How many people just forego all of that MCing in the first place? We did. We didn’t want the band doing any of that. Just play music. Dances happened as they happened.
@cttc this aunt/uncle were of the group that did not RSVP. The aunt was a pretty nice person (no idea why she didn’t have the manners to RSVP), but the uncle (FIL’s brother) was really a jerk in many ways - years later he allowed a woman to move in with him after his wife died and it was really a sordid situation too and totally against the family faith (it was clearly about sex for him; she wanted financial security - not a ‘love match’ at all).
We did invite all the H’s first cousins - in hindsight I would not have invited many who have no manners and no real caring for any of us. Honestly, some were of the group ‘free food, free drinks’ kind of crowd sadly.
Even in 1979, this also shows poor taste (the wedding gift from this group of 7 was a card with $20, which would have been fine if they truly did not have money and actually had some manners). Their daughter’s wedding was cake/punch reception because they didn’t want to do too much for this daughter with two others I guess.
From seeing some posts, I agree about some acting very badly and you try to control those situations as best one can. And when you really are trying to have the event be a happy event, and some people are so callus.
It is like this couple that were acquaintances of my parents, who at my father’s viewing went up the line the wrong way just to be the centers of attention and be in control, and act like they are super special people, and of course not wait in line.
Thanks for clarifying! Wow…$20 wedding gift from a group of 7 people?!
Hah! Sounds like my wedding. Invited one of husband’s uncles and wife. No RSVP despite follow up. Showed up although it was 10 hour drive from their house - they missed the wedding ceremony completely, just showed up for reception with their 5 kids in tow who were all under 10 and not invited. It was a reception with sit down meal, assigned seating, etc. We made it work. There gift cost $15. Typical behavior of this uncle/aunt over the years so it wasn’t a big surprise at the time. @SOSConcern’s story reminded me of this event from 30 years ago. I think a lot of families have a relative like this. 
@soozievt my in-laws had their 25th wedding anniversary 5 months after H and my wedding in 1979. H flew to attend and my parents brought the wedding book that photographer had completed, so H could bring it back. I wasn’t upset about them seeing the finished product, but no one bothered to wipe down the covered pages either…
Many photographers get the digital pictures up very quickly. Just saw very cute Anne Geddes style newborn baby picture of great niece today on facebook.
I do think it is a very good idea to make sure photographer does get the right pictures taken of the people you want. Ways to get candid pictures from others are usually fun too.
Somewhat of avoiding ‘land mines’ - and trying to fill the gaps of knowing what one doesn’t know…
@walkinghome ahhh!!! I just suggested “I choose you” to Goskid. She wanted to know if I was referring to the Sara Barellis version (yes) or the Andy Grammer version. Had no clue who he was (yes, I’m old). Like both, prefer Sara.
D not tipping her hat yet on this, but do know she’s chosen the father/daughter song…
Catching up on this thread - learning from the posts. Our consultant at the bridal store did tell me she knew an alteration person outside of their store (they are supposed to direct people to the store alteration person). I got the sticker shock from someone doing a fairly simple alternation on a prom dress a few years ago, and I went to the gal that did a lot of wedding dress alterations and got sticker shock too, after the fact…just did not fathom such a high charge because I know it took little time (so now I would just go to some regular alteration people that do a super job).
If we are very careful on ordering her dress correctly (straight from designer in Italy), I am hoping for no wedding dress alteration - but we are not at the order the dress stage yet.
We all have the things we will and won’t do - I do understand about the chore of ironing out/steaming out creases in table clothes and glad you found a wayto manage the chore @abasket .
Ugly chairs and renting better ones, yikes.
Did look up City’s hotel list and it is a great idea to have two hotel choices. Will see what we can come up with - that will take a little investigation time.
Calling it a night.
@SOSConcern, my daughter ordered her wedding dress on Saturday, and I watched the process by which the bridal consultant determined her size.
The consultant had already taken all her measurements, and she compared each one with the measurements for different sizes on a chart provided by the dress’s manufacturer. Most of the measurements turned out to be appropriate for a certain size, but one – waist, I think – was one inch too large. Because of that one little inch, the dress had to be ordered one size up, and the whole dress, except for the waist, is going to have to be taken in. The rationale: You can always alter a dress to make it smaller, but it’s difficult if not impossible to alter it to make it larger (without making drastic changes in the dress).
Obviously, my daughter’s alterations bill is going to be on the high side. As it happens, this doesn’t matter because the dress she chose was not expensive (in fact, it cost about half of what she had been willing to spend). So she can easily afford the alterations. But if her budget had been tighter, I can see how the cost of alterations could become a problem.
SOSConcern, even if the dress your daughter plans to order is sized perfectly, I think you have to expect that at least the length will need to be altered. My daughter is about 5 foot 7, and when she buys ordinary clothes off the rack, they usually don’t need to be shortened. But the skirts on every wedding dress she tried on on Saturday were much, much too long for her. I think that wedding dress skirts must be deliberately made long to accommodate tall women, with the understanding that everyone else will need to get them shortened. Unless your daughter is a very tall woman, I don’t think she will be able to escape the need for alterations completely.
Thanks @marian for the information. I understand with the 1 inch larger - but if the dress is expensive ‘enough’ where it is being made specific for your order, that should be able to be made from manufacturer for your DD’s sizing.
I may be naive with dress ordering - but my understanding from our designer in Italy, Amelia Sposa, is the dress is returnable if it is ordered in the ‘standard’ sizing, but is not if it is custom to the bride’s specific measurements.
The slightly bigger wedding dress also can make up for slight differences with body length or other kind of issues (which can be taken care of by alterations person, as they say, with enough fabric there).
I would ‘drill down’ on this - each dress manufacturer can be different on how they handle this. The dress may be with a manufacturer your consultant is very familiar with, or maybe she is doing what is easier - and also their alterations person is doing the alterations and it also generates income for them.
Maybe that particular manufacturer has you order only by the standard sizing, but if you are paying enough for the dress it can be made to bride’s measurements. Why start with ordering a dress that you know is going to be needed to be altered? Maybe the true ‘custom’ is a longer lead time from the dress manufacturer? Did your dress shop tell you how much alterations were going to cost?
DD’s dress, from my understanding, with her measurements and telling them height and maybe even other specific measurements (length in bodice if longer body). I am going to allow DD to handle her specific dress order (because she chose it, the designer) but I will also see about the extra measurements that may be needed - dialog - this place wants DD to be happy with her dress order. I don’t want to be the middle person getting blamed, but I also want to pay for the dress order on my platinum card which gives some order protection. The consultant we had at David’s saw DD’s Amelia Sposa information and gave her the measurements she would need to order the dress - this gal was experienced, and knows we will get things like the veil and other dresses there (I saw a MOB dress there while waiting on DD trying on dresses). By the way, the dress that was DD’s size that was a top priced dress at David’s (designer Oleg Cassini shown below link) the same cost as her Amelia Sposa fit her beautifully.
Fit is really important for looking the best. I could see that with the dresses DD tried on. Of course DD has a very good figure and looked great in everything she had on at David’s. DD is 5’9" - so not ‘extra tall’, but I agree, they want to make sure the dress is not short.
We will order to her measurements if we do order the Amelia Sposa dress. I can report back how it turned out! Pretty sure we will go with David’s Cathedral veil too, but once the dress arrives, can see how the veil looks with the dress.
http://ameliasposa.it/catalog/item-94/
Maybe others can ‘chime in’ on their dress order/alterations experiences. What worked/what didn’t work. Delays, extra costs, etc.
Because that’s the way it usually works.
You would think that a custom-ordered dress that takes months to arrive would be made to measure, wouldn’t you?
But that doesn’t seem to be the case for wedding dresses – at least those from large, mainstream companies that sell moderately priced dresses (Maggie Sottero, Casablanca, Allure, Essense of Australia, Alfred Angelo, etc., etc., as well as the various brands carried by David’s Bridal). The dress is made after you order it, but it’s made to a standard size. Then you get it altered after it arrives.
Your experience with Amelia Sposa may be different than what other brides encounter with companies like those I listed above.
In any case, my daughter (who paid for her own dress and therefore made all the decisions) has no problem with the need for alterations. And she’s not obligated to get the alterations done at the shop where she bought her dress, although they do offer alterations services. She can go anywhere she wants.
Like @SOSConcern, I would love to hear from others about their alterations experiences.
I can bet many of the large mainstream companies batch dress orders, so yes having a ‘custom’ sized dress order would maybe cost a lot more than having standard size altered.
I suspect Amelia Sposa works week to week, so every dress is made accordingly - if by standard sizing can be returned. The lead time is so that they can properly keep up with orders and also have level and stable labor pool. However if DD does order this dress, it will be her dress so we should order by her dimensions as no time to get another comparable dress with the wedding date.
Back in the thread was a post (in June) where the dress (not high costing) was made to the bride’s dimensions - it was the show room for that particular dress line. Worked great with recommended under-garment.
@SOSConcern, I looked at the Amelia Sposa site, and I was very impressed with their dresses. They’re so elegant! I can see why brides who are looking for a sophisticated dress – especially one with lace and a very full skirt – would love this collection, including the Ines dress.
Is it possible for American customers to get these dresses into the United States without paying import duties? Or do you have to take import duties into account when figuring out the cost of the dress?
@marian yes we will have to pay import and go through customs. I imagine Amelia Sposa customer service can guide us through this process. Waiting on a few things to ‘happen’ until we do order the dress…I anticipate by the end of the month we will know where we stand on the loose items with the future B & G.
Here is the cathedral veil
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_cathedral-veil-with-sequined-lace-appliques-wpd20244_veils
D and H already have their dance planned out – definitely going for fun and upbeat. They both love the movie Guardians of the Galaxy so they’ll be dancing to the song that introduces Peter Quill/Star Lord (Come and Get Your Love by Redbone). They’ll dance in a similar style to the scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_jRQBGKPaA) but make it into a couple dance. D and I had a song picked out for the mother daughter dance, but I’m thinking I’d like something different now. D is a dancer, so luckily she knows dance teachers who will work up choreographies and give private lessons for each dance for a very discounted rate. I’m not sure if the groom and his Mom are doing a dance.
D’s dress is being custom-made locally. She’s known the dress-maker for years and they’re pretty close, so we’re getting a good price which will carry through to the alterations. It will still be expensive though!
Is anyone else doing (or has done) online wedding invitations? We found Paperless Post through The Knot and plan on going with that. I think people will be more inclined to RSVP, but who knows.
That’ll be a cute father/daughter dance, @snooz! Will they have creepy creatures to kick? 
Alterations seem to vary a good bit by designer and store. One of my ds picked her dress up from the store and had it altered closer to where she lived (maybe $200 for minor alterations and having the dress pressed or steamed or whatever they did to it). My d who is getting married next July will have to pay no more than 10 percent of the cost of the dress for whatever she needs done to it. That’s in her sales agreement, though I don’t know if it’s the designer or the store that guarantees it.
My oldest d bought her dress 5 years ago at the Filene’s Basement Running of the Brides sale, which is no more. But though she bought a sample dress, she didn’t need any alterations at all. It was a beautiful gown, and she dearly loves a bargain.
@snoozn , My daughter and her fiancee did physical invitations but used a web link for replies - no little card enclosed. So far, I’ve heard from three people that were not able to RSVP on the link, but my daughter has been able to do it. Not sure why that is, unless she spelled their name wrong when she entered them on-line. Only people that are on the list can RSVP.
I’ve never heard of a Mother daughter dance. That would be very bad and it’s not going to happen with us. At least with the father daughter, it’s a slow dance. Anyone can slow dance. You need some moves for a fast dance and I only have semi-awkward ones, best suited to be lost in a crowd.
DD has an Allure dress. It had to be ordered to her bust size but was about two sizes two big everywhere else. Alterations were $550, about what I expected knowing what my sister paid for her Feb. wedding. She’s 5;8" and it had to be shortened. I’ve never known anyone who did not have to have a wedding dress altered. Even back in the day mine had to be taken in and shortened.
We used Paperless Post invitations for the rehearsal dinner. There were still guests who didn’t RSVP without additional emails, contacts.
No matter what method of invite you use, there will be at least 15-20% who won’t RSVP without you tracking them down. Another thing that should be added to any wedding planning “to do” list.