It sounds like there are deeper issues going on, and I second the suggestion for some counseling (for you and your husband, not just your son) to help sort through it all.
In the long run it will be easier to make a careful decision now, rather than do what seems to come next and hope it all works out. Keeping your family in my thoughts! It is a stressful time.
Here is what I would do (I have ADHD child in college)
You probably will not see much difference in his abilities between now and a year from now. ADHD struggles are real and long lasting.
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He’s up online at 830 for homeroom and works all day sometimes until 5 or 6 depending on what he has to do.
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This needs to be explored. Either he doesn’t know how to work efficiently or he’s goofing off when you don’t realize it.
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I need to say more…
There’s something wrong here. If your son is truly working hard from 8:30am until 5-6pm, your H would not be angry that son is TRULY working hard in PJ’s…because who the heck gives a rat’s patootie if someone works hard wearing PJs, sweats, or a suit while at home??? If your H is angry that son is TRULY working hard all day long in PJ’s, then it’s your H that needs therapy because he’s wrong.
However, I suspect that either your H knows son isn’t working hard during all of that time, or your H suspects that son isn’t working hard during all of that time. Either way, that needs to be clarified.
I also suspect that your H is very scared that he will soon have a fully-grown son on his hands who won’t be able to support himself. That is often a real fear for parents (and seems to be more of a fear for dads), and can manifest in anger.
^^that (Mom2CK)
If his test scores are high enough, he could get merit of full tuition (or more) at UAH, right, then it wouldn’t matter if he was OOS or instate?
What was his PSAT score? Did he take it this Oct as well?
True… ^^ but he doesn’t have test scores yet.
Frankly, I think the student should gap year and work full time …take NO CLASSES…don’t ruin the incoming freshman status that he’ll need later for best aid/merit.
We are not privvy to the constellation of attention/executive function/emotional/social/behavioral needs of this young man. That said, there are other, non stimulant treatments for some attentional/mood issues, like tenex, that will not suppress appetite or cause mood dysregulation.
If this young man has social challenges, I would have concerns about placement as a traditional student at the citadel. Add to this the incredible organization and time demands of being an engineering student and a cadet. And unfortunately the citadel is not known to have top resources for students needing accommodations at the level of needing an academic coach. And I am speaking wearing several hats- as one with background in mental health and cognitive/learning issues, school placement for traditional and non-traditional learners, the parent of 2 engineers and family member of one who completed college with ROTC. I think other options should be explored, based on the information provided thus far.
So true @jym626 . . . we looked at Cadet Corp with our DS when he was considering Virginia Tech. Didn’t think he could handle the time commitment, and his executive function issues are mild (but a talented student). To me that is way too much of a pressure cooker atmosphere for that kind of kid.
Now if they are only doing military, it might be more doable. Or only doing academics. But both together . . . seems like a recipe for disaster.
Agree with @jupiter98. My niece lived with us for a couple of years at one point while her parents worked overseas, a 1-year gap won’t make much difference for an ADHD kid.
Also an ADHD kid off meds with dyslexic tendencies can easily take all day on schoolwork. If you have no experience with LDs and ADHD, you don’t have a good filter for understanding this kid and what he is experiencing.
There is an online ADHD coaching program out of Seattle; sometimes Northeastern University refers their kids to them for a coach who will provide more personal support than the schools Disabilities program provides. You would need your son’s agreement that he would participate. That’s what was required for my neice with SALT. I think u can find them through search.
I agree with all @jupiter98 recommendations. However, my niece tried various types of meds, and they worked amazingly, but they all amped up her anxiety, even with maxed out anxiety meds at same time. And she has an amazing psychiatrist who specializes in this area of work with kids and young adults only. She gets by without meds–and she is combined type.
I would take with a grain of salt advice that does not seem to be tempered by personal ADHD/LD experience. There is a Learning Differences/ADHD thread on this board that has good advice/input. Also look back on old threads of now college success stories for these kids. Thinking of Shaw, and his son and daughter.
I would also recommend to be very cautious about merit scholarships that are GPA-dependent. Many ADD kids end up with a GPA that is one full point lower than non-ADD peers.
Do you have any verifiable (not anecdotal) data for this statement?
@Maystarmom much of the advice provided on this thread has been given by health professionals who have extensive experience with ADHD, anxiety, depression, ASD both professionally and personally . I’d be hesitant to dismiss it or discount it as useful.
GPA requirements for merit scholarships is a moot point at this time as OP’s son has not completed any testing at this time which means deadlines for scholarship consideration have been missed for next year @jupiter98 . If the OP’s son attends CC next year, he will most likely have limited scholarship opportunities as a transfer student that he would have as a freshman . That is one of the main reasons GAP year has been strongly recommended. Another reason a gap year has been suggested is this student is only 17 years old. Attending college as a 17 year old is difficult socially for students without psychosocial deficits . Students that have psychosocial deficits are even less prepared .
To what do they attribute this? I suspect many of the students are not using their accommodations that they may have had in HS, as this article discusses http://hechingerreport.org/colleges-respond-to-growing-ranks-of-learning-disabled/
That said, I read an interesting article that showed that students with ADHD benefited less from extended time than their non-disabled counterparts and may, if they had associated executive function challenges, did not use their extended time effectively http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1087054713510560
Not using accommodations, not taking meds, just being irresponsible would be my guess. I can also see how medicated kids might not benefit from extended time - my own moderate ADD child did not have any accommodations at hs and graduated with AP scholar with distinction award.
@carolinamom2boys that is good to hear! I greatly respect parents on this board who have ushered their ADHD/LD kids through HS and college and into life–I find their advice the most meaningful.
If I am reading the article you posted correctly, @jupiter98 , the GPA discrepancy was one standard deviation (not one point) between a very small sampling of ADHD and non ADHD students seeking career advice in the counseling center. They also report greater coexisitng drug/alcohol misuse and MH problems in teh ADHD students. They also cite some studies that did not find any difference in GPA between ADHD and non-ADHD students, and in another case, 0.5 SD lower. From your article:
My point is, there can be many explanations for GPA discrepancies, if/when they exist, between students with/without ADHD.
From a chapter summary of a newer publication on this topic:
Point being, there is still much to be studied, and the jury is still out on whether or not some accommodations really provide benefit. This is, understandably, a controversial issue.
@maystarmom- There are some of us here who have ushered other people’s kids through this process, with training, knowledge and clinical experience.