@snoozn - I think you are going to have a fun wedding. This looks like what my oldest d would have had if she had thought about it. She did the civil ceremony instead. I am glad I didn’t have to do any belly dancing though!
@snoozn - That sounds like a really fun wedding! I grew up in NYC and have lived in LA for the past 30+ years so trust me when I say I’ve been to weddings, commitment ceremonies, divorce celebrations, etc. that were really “out there” so to speak. Yours sounds like it will have some unique elements inside the traditional structure of a marriage celebration, which I think is great. This is your D and her H to be’s day to craft as their own. Btw, I’ve seen tribal fusion dancers perform and they were wonderful! Props to your D 
And I love the elf ear jewelry! I wonder how it would look on a 56 year old woman… 
@snoozn, that sounds like such fun! I love the elf ear jewelry–had never seen it before. So special!
@snoozn Fun plans that really incorporate your daughter’s and future SIL’s personality and interests! It also sounds like you all are very organized. I’m sure it will be memorable.
I’ll send you my address for an invite.
@snoozn , is your D secretly my S’s college girlfriend? That’s exactly the wedding they would have had if they had stayed together. (except that I know she’s been married for about 5 years). It sounds like a lot of fun. Thank you for the visual links.
Chiming in as a mom of a May '17 bride. Venue is booked and dress is bought, only hemming is necessary for alterations. 80% of guests will need hotel rooms, so I am pressing D for a number so I can block rooms. I am thinking to block rooms at a couple of mid priced hotels, and those who want the higher priced ones will do so on their own. Does that sound right?
If you have that many guests who will require hotel rooms, I think it’s a great idea to have at least two price options. As with any hotel block, just make sure you get clear info from the hotel/contract - deadlines, perks for guests, what you are responsible for, etc.
Future DIL found THE dress. It was fun going with her but the poor girl was exhausted at the end of the day. Lots of changing in and out of dresses is tiring!
May 2017 wedding. Not 2016. Will we have a new thread? I can never tell what the rules are here.
Can an admin add to the title, add “2017” in there?
I’d actually just been thinking about that earlier in the week, and wondered what would be the most efficient way to handle it, and thought about added 2017 to the thread (but what happens when 2018 weddings get scheduled?) It doesn’t really make sense to split it into years and have different threads for different years. However, if a member’s child is just getting engaged and is planning a 2017 or 2018 wedding, then they probably aren’t going to want to go back and read 66 pages of posts!
Thoughts?
Why not just call it “The Wedding Thread” and let it go on continuously? Seriously, the “Diet and Exercise” thread is up to 3574 pages and the “Say it here…” thread is at 800+ pages. This thread is a mere 66 pages…it’s got a ways to go before it catches those other two. Perhaps start a new one every decade or so to be followed of course, by the “Grandchildren” thread and then the “How to get your Grandchildren into College” thread and the “Should I help my Grandchildren Pay for College” thread…
Guess I’m getting a little ahead of myself here…
@abasket, mid priced rooms in the area all run about $140 per night, and the higher end hotels are about $300. Less expensive options are probably $80-$100, but 30 minutes away. I guess I will contact them all and see.
I seem to remember seeing a big thread that was “somethingsomething 2016 and beyond.” That way it’s immediately obvious that it isn’t limited to a particular year. Maybe a new thread should be posted after a certain amount of time or a certain number of pages. Then close the old thread with the last post being a link to the new thread. Then a new thread with the first post explaining what the heck is going on. It can feel weird to just dive into the middle of a giant thread.
I’ll happily go along with whatever happens…
Also, thanks guys for all the nice comments about D’s geeky belly dance wedding!
I think your plan of reserving a block at the mid-point is fine. I’ve helped plan a number of weddings and you’d be surprised how few people went for the higher-end options, even when they had the means. The folks that want the lower end will happily bargain shop for themselves. The negotiated discount at the mid-priced option will likely be most appreciated.
I am kind of shy to post here because D1’s wedding isn’t until 2018, even though we are starting to meet with wedding planners/caterers, etc. I think changing the title to 2016 and Beyond would work for me.
We are picking a weekend when we know the town is going to be quiet, so we could get the best rate for our guests. I think we are only to block off rooms at one hotel, and it will be a mid range hotel. It will make it easier for us to get transportation for the guests too.
I have been reading this thread to get a lot of pointers.
Depending on your crowd @CottonTales , if you have the time to explore it could be nice to offer the different levels- the hotel cost might make the difference in some people attending or not if you have a lot of out of towners. Recent college grads might be able to swing $90, but not $300. An older established couple or family might consider this a nice opportunity for a little get-away and want to pamper themselves with the nicer option.
But, you know your crowd!
I need to vent before I explode! My daughter’s wedding is in 3 weeks, and she and her fiance have done 99% of the planning from Europe; the wedding is in our home city. Planning from afar has proven to be hard, but not unmanageable. I would go to the local meeting, and my daughter would join by FaceTime. Luckily the venue is all inclusive, so food, floral and set up are all in house.
Most of my family members have had large Jewish weddings; 250+ people, seated dinner, engraved invitations, 8 piece bands, elaborate floral and table decorations; I think you get my drift. The groom to be is British and not Jewish, although they are having a Jewish ceremony. They have been to a number of wedding of friends and relatives and to say my SIL to be was shell shocked would be an understatement as British weddings he had attended were nothing like he was seeing here. The kids (yes, I do still call them kids even though they are almost 30) decided to have a low key, smaller wedding and they are paying for half the wedding as the groom insisted and would not take no for an answer! As my husband and I are both from our home city, and most of our family lives here, we are with our family often and very close. Our family members invited to the wedding was 70 people. When all was said and done, with a good many of the UK guess not making the trip, we ended up with just under 140 attending.
So my vent, I am hearing through the grapevine, and my mother is one of them that has voiced her opinions, how certain family members don’t like the plans for the weekend. I have let most of it slide as I knew a few of these complaints would be out there, but as we get closer to the date, and I getting a bit irritated. I have been responding that this is the wedding the kids wanted, and that is what they are getting, especially since they are paying. My wedding was my mother’s deal and I was happy to let her do it as I didn’t care. I was 23 when I got married and one of the first of my friends; what did I know about weddings My daughter had her vision and her fiance had his ideas; I let them run with it. There were a couple of items that I did suggest they think about doing differently; two they agreed to, one I was vetoed on!
If anyone has better responses to some of these feedback I am getting, please let me know; otherwise I might be angry at my relatives for a good while! These are the areas I am hearing complaints:
No rehearsal dinner-The groom’s parents are not into the US custom of hosting a rehearsal dinner, so the kids are having a welcome party at a local Mexican restaurant by the hotel and are providing drinks, chips and salsa. The groom’s parents I believe are providing $1,000 towards the bar, the kids will pay for a bit over if the tab goes over. The bridal party with have dinner at the same restaurant after the rehearsal, before the other wedding guest arrive. The kids again are paying for this dinner, although it is just a $10 taco bar! Dinner includes the bridal party and significant others, parents and grandparents; about 30 people. So the welcome party starts at 8:00 and I have just found out that my cousins that live out of town and staying with their sibling that lives here will not be joining us. The one that lives here is hosting a family dinner and inviting my brother, my parents and siblings, and assorted cousins and nieces. While that is a nice jester as everyone needs to be feed, it sounds like those attending the dinner will not come to the welcome party. My daughter is upset as the groom has not met 3 of my cousin and would like to meet them before the craziness of the wedding, and I haven’t seen the cousins in a year so was looking forward to spending a bit of time with them. I have let my oldest cousin know I really would like them to attend the party and hope she shares that information with the others as I am really stewing over this.
Gift registry- As the wedding is in the states and they live in the UK, the kids are doing a HoneyFund as it is too expensive to get gifts back to the UK and they have a furnished flat with little room for anything else! They would prefer a nice honeymoon that they plan to take sometimes next year. I have heard how tacky it is for the kids to ask for money, what a horrible way to collect money, etc… They did registry a few items in the UK, and some Judaica items here including their Kiddush cup they will use during the ceremony, so there are real gifts to buy if someone was so inclined. Is someone wants to send them a check instead of using the HoneyFund, they will gladly accept it
Reception- We have a great DJ coming instead of a band, so I have already heard how the music will be loud and horrible. I have been to plenty of wedding with a band that was loud and horrible! Us old folks all think the music is too loud! We are having a cocktail buffet without placecards, but enough seating for everyone. Getting grief about this also; where will we sit, what if there isn’t a place near who I want to sit with, blab blab blab. To save cost we are only having beer and wine; did you know someone’s evening will be ruined if they don’t have liquor?
Pictures- Seems the family is not happy we are not taking 500 pictures of every extended family member in attendance, making the bride and groom miss their entire cocktail hour. I have told the one step away from immediate family they were welcome to have the photographer take photos of their families, and if the bride and groom can be pulled to be in the pictures during the evening, they are happy to do so. We are just doing bridal party, sibling and grandparents for the initial pictures; will get more during the evening.
Sorry, that was longer than I expected!!
Ouch, I can feel your frustration. Somebody needs to politely tell the complainers that it’s the kids wedding, their choices. I’d still be annoyed but would feel better saying something to that effect.
@snowball - if this is the wedding your D and her fiancé have planned, then you’re just going to have to let all that ‘busy noise’ go on one ear and out the other. When people are planning their own wedding, they can make the choices they want to make. They don’t have the option of making choices for your D. If you don’t let go of some of this stuff, I’m afraid it will overpower what is supposed to be a very special day that’s about your D and her fiancé.
So I would just say to them, “It’s D’s wedding and these are the decisions they made, but I’m so happy they’re having it here, and she’s so glad you’re able to attend.” And change the subject.
Snowball, I’m so sorry that you’re encountering such grief, especially regarding such a joyous occasion. I understand that it can be especially difficult because you live so close to the complainers.
I think I would would respond to criticism by saying “I know this will be a wonderful, joyous occasion. I hope you can join me in loving support of my daughter and my new son-in-law.” I would then make it clear that I really don’t want to hear any criticisms or suggestions (from anyone).
Regarding the welcome party… have the guests been specifically (and individually) invited? If so, then I think you just celebrate with those who show. Don’t let any of this spoil your day!!!
@teriwtt I like that term “busy noise!” Most I am able to let go of and have replied that this is the kids wedding, not mine. Mostly the noise comes from my mother and her sister-in-law, who are both very opinionated women! My aunt I can deal with; my mother on the other hand is trying my nerves as I don’t want to say something ugly to her, and afraid I might :0 She actually told me I should not tell people the kids were hosting the wedding as it looks bad on me instead of what a wonderful son in law I am getting that wants to provide for his wife and himself! My mother doesn’t like that my daughter is concerned how her future in laws feel, and is trying to make the British family and friends comfortable at the wedding; how dare my daughter be the bigger person
Where I am hurt is my cousin who is hosting the dinner as I feel she is making it where her guest won’t want to leave her house to come join us. I should not feel this way as they all have small children, so of course they need to have dinner. It is when she started inviting the other relatives, that I think everyone will just want to stay over at her house, forgetting they came to town for my daughter’s wedding. I could be wrong and maybe my cousins will still show up; I could be getting upset for no reason.