Sort of can’t believe no one has posted about this article! Is it too risque a topic for CC?
Article is gifted:
News flash. This topic is NOT just for older married couples. The article highlights younger adults as well and their desire to have some personal sleeping space. Maybe sometimes. Maybe always.
There is no right or wrong (IMO). Preferences should be respected IRL and here on CC.
In my life, SNORING is the #1 reason I sometimes find another bed. Another reason? I like to read or have a few routines on my phone I like to do before bed and if H is in bed already he doesn’t love my movement/slight light. 3rd reason: I sleep pretty well! Except if I’m awoken in the middle of the night - I can have a really, really hard time falling asleep. I still work (H is retired) - sleeping in is not an option, the alarm is going off at 5:40am 5 days a week, sleep or not.
It bothered me at first making this choice to sometimes sleep elsewhere. It’s sort of easy for it to become a habit. H not in a bad/mean way, but doesn’t seem to have an opinion one way or another - though honestly he probably sleeps better too.
For the record we have a queen bed - would a king make a difference? Maybe. It’s something we are considering.
Curious your thoughts/opinions/experiences on article content or your personal situation. Keep it clean so we can all sleep tonight.
Adding another comment. I was looking at a house recently on Zillow cause we are house shopping. The master was quite large! And included 2 king size beds (not pushed together, normal space apart). I actually thought this was a little genius for the space/movement/reading issues. Probably doesn’t help with snoring…
never thought we would EVER get a king bed and for our 30 th wedding anniversary guess what we got . made a big difference and i haven’t moved to the couch or guest room since the purchase.
Since my husband got a CPAP machine, my sleep has also improved.During the early days of COVID, I made him sleep in another room if he had been around several people.
We have a king where we both sleep nearly every night. I don’t know how we managed with a queen for over a decade. However, we have several other comfortable sleeping options throughout the house and it is not unusual for someone in the family to end up on one of those due to various factors.
Spouse and I especially have learned that the best fix for our occasional insomnia or feeling unwell or injured is to go to a different location for a mental and physical reset. Both of us snore occasionally only loud enough that it’s still considered “cute”.
Since the pandemic, we have also started sleeping apart when sick and it has dramatically reduced the rate of household illness spread.
We have a queen. We hate sleeping in king beds when we are traveling. We feel too far away from each other ; ). (Obviously we are a share the bed couple).
Separate rooms and wouldn’t have it any other way! We sleep so much better. We have different temp preferences, snore, and hubby is restless tossing around and hogs sheets. I prefer a ceiling fan on even during winter. We get up at various times during the night. Separate rooms means we don’t disturb each other throughout the night.
Happily married 30 years. Been sleeping in separate rooms for about 4. Before then one of us would often end up on the couch.
And many couples do this. People just don’t like to disclose it bc of stigma. (And frequency of this growing decision to sleep separately is confirmed by very close board certified sleep neurologist.)
Editing to add: For us, bed size made no difference.
We started with a queen size when first married , then upgraded to a king within 6 years, and then a tempur pedic king after that. For us, getting up at night, or just waking up, or temperature, ceiling fan, darkness preference and even what time to go to bed and to wake up were all variables that aren’t affected by bed size.
And I’m recalling that we started sleeping separately when DH was on call. We’d both realize after his week of call was over that we relished our individual sleeping preferences. We’d joke, “when are you on call again so we can sleep better again?!”. And then we basically said, no more excuses. Separate bedrooms at night works!
Haven’t read the article, but dh and I haven’t slept in the same room for more than 20 years. He had sinus issues so pretty quickly moved to a recliner in the living room so he could be more upright. Over time, he’s had surgery and now has a CPAP and the kids went to college and he moved into one of their rooms and we each like our own space at this point and sleep better separately.
YES. I need air circulation and prefer a cooler sleeping space. H thinks opening a window one inch is opening a window - throw that sucker open, then I’m happy! LOL. I also want/need? the ceiling fan all but the couple coldest winter months.
We have a queen, but I often must flee the bed. I am the one who snores and gets tired of being elbowed at night to roll over. I am also the poor sleeper and would rather leave the bed than toss and turn. We go to bed every night and hope we will spend the whole night together, but it happens maybe half the time. I move to the couch in the family room.
We have a king and I love it. We can cuddle when we want, but space out when we need to. Getting a Tempur-Pedic mattress made a big difference - you don’t feel every little movement your partner makes.
A King bed will help you sleep better than a Queen. It’s worth it. However, saying that, I know it’s still hard sometimes on DH. I move around a lot to get comfortable and he’s such a light sleeper. Then that makes me self conscious of moving. He’s talked about getting extra long twin beds, but we never have. Maybe we will one day.
On vacations, we always get the 2 queen beds and sleep SO well. I just had foot surgery and for 2 weeks I slept in the guest room. Again, we both slept SO well. But, it is sort of lonely. I told him this weekend I was moving back into our room and we both looked at each trying to be funny with an “oh no” disappointing look…lol!
I know 2 married couple friends who sleep in separate rooms, due to bad snoring. I think as we age, the stigma is less and less, but still there. A raised eyebrow on the state of the marriage. But more long time married couples get it.
I wish I didn’t feel guilty about not sharing a bed. H makes me feel guilty - though he says he doesn’t. But I have more space on a couch than sharing a Queen bed with him! If I need to roll over, I have to grab onto the edge of the bed to make sure I don’t fall out. And he snores, which I mostly solved with ear plugs. Before I figured out ear plugs, I would cry every night we had to be in a hotel room. I’ve spent many nights on the bathroom floor. It’s a wonder I didn’t smother him in his sleep.
But over the last few years, my routine is to usually start off in bed. Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, or if I can’t fall asleep, I’ll move to the couch. I am a great couch sleeper. And I like to stretch in bed before I get up. This way I don’t disturb him! (my great excuse)
Sometimes I will start off on the couch because either he’s sick/injured, I’m sick/injured, or if I go up there and he’s invited the cat to sleep on my pillow. She’ll jump in my spot whenever I leave, but I’m not amused when he plops her on the pillow before I get there. Not to mention I’m allergic to cat hair, and don’t love having a cat hairy pillow.
Hotels, I prefer to get 2 Queen beds vs 1 King, but a King definitely helps! And when I had covid, I moved into older S’ former bedroom. It has a queen and I LOVED that. It was amazing.
When we got our King bed several years ago we both wondered what took us so long! It’s so much nicer now that one of us (guess who) is not practically clinging to the side of the bed.
Other things that helped: H got a CPAP machine. I worried about the noise from the machine at first but it’s actually like “white noise”, so it’s good. H used watch TV in bed which kept me awake, but since we moved to this house (almost a year ago) we no longer have a TV in the bedroom. We both read before turning off our bedside lights.
I totally get why some couples are choosing to sleep apart.
Another king bed convert. We both scoot towards the middle so I never feel like my husband is far away.
Didn’t think we’d like it but now I wouldn’t choose anything else.
With a king and an electric blanket, he can be as warm as he wants and I can set the temperature for what’s comfortable for me.
My mil bought a new mattress for her guest bed and bought another double instead of a queen. Since we have a king, we can not get comfortable in the double. A Queen is fine but the double,
Thankfully we don’t sleep there much.
Would never want separate bedrooms, but it’s definitely personal preference. Personally I’m much harder than him, I move around more. Maybe snore more . Good thing he is hard of hearing.
The king feels really really big at first but then it feels like it’s all you ever wanted.
We have a queen and it’s never been an issue until our youngest went to college in August and we inherited his cat! My H has always had a strict no pet in bed policy. Well, it’s worked for over 20 years, but this cat has changed everything- he will not be denied!
Fighting with the two of them for bed space has made me start shopping for a king.
It’s hard for me to imagine how we slept in a double bed the first decade of our marriage. Our bedrooms in apartments and first house were always very tiny.
Someone has done a research study on sleep quality when a pet is present in the room and found that dogs are just fine while cats disrupt peaceful sleep. Those darn nocturnal creatures!
. made a big difference and i haven’t moved to the couch or guest room since the purchase.
During the early days of COVID, I made him sleep in another room if he had been around several people.
. Good thing he is hard of hearing.
Those darn nocturnal creatures! 