2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 1)

Parents Forum Parent Cafe
1041

A cocktail buffet is a regular buffet menu, just with smaller plates. So instead of dinner plates and people going through one big line and stuffing their plate will every food in the line, there will be stations with salad sized plates, silverware, and napkins. You can go to all stations, you just might need to get a new plate when you go. The amount of food available is the same with a buffet dinner; the idea is everyone will not necessarily go through a line at the same time; the food will be available all night and you can go at your leisure. So, the tables will not have place settings, something I am not fond of, but was what the bride and groom wanted. Believe me, not one will leave hungry, there is plenty of food!!

As far as Saturday night, the wedding is on Sunday, again, I have been to several wedding where there is no longer a formal rehearsal dinner. Welcome parties are happening more and more. For my son’s wedding in New Orleans, he wanted people to be able to enjoy their trip to New Orleans, and not have to run from one wedding event to another. What we had was a huge dessert party for all guest invited to the wedding. We fed the bridal party, which included parents and grandparents at the same venue, then the other guest arrived at 8:00 for drinks and dessert. Everyone has a great time as well enjoyed the gardens and watched the slideshow make by the sisters of the bride and groom. My son had suggested restaurants on their website, and offered to help anyone with plans.

So my daughter’s Saturday night dinner is again just the bridal party, parents and grandparents. Yes we are having taco and such, but we will also have fun. The kids are laid back and this is what they wanted and what they could afford. If the grooms parents would have hosted a dinner, the kids would have agreed to it; they didn’t, so that is where we are.

My cousins dinner is fine; they have to eat and have a house full of guest staying with them. My upset was with not being able to spend time with my other cousins; I don’t get to see them often. I did hear that some of them plan to try to come. These are young parents in their 40’s who go out every Saturday night. The grandmother, my aunt, will keep the kids as she doesn’t want to come. The house and restaurant are 10 minutes away from each other, and not traffic. I am sure they can stop by for an hour; it’s not like they go to bed at 9:00!!

I do remember when my best friends oldest daughter was getting married and the wedding planner informed her she could not host a wedding without alcohol; that just beer and wine would not do! My friends said if someone wasn’t going to attend because she wasn’t serving alcohol, that will be one less person to pay for! The price of adding liquor has gotten so high when you can not bring you own in; it is ridiculously the price charged per person. My kids paid to upgrade the beer and wine served, but both chose to only have beer and wine. There are so many craft beers, and my son is quite the expert on beers, so if it was good for him, it is good with me!

1042

@snowball Thanks for the explanation about the reception. It sounds lovely.

Glad folks are going to be able to,get to the welcome event.

1043

^^^ I personally thought S and DIL were crazy for NOT just having beer and wine! But they wanted mixed drinks as well. They actually had to purchase all the alcohol on their own (the bartender would have done it but it would have been more expensive) and haul it into the venue. In the end it worked out. (duty free shop in Canada saved them a good bit of cash!)

One of the unfortunate things about weddings IMO - especially for the bridal family - is that it is tough to spend much quality time with out of towners. Just so much going on even a day or two before the wedding and such that it feels like you can barely touch base with everyone.

1044

@snowball I think the plans sound great, including the rehearsal dinner/cocktails plans. I don’t really get the recent trend to having such large rehearsal dinner events. It’s become like another wedding reception before the wedding reception!

1045

@doschicos that is exactly what my kids wanted to avoid! If we had planned a dinner for all wedding guest for my son’s wedding, it would have been casual at a park. As almost all the guest were out of town guest for my son’s wedding as it was hosted where he lived, the guest list for Friday and Saturday would have been the same. The dessert party turned out great and we were all pleased.

1046

It all sounds great! I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the turn-out at the welcome party. The group will likely head out from the cousin’s dinner to the welcome party in a very happy mood!

1047

@snowball, thanks for explaining the reception. It sounds great! I’d much prefer that to the typical plated dinner. The likelihood is that some people will stake out a table and cling to it all evening, while others will move around and mingle. As long as there is enough seating for everyone, it should suit everyone. :slight_smile:

I also agree that the trend for having rehearsal dinners that include as many people as the wedding is unnecessary. If people want to do it, fine, but I don’t think it should be viewed as expected.

Please pardon my doubts. My greatest nightmare at an event is Not Having Enough Food! :smiley:

Oh, and I think beer and wine is perfect for a reception. If I were doing one today, that’s what I would provide.

1048

I like the new thread name!

Solicitation for advice: As per my earlier description, the geeky belly dance wedding will not be at all traditional. Everyone in my family knows that and all the people I want to come are fine with it. One family may or may not want to be involved, but they know the deal and we are fine whether they come or not for whatever reason. I do have some concern about the elderly aunts and uncle’s on H’s side who we’ve had no communication with for years. Would it be best to have H’s parents talk to their siblings to let them know what to expect? D will definitely have a wedding website with some description and I think that will be announced in the save-the-date’s, but I’m not sure I want to count on the great aunts and uncles being able to use the internet or knowing what a wedding website is.

D came over yesterday for wedding planning. I got to see 18yo D in her MOH costume and it looks great. Each bridesmaid (and one bridesman) will be dressed a little different but complementary. We had a lot of fun going through possible reception music and D like almost all of our ideas (from younger D, 16yo S and me). Of course her fiance still needs to approve. There will be a little something for everyone. (Sadly, not for people who like country – we decided “Good-bye Earl” wasn’t really appropriate for a wedding and that’s the only country song D likes!)

It is a great relief that we’ve decided to increase the guest count to relieve some of the pressure of inviting who you “should” along with who you very much would like to come. Right now we’ve reserved the reception tent that holds 75. We’ve decided to go up to the biggest tent, which holds 100. We cut out the shuttles (which I didn’t think were necessary) and that gave us enough for the bigger tent and extra food and drink. It’s possible we still won’t have more than 75.

I found a great idea on the tacky wedding things thread about bridal shower gifts that some others may find of interest. I believe it was @thumper1 who explained a “re-gifting” shower. The guests are asked to bring something small from home for the bride and tell the story behind it, or optionally buy a <$10 gift. D’s best friend/dance partner plans on throwing a shower with their belly dance friends (who will all be invited to the wedding now, thanks to the expanded guest list). These girls are not made of money, so I’d hate to have them not only buy a wedding gift but then think they have to spend money on a shower gift too.

@snowball, well it sounds like you’ve gotten a lot of good advice, so I’ll just join in to say ignore the complainers (no matter how closely related!) and concentrate on your D and her fiance having a great time along with all the guests who actually appreciate being included in this very special moment of their lives. The snarky side of me would be inclined to say something like “The kids have put together a wedding that is very meaningful for them. We completely understand if it is not up to everyone’s standards and some people prefer not to attend.” I wouldn’t say that, but I’d want to! :smiley:
As for the HoneyFund, I think it’s completely appropriate to this unusual situation with the couple living abroad. If you’d rather not hear anyone call it tacky, they could use @calmom’s idea. It’s hard to call something tacky when it includes the option of a charitable donation!

@calmom, wow, how exciting to be having your D’s wedding this weekend! I hope everything is great and also that your D doesn’t get any more ridiculous last minute (we’re talking really last minute at this point!) requests for +1’s. My D is also not including +1’s for everyone because we simply don’t have the space. With advance notice we’d surely be able to work things out as long as there are enough “no” rsvp’s (which I imagine there will be). But not 4 days pre-wedding. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good weather for the event.

@dentmom4, congratulations to your S and his wife! I can’t imagine the tension with everyone waiting to see if you MIL would be able to recover to make it to the ceremony. I’m so glad everything worked out and it’s great you were able to give them a lot of help.

1049

I think explaining to the elderly aunts what will happen is good, or at least provide a program with what IS happening for guests who don’t know. A co-worker’s SIL was married in a very traditional Jewish ceremony, but was not raised in such a traditional way. Many of the guests, her parents and relatives weren’t so religious, so they had a booklet sent to all attending about the dress, the customs, what to expect. It was very interesting and if anyone objected, they didn’t have to come.

1050

Re a re-gifting shower: My friend had that kind of shower and it was billed a “potlatch,” which I gather is a word borrowed from a Native American tribe. The instructions were to bring a “meaningful object” from your own life (or something like that), but it clearly was communicated that you weren’t supposed to buy new things. The whole “meaningful object” thing added a whole new level of pressure, but it didn’t involve shopping.

(A quick look at Wikipedia doesn’t seem to indicate that term “potlatch” implies re-gifting, but that was clearly how it was used and understood in the group of artsy-New-Agey women who planned and attended this particular shower).

1051

In our family, both on my side and my husband’s side, a large rehearsal dinner is not a recent trend. Like abasket mentioned, it is hard to get to spend time with all the out of town relatives at the wedding reception, so we have always included them in the rehearsal dinner, especially considering they have flown thousands of miles for the weekend. My immediate family is large and scattered across the country, we usually only see each other once a year, so more time is good. My D was a bit upset when her MIL wanted to only have the bridal party, but they worked it out. Every family wedding she has been to has included out of town relatives at the rehearsal dinner.

I can’t think of anything I have that I would want to give away at a bridal shower. I’d much rather buy a gift!

1052

We ended up with 43 at the rehearsal dinner. We included the out of state aunts and uncles, plus some cousins, and the rest was the bridal party with their SOs. The relatives flew in from the west coast for a weekend and I was happy to have some extra time with them.

On a happy note, DIL’s mom may be released from the hospital in a week as she is doing so much better. Unfortunately, she doesn’t remember much of the wedding, but has seen pictures and there will be a video to watch later.

1053

My daughter will be getting married in September 2017. She and her fiance have chosen a brunch wedding. They like the idea because it’s substantially less expensive than an evening wedding at the same (really nice) venue. I like it because there will be small children at the wedding, and I think they will behave better at a time of day when they’re not likely to be exhausted. However, none of us has any previous experience with brunch weddings, so this is kind of a voyage into the unknown for all of us.

Does anyone here have any experience – positive or negative – with brunch weddings?

1054

One of XH’s step-sisters had a brunch wedding almost 40 years ago and I still remember it as one of my favorite weddings. Where I live, you can’t go wrong feeding people country ham & biscuits, omelets, etc. Sounds like fun, @marian.

1055

Thank you, @2vu0609.

1056

I think a brunch wedding would be refreshingly unique. I think older guests would appreciate not having to drive home late at night after a late dinner.

The only potential downside is the more limited timeframe on wedding day to get everyone dressed and ready. When will bridal party pictures be taken ? Do you plan to have a rowdy late crowd the night before the wedding? Can you count on both sets of extended family to be on time?

I suggest you dial back rehearsal dinner plans to be more low key, start that event earlier, and consider not having an open bar. Of course, bridesmaids and groomsmen who are determined to get drunk will find ways to do so no matter what.

Sounds like a great opportunity to save money and plan a more relaxed event.

1057

One of my nieces just got married and had a brunch wedding. They served scrambled eggs, grits, biscuits and gravy, waffles, sausage/bacon and cherry french toast casserole. It was delicious and very reasonably priced. This was all preaperd elsewhere and served on site. Also had coffee/tea/OJ & mango juice. The twist is that they had breakfast for dinner – the wedding was at 4 pm. It went over very well. They had a small cake and many cupcakes for dessert. Fruit cobblers would go well with a brunch buffet, too (we made them for S1’s wedding).

If you wanted a cooking station for custom omelettes and the like, that would be wonderful, too.

My one suggestion would be to have a fresh fruit salad available for folks who don’t want to eat just carbs, and if you have a custom omelette station, to include veggies. If you wanted alcohol at the event, mimosas as the drink of the day would be great. Having an event early in the afternoon would lend itself naturally to not having an open bar, if you’d prefer not to have one.

Marian, this sounds like a lovely, lower-key plan.

I would check with the photographer, hair & makeup folks about timelines, if she plans on having those services.

1058

In my book, brunch requires Bloody Marys even gif they are virgin ones,

I like the brunch idea very much. I love brunch foods. You’ll find great ideas for styling and food on pinterest.

Gourmet donuts with interesting flavors are really hot right now.

1059

I just want a good recipe for that cherry french toast casserole!!! :slight_smile:

1060

I’m not sure whether there will be a rehearsal dinner, but if there is, the groom’s family will be the ones who plan it. I’ll suggest to my daughter and future son-in-law that if someone wants to have a dinner, it should be an early one.

There will be no bridal party (the bride and groom don’t want one), but I think they will want formal photos of themselves as a couple and with each of the two families. And that could be challenging to schedule, considering that the ceremony will be at 10 a.m. This would be a good issue to raise with the photographer and perhaps also the venue.

Thank you very much for your insights, @powercropper.