I guess I’m so non-traditional and rule breaking! I know it depends on the “other side” and all, but I simply CANNOT comprehend the idea that the groom’s family has little say in a wedding - wow, doesn’t that set up standards/rules in a marriage?! “My wedding, not yours”? I don’t say that to offend, I just don’t get it!
The whole idea of “my money buys my choices” - also doesn’t register with me. If my girls are getting married and even if we are footing the entire bill, I sure would want the groom’s family to be involved and welcome some ideas and flavor the event for their likes and dislikes too!
Abasket, the bride’s family has involved me more than I expected. I certainly didn’t expect to be included in the dress search, but I was. But when it gets down to ideas for the reception, arranging tables, etc., I plan to keep my mouth shut unless my opinion is requested.
RIght and clearly every little detail doesn’t require everyone to have an opinion. That could get out of hand and probably nothing would get decided or no one would be happy!
A marriage is of two people, two families. My way of thinking is that overall, the event should be composed of what the bride and groom want - and LESS about what the families want. And if the bride and groom don’t care, then I think the families should save their cash and give them a generous “happy marriage!” check. But I have never understood the practice that the groom or his family has a lesser part in the planning. That’s just me.
I called the groom’s mom to try and get a bit of input. She lives a few thousand miles away and her financial position does not allow her to contribute to the wedding. So she is remaining neutral. So now the only opinions that count are D’s, her fiance, and to a much lesser extent mine. H has learned to keep quiet. The kids have the budget and good taste. I have the house and the check. The only opinion that I need to keep at bay is my mom’s. She is driving me nuts.
My guess is she’s probably bored @musicamusica and excited about the wedding. Is there one tiny aspect of the wedding you can make her domain, or would that be a slippery slope?
I agree with that expense issue too doschicos! I’m equal opportunity!!!
In our situation, we as the groom’s family will be paying for more than the bride’s family. Fine with me. S and FDIL are probably footing the most. I’m happy to do what we can for them. By no means by providing a fair chunk of $$ do I feel we need to or get to make the most decisions.
We did just that—she is in charge of finding the perfect veil and head piece and she is going to interview the pipers. (she is Scottish—gotta have the pipers). I will let her drive the small community of pipers nuts. D is very sweet—she asks her Nana every week for ideas, pictures, and soundclips of pipers.
She basically planned and paid for my over the top wedding. I wanted something small and simple but I figured if she was paying… ($9000 for flowers in 1983!) I think she got off to the wrong foot way back then and just doesnt understand what the kids want. She is horrified that we are having the wedding at home and not in church. BTW on my last visit she pulled up the website for the Ritz Carlton—THEY do weddings!
BTW—I closed my pinterest account this weekend. I was falling into a vortex of wedding ideas and finding myself coming up with schemes and ideas that have gotten way off track from our original intent. Deep breath, onward and upward, it’s their wedding not mine. And you are right @doschicos —
I need to be more patient and understanding with my mom. Maybe get her going on napkins this week.
musica- Are our mothers sisters? :)) My mother gave my daughter an ear full the other day about the alteration place she should have her dress worked on. My daughter is going to use the woman that works at the boutique she purchased the dress from; my mother thinks she should use a women she has used on her clothing forever. Great idea if one wants to pay 4 times the amount needed!!
The bride and groom have a vision and I have kept my mouth shut unless asked for my opinion. It helped that my son was married 4 months ago; I have had practice biting my tongue. X_X
Thanks for bumping this tread up - reminds me I wanted to put another question out there!
Was talking to FDIL this week about her first trip to a florist with her mom. She mentioned that the florist asked her what did she have in mind for the guys, MOB, GMOB, etc. - is that a thing? That groom’s mom would have flowers? Seems ridiculous to me! I don’t really care to have anything pinned to my dress and a wrist corsage or whatever feels like I’m going to prom! Given a choice, I’d probably pass. What’s the norm? (not that I want to be the norm!!)
Well they can ask (after all it’s their job to sell more flowers) But I think for the most part the the question on the MOB and GMOB has gone the way of corsages in general. Very few people really wear them anymore.
I don’t really care for corsages either, but they were part of the deal when my two oldest ds got married. They were nicely done and my daughters wanted them for certain family members. A nice variation on that - when d1 was married, she ordered nosegay bouquets for all the grandmothers present. They loved them.
One of my daughters used this online site for less-expensive wedding flowers: http://www.bridesign.com/ The quality was excellent. Not for everyone, especially if you don’t have someone willing to store and transport all the bouquets and arrangements. It worked well for us.
Mothers and grandmothers had nosegays when S married in '12 and D plans this for her June wedding. I put mine from S’s wedding in a little vase when I got home and it lasted for 5-6 days of additional enjoyment.
We were told that the mothers and grandmothers have nosegays these days. We said that the grandmothers needed wrist corsages instead of something they would have to keep track of. The first florist said that wrist corsages were so “aging.” LOL, the grandmothers are over 80! We have also learned that most guys don’t have boutineers anymore.
DIL and her sisters did the flowers for the wedding. The made small corsages for the mothers, similar to the buttonieres they made for the men in the wedding party. I wasn’t aware they were going to do this, was wearing a lace dress, and didn’t want to pin anything on. It was a little awkward when I said I didn’t want to wear it, but I did say I would take it home as a keepsake (which I did).
