I am surprised by the number of threads lately by students who expect to financially support their parents in their old age-- typically, families with immigrant parents who prioritize spending to send their kids to a very pricey college, over saving for their own retirement.
So, I’m just wondering how many of you expect to financially support/assist your elderly parents? Are you budgeting for this?
Do you expect your kids to financially support/assist you? Have you (did you) suspend contributions to your retirement savings to pay for your kids’ college costs?
A related article in The Atlantic:
Rich People Are Great at Spending Money to Make Their Kids Rich, Too
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/04/being-rich-means-having-money-to-spend-on-being-richer/389871/
My parents are very responsible financially and I would be shocked if they ever got to a point where they needed to be supported.
My H has financially back-stopped his mom for many years. She is a very sweet lady, struggling now with a terrible condition. I love her, but sometimes wish we had encouraged her to stand on her own two feet a little more, many years ago. Of course we can’t do it now.
My goal is to never rely on my children financially, God willing. We can’t know what will happen in life, but we can move in the right direction at least.
This is a very good discussion topic for young people contemplating marriage or a long-term relationship.
Never say never. I absolutely never once thought I’d have to support a parent in old age, but I now have to. We are just fortunate this does not impact our own ability to support ourselves in retirement and not be a burden to our kids.
We provided financial support for one parent, plus managed all of her financial affairs for her final six months.
I hope my kids will step up if necessary. But really, we are doing the best we can to be financially independent as we age.
Still…you never know what catastrophic financial or health events could be in the future.
This is an interesting topic.
This is what I expect so far (about to be first-year college student):
-To support myself almost entirely (got a really good scholarship, and planning to work hard and get a BA in 2yrs.) through college and beyond (not decided on Grad. school???)
-To help pay for youngest half-brother’s education (the middle one is not going to college)
-To help my mom retire (assuming I find a well-to-do job where I make as much as she does or more)
My mom will probably be able to support herself through old age but if I can help I will; I’m just not sure how her retirement plan is…
I expect my other half-siblings and various relatives to figure shtuff out for themselves
We don’t expect our parents to need financial help but we are able to help if needed.
We have saved diligently so our children shouldn’t be burdened with helping us financially.
We are working with our kids to instill saving/investing patterns NOW so, hopefully, they will have the financial means when they retire.
A number of student posters intend to financially assist their parents as soon as they get their first job straight out of college. A stark contrast to the grads who end up in their parents’ basement and argue over their parents’ rules…
The thing that shocks me is how much TIME it takes to manage ALL of my MIL’s financial, health, social, physical, needs. It’s hard. My husband has a file cabinet full of stuff. Her medicaid file alone is enormous.
I think one of the best gifts we can give our kids is to clean up our financial lives to the best of our ability. Even if you have the money to manage for yourself, if your info is scattered all over it can be an uphill battle for the kids to cobble it all together.
It took us over a month just to get MIL’s birth certificate. She had to have that for certain benefits she received.
Thanks to my parents’ good health, frugal spending (for the most part) and Tricare for life, my parents are in good shape financially. Dad is 88, and Mom is 84. They are still in their own home, which was paid off long ago. Now that Dad no longer drives and isn’t spending money on gas and junk at Harbor Freight Tools, they are socking away money every month. I am quite lucky in that regard. Mom wanted to start giving away money a few years ago, and I told her to hold off. Mind you, we’re not talking a lot. Neither of them made it to HS, but they did just fine for themselves, thanks largely to military benefits.
I hope that we won’t be a financial burden on my kids, but you never know.
“you expect your kids to financially support/assist you? Have you (did you) suspend contributions to your retirement savings to pay for your kids’ college costs?”
No and no. We have saved aggressively for both things since we were first married. Always maxed out retirement accounts (esp in the days of great company matches - now gone). Have always lived on one income and banked the other, using the other only for paying taxes or “significant” expenditures (like a new car or roof repair).
Both kids have Roth IRAs that we contribute to, and both are maxing out their 401ks at work with the max allowed by law.
I used to get on H for being cheap but the older I get, the more grateful I am that following his savings / investment plan has given us security.
Back to the point, the parent I am supporting (my mother) is just finally getting to the point of understanding that she is fortunate that our doing so doesn’t / didn’t come at the cost of our kids’ education or burdening our kids with our own care.
^Tricare for Life — amazing coverage. My mom has that too and that makes a world of difference for medical costs.
My parents did well and so my mom (dad passed away years ago), is set financially. I manage all her money and take care of all her affairs, but I do not have to financially support her. My in-laws are fine as well, so we are blessed.
We are doing our best to do the same for our kids and don’t anticipate having to depend on them financially.
I rarely use the word “never” - but this is one instance where I hope (key word is hope) to NEVER do this to my kids. It’s one reason why we focus so hard on merit scholarships, drive used cars, etc. We do well, thankfully, but end of life care is enormously expensive. My MIL qualified for total disability and had no significant assets. We will probably be in a different situation, i.e., having to private pay or insure (also expensive).
My MIL’s situation has scared me, as dramatic as that sounds.
My husband and I are supporting both sets of our parents. I am more than pleased to do that to mine because the sacrifice they had done to us is priceless. They were the type that would sell everything to support their kids. My husband’s side, eh… they didn’t do much in raising him. H was born with a silver spoon thanks to his successful grandpa. Parents were pretty messed up and left him with a nanny in his early age. They then sent him to a prep school abroad at grandpa’s expense when he’s only 11. Grandpa continued to support H through undergrad and grad school for his doctor’s degree. We are the main source of income for both of our parents and it’s a substantial amount each month. But due to being Asians, we were taught to believe in supporting our folks no matter what and I ought to respect that. It’s also a way to pay back to his grandpa because he’s still supporting his own son. Yes, he’s still alive and he’s 100 years old now and still RICH…
We tried to start saving up money early and have been investing in properties and businesses. By the time of our retirement, we should be fine living with the income generating from them. Having my daughter to support us is not part of the plan and she already knows it. But again with the infusion of the Asian culture and from seeing her own parents supporting theirs, she has it in mind that she wanted to do something to us in return. It’s sweet to hear that but may be a fancy dinner once in a while would be fine.
My husband is full-time caregiver for his parents. His mom is 90. She has Alzheimer’s disease. Her mom, who also had Alzheimer’s disease, lived until age 101. His dad turns 90 next month. His cognition is starting to decline. He has heart disease, kidney disease, arthritis, and diabetes. They have a lot of assets but if they were both in a nursing home, as they should be, the assets would be gone in three to four years. I think that’s fine. But my father-in-law wants to preserve the assets for his children, so that’s why my husband was conscripted to keep his parents at home.
Ouch @rosered55. 
I’m sorry you all are going through that.
DH and I do not expect to support our parents in their old age. My father died years ago and my 81 year old mother is in good health and still works full time. If she should need assistance, I can afford to and will happily provide it. I think DH’s parents, while not as healthy as my mom, are in decent financial condition and can support themselves. Each of them has some savings, a pension and gets social security. FWIW, neither my parents nor DH’s parents provided any financial assistance for our college/graduate school.
We also do not expect our children to support us in our old age. We have saved for retirement and we have long term care insurance in place. We have not suspended retirement contributions to pay for college (D1 had a full tuition + scholarship, D2 did not attend college, and D3 is still in high school but we still have D1’s 529 account and can pay for her college without affecting retirement).
I never expected to support my parents in their old age – but here I am, me and my siblings, helping pay for my dad’s care in the memory care unit of an AL facility. I’m sure he never planned on this either, but after a series of poor personal decisions and financial setbacks, here we are.
I am sure we will face the same problem with my mother soon.
I do not expect my D to support H and I in our old age; we have saved aggressively for our retirement and should be fine. However, my dad’s situation has taught me to never say never. Old age can be scary.
^^that is amazing @beth’s mom! Good for her. :-bd
One of my mom’s friends coined the phrase “old age is a shipwreck,” and I think of that often as I contemplate the situations of my in-laws and parents of friends and coworkers. I recall the “good old days,” when many people (for example, my grandparents) were reasonably independent into old age and then they died, quickly. My in-laws, in contrast, have not been in good health for many years, but easily could live for several more years.
We have increased our life span but not necessarily our “health” span.