<p>So it's summer before freshman year, and it seems as though the question "where are you going to high school?" Is being thrown at me from all angles, specifically from my parents' friends. I am incredibly proud and fortunate to be able to respond with "Hotchkiss", but the reactions from the adults I tell are less than pleasant. One parent even said to me, "I could never send my girls away I don't know how your mother can do it." I may be overreacting, but I do take offense to these sorts of comments. I swear my parents love me! Im not being sent away, i chose to go away. Although Hotchkiss is an outstanding school, it is lesser known to those not involved or engaged in the boarding community. If only people recognized the academic opportunity, I think they would understand better why I chose to go there.</p>
<p>Is there any way to justify my decision to go to boarding school, so people don't think my parents and I are out of our minds? The looks we are given when we break the news about boarding school are becoming unbearable. Have other boarding parents experienced this?</p>
<p>Unless you prefer to educate the uninitiated about boarding schools you simply must have confidence in your decision and school preference without all the fanfare and pats on the back from parents’ friends. Trying to convince the clueless for their endorsement or stamp of approval is not modus operandi. Confidence in knowing why you want to go to boarding school is sufficient justification.</p>
<p>You don’t need to worry about justifying your decision for other people. As long as you and your parents know the logic behind YOUR decision, you should be fine. If things get out of hand, (like people telling you that your family made a terrible choice) you can always tell them about some of Hotchkiss’ distinguished alumni or show them its website. (Potter Stewart, Henry Luce, Britton Hadden, the Ford and Mars Family) I got the same type of reactions from my parent’s friends, but after we took the time to inform them about Hotchkiss, they were definitely more accepting of the idea BS. One family like the idea so much that hey are considering applying next year!</p>
<p>abiriba put it quite bluntly, but generally speaking, he/she is correct: you are not compelled to inform the clueless about BS; however, if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with them ( WhichvI am sure you do) go ahead and inform them.</p>
<p>If you are not living in the greater Boston area or parts of Connecticut you are likely to encounter this. There is a long thread about this that you can find here:</p>
<p>As a parent, one who was involved for many years as a volunteer at our public schools, it has been a very isolating experience. I would definitely count it as one of the downsides of BS.</p>
<p>As Momof7thGrader says “it has been a very isolating experience. I would definitely count it as one of the downsides of BS.” This applies to parents more than children. Both of my children are more than grateful for the BS experience, but when home, there’s no getting around how awkward it is. For us parents it can be downright lonely. For kids, it means keeping low profile about the wonderful opportunities BS provides while with local kids. Luckily, the time at home is short, so the impact isn’t as much. </p>
<p>But during college application season, expect your family to occasionally feel like you are under a microscope locally as parents and kids alike try to determine if you are better off. (See “schadenfreude”).</p>
<p>wcmom1958 and Momof7thgrader: I actually worry about these “parts” of the boarding school experience. But, I in no way regret the decision for her to go. Nor does she. Of course, we say that now! LOL </p>
<p>Seriously, we can only make decisions based on the facts in play at the time the decision is made. Who can say where the kids would end up if they stayed home… there are too many other factors which contribute to failure and/or success to be able to compare schools apples-to-apples. </p>
<p>In other words, we all just have to do what works for each of us. It is a shame there are downsides to ANY choice… I am dreading the “missing her” part. We have moved a lot so I am not so invested in this community that I can’t find something to do, but I can certainly sympathize with others who now feel excluded from previous activities. </p>
<p>I wonder why everyone else seems to be so invested in what other families choose. And why they feel the need to comment… fortunately, my daughter is the kind of kid that people have no trouble picturing her “on her own”, so we have been spared most of the comments. Whew.</p>
<p>My favorite question is: “Does SHE want to go?” I usually laugh and tell them: “I would never force a kid to go away to school if they didn’t want to go. It cost WAY too much for that!” They usually stop after that. If they ask how much it costs, I just tell them they don’t want to know. I figure Google could tell them if they have to hear it.</p>
<p>ahaha London my mom gets that question too, the best part is that they ask when I’m right next to her. The best question I’ve gotten is what did you do wrong? Which is usually followed by me saying “it’s not what I’ve done wrong, it’s what I’ve done right”. Now that I’m going dorm shopping, more and more cashiers ask me what school I’m going to(assuming that I’m going to college) and when I tell them a boarding school I get the strangest looks. I guess it just comes with the territory :)</p>
<p>In my experience, you say the words “boarding school,” but many people hear the words “I’m richer than you.” It brings out class insecurities and fears that you will look down on them. As with most hurtful things people say, it’s about their fears, and not your shortcomings. After all, one can only base understanding on experience of familiar boarding school students and for most people, that’s Harry Potter. He had a pile of gold and a terrible family. </p>
<p>I got lectured this summer by the Super Shuttle driver who picked me up at my boarding school because schools like mine are too expensive. Not even my joke that I get paid to teach here but couldn’t ever afford to go here stopped him. In a country where a lot of people cannot afford to send their kids to decent schools–never mind top schools–it stings them to come into contact with someone who is getting something better. The little digs and comments are part of associating with boarding schools. The thing to truly be hurt and offended by is the vast number of kids in this country who will never get a shot at a decent education.</p>
<p>Anyone who is getting to go to a good school (or gets to send their kids to one) has much to celebrate. It sounds as if you are all learning to deal effectively with the occasional snark attacks.</p>
<p>Albion, this is probably the best post you have ever made. To the OP, the snark has much more of do with their own fears that that their child is not getting the best education available, and that you are (and if they live in many parts of the country, their fear is justified!) We learned quickly not even to discuss our children’s great fortune unless someone specifically asked about their experience.</p>
<p>The negative responses that we have heard regarding our DS going off to school are very similar. This doesn’t work for all but since he was in need of a pretty substantial financial aid package, and got it (from 1 school) I enjoy telling them that he needed and received the aid and “Actually, we will save money by sending him off now.” That really hits them where it hurts!</p>
<p>“I know my mom’s gonna miss me and I’m definitely going to miss her, but I really think Hotchkiss is the right place for me to be right now so I’m excited about going.”</p>
<p>A response like this emphasizes both your bond with your family and your enthusiasm for the boarding school experience while not denigrating the choices your friends and their families have made. If pushed, stress the aspect of fit. We try to be specific about the BS’s offerings. If you simply say, “Hotchkiss has really strong academic programs” the listener may think, “And what is my kid getting at the local HS? Watered down academics? Elitist Hotchkiss brat!” If instead you say “I’m interested in rowing and Hotchkiss has a crew program” or “I really liked Hotchkiss’ marine biology program” or “I like that you can do a varsity sport and still be in the orchestra” you’re likely to get a better reception because most kids will not be interested in the exact same programs you find attractive.</p>
<p>I very recently spoke with an alumnus interviewer for a HYPMS school who told me that she felt that boarding school students were arrogant and had an unfair advantage. She also felt that HYPMS etc. had too many of said boarding school students. I did discuss the rigor and other advantages of BS. She said she knew about the potential advantages but was more impressed with those coming from public schools with “a hunger and a drive” rather than BS students “who had everything handed to them… with stellar ECs”. I would imagine this is not the normative opinion but it is out there.</p>
<p>My kid did once tell me that his friends said boarding school students were “hated” in elite colleges. Not sure how true that is but apparently the assumption that BS students “had everything handed to them” die hard. The truth of course as we all know is that other than those with special hooks to make their ways to HYPMS from a competitive BS is just that much harder than from a smaller private school or a good public school. Oh well, having gone through the college admissions process recently, I’m glad that AO’s don’t seem to share the views of this alumnus you mentioned.</p>
<p>@Tigerdad, this has always been out there, and probably always will be. For better or worse, though, many of the elite colleges admit more than 50% of their students from private schools. The sad truth is that the gap - overall - between public and private school performance is growing – along with class sizes and testing in publics. I can’t speak for high performing suburban publics, but locally we have seen a decline in the performance of public school students in standardized test scores and college admissions. </p>
<p>The interviewer you reference could be any one of the adversarial parents we talk about on this board. I don’t think this will ever change.</p>
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