>drinking [i think] is fine as long as it is in moderation. if you're just social drinking then i mean your parents should understand that you're being responsible. SHOULD being the operative word there. it's when idiots drink and drive, or when girls get drunk and get pregnant, or when guys get drunk and take advantage of a girl that teens that party get a bad name. in moderation it's fine. </p>
<p>"Responsible about it? No, you are breaking the law."
Actually the main reason that there IS a law against teens drinking is that the government feels teenagers lack the ability to be responsible. however, some ARE responsible, but how is the gov't going to say who is and who is not responsible? there are plenty of 24 year olds that are reckless and "stupid" with alcohol. there are plenty of 17 year olds that are responsible. there has to be an arbitrary point, legally speaking, but breaking that law [as long as they are responsible] does not make you a BAD person.</p>
<p>Her question wasn't about making her a bad person; her question was about how to get her parents on board with this behavior. Whether you agree with the law or not, if you are drinking before 21, you ARE breaking the law. That stupidity can have life-changing consequences, the least of which is the breakdown of her relationship with her parents. Drinking responsibly? Go look for the posts by the young man that recently DIED drinking "responsibly". He posted over and over how he "could handle it". Yeah, right, tell that to the coroner...</p>
<p>I wish that you would not smoke, since smoking is so very bad for your health.</p>
<p>I wish that you would not drink, since underage drinking is so terribly risky for physical health, intellectual development, and emotional health.</p>
<p>I recommend that you look at "Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood" by Koren Zailckas. See: </p>
<p>I understand that you are trying to responsible about drinking. However, in my experience "responsible underage drinking party", besides being illegal, is a most rare event. A drinking event that is not supervised by mature, responsible adults is patently dangerous. You also have to consider that even if you personally are being responsible, underage drinking parties often attract people who are not responsible about drinking, and who therefore endanger the physical and/or emotional health of those at the event. "Smashed" speaks in particular to the risks that alcohol and drinking parties poses for young women.</p>
<p>Since there generally won't be adult supervision at such events, ask yourself: are you in a position to know the danger signs of life-threatening alcohol or substance abuse--and are you going to have the courage to call for help when most people at the event will typically fear getting into trouble and will be against calling for help? </p>
<p>There are also legal repercussions to consider if someone is hurt. For example, if someone is hurt while drinking at your home, and if your town or state is like many jurisdictions, your parents are going to be liable. There frequently is property damage at such events, and the possibility, if not likelihood, of DUI. There are also risks when kids try to run from the police once a neighbor calls to complain about the party.</p>
<p>My advice is to stay away from alcohol and tobacco. Alcohol until you are 21, tobacco forever.</p>
<p>We don't have a partying-friendly environment at my house. As high school students, my kids chose not to party rather than deal with their parents about the issue. Our position was that underage drinking is illegal, as is marijuana, and we weren't going to tolerate/enable/look the other way on illegal behavior. (blawned, I can't tell what kind of smoking you're talking about ... whatever kind it is, not smoking is better.) We aren't scary, punitive, controlling parents (or so those who would know tell me), so I was surprised at how readily our kids accepted the rules. We all knew there'd be consequences for partying, though we parents never quite figured out what they'd be - probably something to do with loss of the car keys and autonomous free time. </p>
<p>Enforcement wasn't a problem - I'm usually home when my kids are, know their schedules and friends, and have a pretty good BS detector. However, the primary reason my kids didn't party in hs was because they CHOSE not to. They decided to postpone that particular rite of passage, and I'm glad. I'd rather have an 18 y/o kid making decisions about whether, where, and with whom to drink than a 15 y/o. Yes, 18 is still underage for drinking, and I'd still prefer that my kids not do it, but they're somewhat independent at college, and know they'll have to face the full consequences for their behavior if they are caught violating college rules re alcohol. We are not going to rescue them.</p>
<p>I recall a conversation with lucifer on this topic (a very bright Cornell student I think about often who recently died of alcohol abuse, in case anyone's new to the board). His position was that kids who aren't allowed to party in high school will go completely wild in college and not be able to handle the freer access to alcohol. Sadly, kids with lots of partying experience are no more protected from excess than those who've never touched a beer in high school.</p>
<p>The biggest downside from my kids' viewpoint is that, from at least 10th grade on at our affluent public hs, and possibly earlier, non-drinking kids are somewhat ostracized by their partying peers. Now, all three of my girls have been able to deal with this by having a large group of similarly uncool friends (one d did angrily accuse us of making her a nerd, but we decided we could live with that), as well as weekend jobs and time-consuming ECs. By 12th grade, the drinking kids seem able to accept that not everyone will drink, so there's less excluding of non-drinkers at that point.</p>
<p>It isn't illegal to smoke cigerettes if you are at least 16, so I am not breaking any laws there.
Am I responsible with my drinking? I think so.
Of course I have gotten drunk a few times, but it isn't an "every weekend I am going to get sooo smashed" kind of thing. I never EVER drive, or get in a car with someone who has been drinking. I don't hook up with random boys. I have never tried an illegal substance. </p>
<p>I get good grades and want to go to a good college. If I can keep this up and have a happy balance between my social life and my academics, then I don't see a problem.</p>
<p>It frightens me to hear to you say "of course I have gotten drunk a few times".</p>
<p>You are treading on a most unwise and dangerous path.</p>
<p>Please stop.</p>
<p>Please read the Zailckas book I recommended.</p>
<p>Why do you want to smoke? What is the benefit?</p>
<p>I know why drinking is appealing. It's a social lubricant and relaxes people as it dulls their senses and lowers inhibitions. There have been recent studies that show a direct correlation between the age that someone starts drinking and alcoholism in later life. Before adulthood, your brain is still developing. Alcohol is not good for it, and an overdose of alcohol (which happens everytime you get drunk)
actually causes damage. Drinking young also leads to an increase of alcohol tolerance, which means you need to drink more to get the same high. This is how a lot of young people get in trouble ; they believe that if they don't feel high, they aren't hurting themselves. They keep increasing the amount to get the same good feeling, which is how blackouts and deaths occur. Kids don't realize, or feel, the point at which their body can no longer process the drug.
Even if drinking were completely harmless, you can't just pick and choose which laws to break because you may not happen to agree with them (rightwing...). If you really don't see a problem with lying to your parents and breaking the law, I don't think anything any adult here says will have any impact whatsoever.</p>
<p>this is the reason why this country has such a large alcoholic population. parents, you aren't going to be able to control your kids forever. If you act as if drinking in moderation is a grave offense, the second your kids move away, they may be tempted to over indulge.</p>
<p>" I recently started going to parties and I occasionly drink and smoke. I am always responsible about it "</p>
<p>Sorry, these two sentences contradict each other. </p>
<p>Just 2 weeks ago a student (freshman from Cornell) who was a frequent CC poster died of alcohol poisoning. He was absolutely sure that he was responsible about his drinking, and had it all "under control"...</p>
<p>Here are some quotes from his posts on CC:</p>
<p>"I am ignorant? I can tell you, both statistically and
anecdotally, that it is very rare and comparatively
hard for someone to drink themselves to death. Me and
my friends are all very experienced drinkers, and we
all know exactly how we get when we drink too much, so
we go by those signs. For those we don't know as well,
we ensure that they throw up (so they don't absorb any
more alcohol from their stomach) and are responsive
and reasonably coherent to make sure they won't die.
Given the huge number of teens who drink, and the
amount that many teens drink combined with the risky
drinking patterns inherent in teen drinking (chugging,
taking lots of shots before you can even fully feel
the first one, the list goes on and on), and the
relatively small number of pure alcohol (i.e. stopped
breathing) deaths compared to both the number of
drinkers and the number of people who die from
drinking and driving, it is clear that drinking is
usually only problematic when combined with driving.
Honestly, that's why I like drinking with experienced
drinkers - it is MUCH harder for someone with a
tolerance to drink themselves dead than it is for a
drinking novice who has no idea of how to drink and
also has no tolerance.</p>
<p>Don't try to intimidate me with medical facts; I know
most any alcohol related fact backwards and forwards.
I don't take blind risks, and I'm fully aware of the
risks I take with drinking. In my mind, the benefits
of drinking - the fun, the camaraderie, the burn of
that first shot - vastly outweigh the costs (I've paid
my dues for drinking in a number of ways). I learned
as much from drinking/partying during high school as I
did from classes (and I took 14 APs), not to mention
that while a lot of the things I learned in HS I'll
never really use again (i.e. chemistry), I'll always
use the skills I learned from drinking/partying (how
to read a situation, a lot about people in general,
etc.) "</p>
<p>"Take your talk of "haze" elsewhere - I enjoy
drinking, but I certainly don't go through life in a
haze. I'm on track to either double or triple major
plus get an MEng in 8 semesters, I run marathons for
fun, and generally live life to its fullest. I do not
drink myself into a stupor and waste days, months and
years. Drinking is a recreational activity that I very
much enjoy, but I keep it in its place - drinking only
with friends and only when it won't interfere with my
other goals (I'm not Bode Miller, I don't drink before
marathons or prelims). Alcohol hasn't limited me in
any way, nor has it ever prevented me from achieving
success. I'm sorry that alcohol has caused you such
problems, binx, but I'm not telling you to drink. I'm
just counteracting the anti-alcohol posts that
everyone else seems to have and saying that it is
possible for alcohol to be a positive, enjoyable
thing. That, and also showing that liability wise that
drunk driving (or other dangerous activity after
drinking, like drunk jetskiing) is by far the biggest
problem because it is far easier and far more likely
that someone will drink and drive and kill
themselves/someone else than it is they will drink
enough to stop breathing.</p>
<p>There are plenty of teens who are capable and
competent enough to handle themselves and don't need
much, if any, supervision; the amount of supervision
necessary depends on the kid. "</p>
<p>there is a distinction between excess and moderation. Do you drive a car at 50mph on a highway? yes. Is it smart to drive at 120mph? No.</p>
<p>baykin, being drunk is 120.</p>
<p>Especially for a teenager.</p>
<p>alcohol poisoning is 120. drinking in moderation is 50. I have never heard of anyone getting alcohol poisoning from a couple of beers.</p>
<p>What is the "responsible" way to smoke?</p>
<p>If you have "gotten drunk a few times," that is not a responsible way to drink (even if drinking were legal at your age). Drinking when it is illegal - and thus could get you into legal trouble/school trouble - is not responsible.</p>
<p>These behaviors cannot co-exist with your goal to have your parents trust your choices. These choices are not trustworthy. So which do you want - to do what your peers are into or to keep your parents' trust?</p>