Nailed down the photographer today. Very happy to have that done. Now the headache is a minister! We had one lined up but through no one’s fault, it fell through. Since dd is getting married in a garden, I think we need to find one through an online site. In many ways, it was much easier to get married in a church years ago…
@Onward I would suggest a different perspective. It seems that most anyone can become licensed online and be legally able to marry a couple. Who in your family, circle of friends, or the bride/groom’s circle of friends would be a good candidate?
You would want someone who would take the role seriously, regardless of their age. But a good public speaker, someone who knows the couple, has spent time with them or watched at least one of them grow up, someone like that could add some warmth and love to the ceremony. I would certainly prefer a less practiced friend or relative over a perfectly poised stranger with the right title in front of their name.
Check with your local government to find out what the laws are in the state the ceremony will take place.
I have a friend who did the online license to officiate at her daughter’s wedding. It was a wonderful, personal ceremony.
@Onward - Agree with powercropper - most of the weddings we’ve been to in the last handful of years have been performed by someone affiliated with the bride or groom who did one of the online licensing programs. I can only think of two where they were performed by ministers/rabbis. It’s really easy to do. D and her fiancé have already nailed down one of her friends and asked her to do it and she agreed. She was the friend who was with D the night she met her fiancé; and she happens to be an attorney, also. For some reason, when D was researching this issue, she read that a good place to start for couples is to check with anyone they know who are attorneys first. Not sure why, but it worked for D, so that’s the way they’re going to roll.
For my D2’s upcoming wedding, her fiancé’s best friend is getting the license and will officiate.
I will ask my dd and her fiancé to give this some thought. I know she was crushed when the minister couldn’t do it; not because we are very religious (we really aren’t) but because he was a good friend from college. Thanks for giving me this push.
One of my brothers just got the online license and married my niece and her DH. They told noone, and we were all shocked when he came down the aisle with the bridal party! He did a great job personalizing the ceremony and making it meaningful.
My sister was asked to get an online license and perform a marriage ceremony for two friends. After investigating the details, she turned them down because she was concerned that the marriage might not be legal. It’s crucial for the novice officiant to dot every legal i and cross every legal t, and in some states this is more difficult than in others. My sister wasn’t sure that she could do everything right.
Of course, it’s always possible to have the novice officiant not turn in the paperwork, and for the couple to make a separate, quiet trip to the court clerk’s office and get legally married there. Apparently, though, my sister’s friends were not comfortable with that.
My H just got the online license and will be officiating for our life long friends’ son. He also had to file with the state where the ceremony will take place and pay another small fee.
@NorthMinnesota, I recently saw a contract between a prospective bride and groom and a commercial wedding venue. It included a provision that all outside “contractors” had to be approved by the venue and had to have liability insurance.
I don’t know whether a wedding officiant is considered a “contractor,” but perhaps the bride and groom for whom your husband plans to conduct the ceremony should see whether there is a provision like this in their contract and if there is, whether it applies to your husband. It would be extremely awkward if he was not permitted to conduct the ceremony because he hadn’t jumped through the necessary bureaucratic hoops.
Of course, if the wedding is going to take place in someone’s home, this is irrelevant.
We’re 4 days out from the wedding. DD called this a.m. to grip… just this morning she got a text from a single invite guest who wants to add a +1. Err, no. She says she has seating charts already prepared, placemarks, etc – no way is she redoing all that. Today is her last day at work, she leaves town tomorrow for the destination. Apparently there is no end to the level at which people can be inconsiderate.
Enjoy @calmom! I hope it’s a wonderful weekend for all involved:)
S and now DIL were married 9 days ago. Everything went splendidly! Our biggest crisis was MIL’s health as she was hospitalized 3 weeks before the wedding with septic shock and heart failure. (She has chronic CHF but this was the worst ever.) She was released,then readmitted 4 days before the wedding, and released an hour before the wedding. The best man’s wife took care of getting her dressed and driving her to the wedding. She was then readmitted the next day, but will be released again soon. We were all just SO glad to have her at the ceremony and part of the reception.
Because her mother is frail, I took over most of the MOB details. We live 3 hours away from S and DIL, so I went over 2 weeks before the wedding for three days and took care of many items that DIL just couldn’t get done because she wanted to be with her mother. I’m very organized and methodical so I was able to get everything done over there and completed the rest at home.
Re guest lists: I insisted that S invite the very few elderly relatives on our side, even knowing they would not attend. IMO, leaving them off is inexcusable and they would have been very hurt. He didn’t even have to include them in his guest count. Every one was very happy for him, sent a lovely gift, and looked forward to seeing them again. S also added +1 to each single guest they invited so they didn’t have to worry about calls later. We had 4 not come from our side who responded “yes”.
S had arranged for transportation from the hotel to the reception and back at 3 different times, but no one used it until the last pick up. We put all the gifts, decorations, the man of honor, our two daughters, and the bride and groom on it. We could never have put all the stuff and people in our 2 cars! We gave S half the money he paid for this, because the hotel was a 30 minute drive away.
The weather held with temps in the 70s and no rain or humidity. D1 says no outdoor wedding for her! The reception was inside and air-conditioned so that helped. The ceremony was 22 minutes long. The officiant was DIL’s advisor in her master’s program who got a license to do this wedding. She was wonderful and shared her love for the bridal couple by making the whole thing very personable.
It’s not as simple as all that. In our case, the elderly & infirm great aunt whose nose is out of joint over not being invited had told my parents months ago that she intended to “give” her invitation to her daughter, who apparently did want to come to the wedding – a 2nd cousin who lives in a different state and has never had any involvement in daughter’s life. So sending out a pretense invitation would have only created another potential problem. (We were mystified about the 2nd cousin’s desire to attend… but apparently it was a thing that was going to happen).
And the problem with the single guest asking for a plus one now… 4 days before the event – is that RSVP’s were “due” weeks ago (d. sent out an email reminder to all who hadn’t yet sent an RSVP) --and that guest didn’t even RSVP, even though they did expect him to show. It’s just not feasible at the last minute to make changes when there’s a plan for a sit-down, assigned seat reception. And the venue is too small – guest list too tight - to have allowed for every single friend to get a plus one. So basically the request could have been made and probably would have been honored a if it had been timely… but now it’s too late.
And DD is going to have her wedding outdoors… and has been stressing about the weather. The venue was selecte for the lovely outdoor garden setting. No canopy – the reception house is right next to the gazebo where the wedding is planned, so if it rains they will move inside. As of a couple of day ago the forecast was for clear skies, but now it has changed to “scattered thundershowers”, whatever that means…
^calmom I think your d’s wedding is this weekend. Another friend’s daughter is getting married in central jersey this weekend, so I’ve been hoping this humidity and heat go away for the weekend, The good news it looks to be a dry weekend, the bad news, it may be a bit sticky.
If your daughter can move to indoor air conditioning, it might be best, so maybe those scattered showers may not be bad thing after all.
@snoozn, that wedding sounds like a blast!
I know a woman of middle eastern descent who does the kind of belly dance you describe. It is really gorgeous, and SO far from the obnoxious stereotype.
ETA: I love the elf jewelry. It would look great on S’s GF… B-)
@snowball, I don’t see a problem with the cousin’s dinner party if it is timed so that guests can go to the welcome party afterward. I do think it is weird to include the grandparents in both dinners, if that is what is happening…
Do I understand correctly that the reception is going to be beer and wine and hors d’oeuvres only, and that is why you don’t have a seating chart? What time of day will it be? Will these be the kind of hors d’oeuvres that can make a meal?
If I am reading this right, the wedding couple and their families are, over the course of two days, providing their guests with drinks and chips and salsa, and then beer and wine and hors d’oeuvres. No actual meals, except for tacos at the rehearsal.
If it were me, I think I would have insisted on some more substantial fare, to be honest. But having people giving you grief about the couple’s decisions is just obnoxious. (BTW, I’m all for less photography. People take take photos on their phones and share them.)
Snowball, I’m sorry for the angst you are feeling. Could you please explain what a “cocktail buffet” is? What exactly will be served?
Is this an afternoon or evening event?
@SouthJerseyChessMom – My DD is having an evening wedding - it starts at 6pm – so probably not too big of a problem with the heat. Moving indoors to the venue becomes a problem with the seating, since everything will be set up with tables for the reception. I’m just going to keep my finger crossed about the weather. It’s the one piece that non of us can control.
MODERATOR’S NOTE
Per discussion within the thread, I have changed the title to reflect the upcoming weddings beyond 2016 so that it will all stay in one thread