Regardless of limited research and anectodal evidence, it will be unwise for the parents of ADHD children not to expect ceratin level of struggles in college. Some kids do better in college than in high school, some do not. Prepare for the tough road ahead and plan accordingly.
Well, that ^ goes without say, @jupiter98 . ALL students have adjustment issues going to, and many have struggles with college. Not just those with ADHD. That is why they have freshman orientation programs. Students with learning, attention and/or emotional issues have even more adjustment challenges. Please read the Hechinger article I linked. It is quite eye opening.
There are many many differences between how academics are handled at the HS vs college level, and many students are ill prepared to have the self discipline or study skills to handle it.
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GAP year is just not an option. He’s already at home daily in his pj’s doing work online. That cannot happen in my household another year. We cannot handle that. I won’t enable him to be lazy. If he does stay at home, we will require him to work and take classes part-time until we can all make a plan as to what
yes, he does volunteer at the orphan relief nearby when he has time. I will tell you that going to school online takes more time that you think. He’s up online at 830 for homeroom and works all day sometimes until 5 or 6 depending on what he has to do.
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What is the real issue?
WHY care if he’s in his PJs if he (according to you) is working on his schooling all day long??? ’
Would you feel better if he slept in sweatpants and a Tshirt and then did school work in those??
If he did a gap year, but worked full-time from 9am - 6pm Monday thru Friday, would you and your H be ok with that??
As I said earlier academics is just one part of a successful college experience. Academically , he may be able to perform . What concerns me the most is his lack of executive functioning and social skills. These skills are as important , if not more important than intellect. Piecing together a last minute plan is not beneficial, certainly not for someone with these issues.
Thanks for all the many posts! As for him being home in pj’s all day…it’s just the fact that he’s at home and not at the nice, private school he was doing well at. We didn’t have another choice for high school really since he’d already been at the one we actually moved to be near and the other is failing so we had to find something with the almighty quickness (within 10 days after kid is withdrawn) and it’s online. So, just seeing him on the sofa in pj’s as we’re headed out to work is infuriating my H. I felt it too for awhile but am now just aiming at getting him through the rest of hs.
What is an executive coach??
We do have an excellent psychiatrist. He thinks if he can get through without meds then that’s what we should do because of the severe depression. He doesn’t want to run the risk that he might harm himself. Son is foreign adopted so there are many issues that we have dealt with over the years. As for driving, he has sensory issues so I think it might be a matter of lights and cars passing by that bother him. I am not pressing him to drive right now. Last time I did that he ended up pulling off the side of the road and in a fight with me.
I’m still not at all sure about a gap year. I understand the freshman vs. transfer scholarship issues but I really don’t know how much things will change for him within a year. There are so many what-if’s too. Anything can happen at anytime I know but a big fear of mine is that once he finds a girlfriend that might be the end of his motivation to go to school. We had this happen with my friend’s kid who lived with us his last 2 years of high school. All high hopes and wanted to be a pilot. He was taking pilot training and had a good college acceptance. He met a girl who already had a baby and started dating much to my dismay. Next thing I know they are married…now expecting another baby and neither have a college education. He has a decent job but what a disappointment! Anyway, I fear this for our family.
@carolina71 You do realize that your son may meet a girl at college don’t you? Personally ,I’d be more concerned about his ability to get himself to class, complete his assignments on time, interact in a socially appropriate way, manage his money, navigate a college campus and manage his ADHD, anxiety and depression.
Yes, I am sure he will meet a girl;))) My point is I don’t think a GAP year will change him one way or another except if he gets out of the habit of going to school life becomes easier for him and more relaxed. He loves working so that’s not a problem for him. am afraid he will just give up going to college altogether. Trust me when I say we have been through absolute hell with this kid and I just don’t know that a year “off” will be a good thing.
I trust that you have had a rough year. I’m not sure how sending him to college is going to fix the underlying issues JMO. What do you foresee to be different about college than HS other than location?
Does he have reactive attachment disorder?
I don’t really see too much changing with him honestly be it here or elsewhere. The underlying problems have been evaluated and treated to the best of our ability so I think he just needs to keep moving and be the best he can be. I have just been reading another thread about kids with similar issues and how they are doing. Some good, some bad. I don’t ever look for there to be an easy path but we need to have a plan at least. No, he does not have RAD.
Since you seem determined to launch this child prematurely, I will switch gears and encourage you to research and purchase tuition insurance. There are some threads about it here in cc
You also will want to read all the fine print of the school policies for deadlines for withdrawal, deadlines for dropping a class, and exact procedures for loan cancellations.
Each school will have exact procedures and you can be liable for entire semester of college charges if you don’t follow procedures. There are rules for taking federal money and school merit money, including how many hours of classes you have to take.
Be prepared with life coach and counselor on campus. Scope out quiet study nooks and have him arrive early to get used to a new city.
Read the syllabus for each class carefully. Some professors have strict attendance policy, and you can do all the work and still fail the class if you don’t come to class.
I really do appreciate all of the comments. I’m curious though…I think some of you are speaking from experience having a similar child or are a counselor…which ones are which?
Since he likes working, have you considered switching gears and looking at a trade for him? Something with an apprenticeship that keeps him working but teaches skills to earn a good living. If down the road he decides he wants a job requiring a college education, he likely would have matured enough that he won’t require as much from you all to be successful in that environment
My family is in the midst of raising a teenage boy with difficult issues. PM me and I am glad to share our experiences.