When is everyone sending out invitations? It was always my understanding that invitations to out of town guest would go out about 8 weeks in advance, and the in town people about 6 weeks. I am finding lately, that all invitations are going out at the same time, and usually close to 8 weeks.
Our issue is, we have to let the venue know a final count 5 weeks in advance, so we want RSVPs to be in a week before that so we can start contacting those we haven’t heard from. While my daughter sent out emailed Save The Date, I am not sure how early I want to send out the invitations to our US guest; the UK people received theirs 14 weeks before the wedding date, which according to my daughter, was actually late!
For my son’s wedding last fall, I was surprised the number of people that did not RSVP to the wedding and/or the rehearsal dinner/dessert party. Not a single one of the other residents in my son’s program replied for the dessert party, so I made my son contact each of them so I could give a final count to the venue. Actually, while I knew they were coming, the brides immediate family never replied!
I think it is so rude not to respond. My snarky news would come out, calling or e-mailing, something along the line of, if I don’t hear back from you by ____, I will assume u r not coming.
A 5 week lead time for the venue seems pretty long. I wonder why they need such advance notice when I would think the main reason for knowing would be food ordering.
Bad manners to not rsvp. But this is why we didn’t use them for our reception. According to our caterers half the people invited come no matter what. That’s the number we went with and it worked out but it was not a sit down dinner. And might be a better rule of thumb for traditional wedding. Small weddings might be more targeted and have higher percentage attendance.
Granted it was years ago but my wedding had at least a 90% yield (using college vernaclar ). We would have been screwed planning for only half.
I think you just need to track people down, unfortunately. Too much money to waste on no shows and nothing worse than an event without enough to eat and drink.
It’s so awful to have to call people and ask if they are coming. (shaking head)
My S and FDIL sent their invites out 2 weeks ago and the wedding is June 18 - so maybe 6-7 weeks out? I will say that they are a little behind on everything (though they do eventually get everything done!) so maybe other people send out a bit earlier!
5 weeks is a long lead time for a venue/caterer. D is getting married June 11, responses were due May 11, and she has to give the caterer a firm number and 90% of the payment (sit-down dinner) 2 weeks before wedding. She sent out save the date cards in Feb so everyone knew it was coming, and out of town guests could make reservations needed. I told her I would call any of my side of the family who didn’t respond, except for my estranged sister who never responds and never comes to anything.
Was surprised to get an official invitation to the rehearsal dinner from groom’s parents. My family is much more informal about these things. (Did not require an RSVP, just regrets only)
When my D got married, the only people who didn’t RSVP were friends of my son-in-law. He called each one a week before. I think it was only 5-6 people. In general, I’m surprised at how many people don’t RSVP.
I went to a black tie event last night, wearing the shoes I was going to wear to the wedding. I bought them a few years ago and they were perfect for my dress. Whoa! As soon as I put them on and walked a couple of steps I knew that they were NOT the shoes for the wedding. Moderately uncomfortable but more importantly, the sling back slipped on my heel and they are noisy…will not be clomping down a long slate aisle in them. Before I left for the event, I ordered 5 pairs from zappos. (I have a wide foot so can’t shop in stores.) Thank goodness for the event last night or I would have put on the shoes right before the wedding and thought “oh no!”
I wore the shoes I intended to wear for the wedding this past Sunday and broke them. I have had them a few years also. New shoes for me! I hate shopping, but find it too hard to get the right size online. Plus I may look for something to wear in my hair (like a clip) and some clip on earrings since I let my holes close up. I’m procrastinating.
Just make sure the shoes are comfortable. I bought a new pair of heels for D’s wedding and they looked good but were torturous on my feet. They were slipped off as soon as I got into the reception hall and I went without. I wish I had thought to place a bag with a pair of flats under the table!
I think “regrets only” vs RSVP would depend on venue/meal setup/seating arrangements. If it is plated meal and/or arranged seating, then I think RSVP would be preferable. If it is a more casual “grab a seat” with a buffet or spread of food, a ‘regrets only’ may work. Personally, I like to have a fairly exact headcount when entertaining to ensure enough food without having too much leftover that there is excessive waste and expense.
We are doing a plated rehearsal dinner, probably with assigned seating, and did note R.S.V.P. (provided both phone and e-mail contact info) on the invites. Very glad we did. The private dining room (at an historic inne) we are using had a minimum number required to hold, and a maximum capacity size. We needed to monitor the responses to make sure we were on track comfortably between both extremes. Four weeks out we are still missing a few responses but will be fine for total number.
Honestly, I think once someone has experienced planning a wedding or similar event, and having to deal with this issue, I can’t imagine delaying a response ever after.
Get the invite, make the decision, and let the hosts know! WHAT is the problem?
I feel like telling the prompt responders they get an extra dessert, LOL! (Just kidding, but really, I so appreciate that.)
Also, I appreciate the nice notes some guests wrote with their e-mailed responses.
I follow up with any non-responders on “our” guest list, and ask MOB or the bridal couple to follow up with their guests. We are inviting them to dinner, and need to know if they are coming!
You have to be a sublimely serene person to be able to deal with the aftermath of sending a “regrets only” invitation.
If you are the least bit neurotic, you need the reassurance of RSVPs.
Let’s say you send out 100 invitations and you hear nothing at all. Does that mean all 100 people are coming? Or does it mean that the mail truck burned up in a fiery crash and all of the invitations were destroyed?
And why haven’t people acknowledged your invitation and let you know how excited they are to attend (despite the “regrets only” language)? Are people excited or not? The people who fail to contact you seem so ungrateful!
And have the people who have not sent their regrets actually assented, by their silence, that they are planning to attend – in a prompt and timely manner? Or, are they secretly “regrets” who are just late – as usual – in their response?
And now the venue needs a firm number and you’ve heard crickets.
Better just call everyone to get a clear picture who is coming!
Invites went in the mail at the end of last week and arrived on Monday and Tuesday for D’s 6/25 wedding. First response got back to her in the mail on Wednesday and then she had 20 responses in the mailbox today when she got home from her graduation. I imagine it will be like so many things. A good number will respond promptly and then there will be those who will be stragglers. D has to have final number for catering three weeks in advance.
We went to a wonderful wedding for my nephew in Bermuda. It wasn’t a destination wedding because that’s where the bride was from. They sent out an online invite and a formal paper invite almost a year prior. Of course a month before the wedding, few family members decided they could go after they declined originally. The bride’s family was gracious enough to make room for them.
My sister and BIL had the rehearsal dinner which included everyone from the wedding.
). We would have been screwed planning for only half.