@MichaelNKat…it does sound amazing! Thrilled for all of you. I gotta say, that my year with both my girls getting married was stress free too when it came to the wedding planning as they did it themselves. Glad to see all these kids happy! Saw a photo of your D on FB and she looked beautiful! Congrats!
PS…my only stress was paying for both weddings back to back! 
@soozievt, thank you! And from your FB postings its do apparent just how happy your daughters are too! I know it warms your heart as much as it does mine. There are very few moments in life that can equal the feeling of seeing your child move on to the next chapter of their life with a life partner who loves them totally and completely. And yes, paying for one wedding is an undertaking, let alone two back to back! We literally saved for 26 years for our daughter’s and in that respect I’m certainly glad that our first child was a son and that he and his wife, with 10 days notice to us, got married in a field before going up in a hot sir ballon, lol. Was very easy and quick for us to arrange a brunch reception for immediate family. Fortunately, the prevailing winds didn’t result in them landing in Camden NJ :D.
Mom/dau talk about money went well today.
BF and DD are taking on the planning and just including me a little. Telling me what she is finding out and listens to any guidance. BF and she are watching Big Fat Greek Wedding now with me. BF saw it years ago. DD wanted him to see it. I wonder if they are going to wait until Thanksgiving for formal engagement??? They have an appt with the priest on Friday to nail some things down.
There is the other end of things - a friend’s son is engaged, but he is a AAA ball player, and they are setting Nov 2017 as the wedding time - probably because he will know where he stands with baseball.
If budgets are being talked about, priests met, details planned, dress picked out, how much more
‘formal’ does it need to be, @SOSConcern? Are you talking about a published engagement announcement in the newspaper or something like that?
We are T and counting; 14 days… 
My sister got married at the chapel at her school, but the wedding was very small as was the chapel. The reception was in her back yard, about 1 mile away, and included more guests.
My friend was married in the church at Fordham, and it is huge. Her reception was at a hall in NJ.
I’ve been to a wedding at a church but the reception was at a university room. Seemed very normal as her mother worked at the school and got a discount, and our town was not that big so it was common to have the receptions at one of the country clubs (not fancy), the Holiday Inn, or a place with a ‘back room’ which was usually a bar.
I’ve been to funerals at the chapels at universities. The USAFA runs weddings almost non-stop in June after graduation. I think it is a great venue to have a wedding at a college.
@soozievt - PS…my only stress was paying for both weddings back to back!
I can relate! My two oldest got married 10 1/2 months apart. We paid for both. Ouch. At that time, #3 was in college and #4 was in high school. That was a rough year for the checkbook.
This is brilliant, @thumper1. Thank you.
Here is the couple update. FSIL did ask for DD’s hand last night - either when they were grilling out/drinking beers, or on their walk after our steak/chicken dinner. I had to ask H when we retired to our room, and pull it out of him. Typical. He first said they had ‘guy talk’ and I had to probe and probe. Finally got it out of him. So continuing the ‘creeping’ to the ‘really engaged’. I suspect the largest hold up in a formal announcement is that until the jobs/careers are secure, the wedding date is not totally set. FSIL has a goal of mid-Nov to have the military stuff in order (if that is possible). Part of the delay is due to the ‘wider’ family that is OOS. Have to be careful what is said. DD’s wedding will not be the ‘blow out’ H and mine was; certainly many distant relatives will not be invited.
The engagement weekend was with a Diocese priest and scheduled for 15 couples at a Catholic retreat center that is centrally located (it is about 45 minutes away from us, about half way between where DD and we live). One couple didn’t show, and there was a waiting list (DD knew to schedule early - they signed up when there were still 10 couple spots left). They did cover money as well in their talks/subjects covered. So DD picked up our Dave Ramsey book for FSIL, as he does have some debt and she does want him to understand what our family knows about living below our means and getting/staying out of debt. I suspect they may say they are ‘engaged’ after this meeting with the priest on Friday who is going to be the main celebrant (he is the priest from the Cathedral, and we know him pretty well although FSIL has not met him yet).
They were at the jewelry store this morning, but left themselves not a lot of time - so they may have decided to use the grandmother’s ring for engagement or not; they may have picked out wedding bands or not. FSIL wanted to make sure the ring was ‘worthy’ of his future wife.
Of course DD said she made sure she remembered ‘everything’ as they were driving back from the jewelry store; however DD left her shoes in the family room (our house is very close to the jewelry store, and really not out of the way) - so I put her shoes by the outside door after I told her about her shoes via cell phone call, so they can grab and run.
Update: FSIL and DD stopped in to fill their water bottles. They may be here next weekend to finalize more on the rings after their priest meeting on Friday. Jeweler is cleaning and polishing the ring. The diamond is very high quality - jeweler said he has not seen one of this high quality in a long time - so after he polishes it, it will be even more brilliant - a clear white diamond. Appraisal to add to FSIL’s insurance. DD will be looking on-line and in jewelry stores to see about bands now that she has seen the ring and they are using it. Jeweler can also make some suggestions to them. So that all was good news. I suspect when they come up next weekend (if FSIL can arrange to be off his work), DD will be wearing the ring.
H and I didn’t announce our engagement until the wedding date was set and it got put in the newspaper. We won’t have any newspaper announcement (different times).
We probably will need to spend more on the wedding than what we budgeted with DD. However will cross that bridge if we need to (DD and FSIL may end up finding a way to save between now and then with their career jobs in place).
The key thing is they are on the right path.
Next weekend we can also talk about Thanksgiving preparations, with having the event at DD’s along with future in-laws.
My D2 got married yesterday, too, on Cape Cod. The biggest expense was renting a wonderful home that slept 16 (at least. The other family set that up and asked that whoever stayed there share that expense.) D1 and I threw the Fri party there, made the food, which we set out as a buffet. I had made the tiered cake for the next day. (Thank you Amazon, for all sorts of supplies. And Google, for endless advice.)
Everyone was happy. D2 got her dress online (really pretty, super pretty, and quite inexpensive. And it was well made.) Next day, the other family had a caterer/friend do casual hot foods, at the house. Again, everyone happy. And despite being simple, the whole thing was rather elegant. A couple of close young friends just automatically helped with things like cleaning up periodically or keeping the food/drinks resupplied. The entire group got along (we parents were the only older folks, which was also fine.)
Now I hope they are, to quote SOS, “on the right path” as far as their futures and finances go. Did I say, everyone was happy?
@SOSConcern sounds like the couple went to an Engaged Encounter Weekend. These are sponsored by the Catholic Church.
My inlaws gave us that as a surprise engagement present. Let’s just start by saying…I was not raised Catholic, and DH fell out at about age 12. But we were good sports and we went. When we went to check in, the priest said "oh…you are the couple that got this as a surprise gift. We NEVER thought you would,show! "
It was a very good weekend…good information mostly, and really not all that religious in terms of focus.
Will the weekend session serve as their pre-cana?
Yes, they got a certificate to show their priest on Friday. I am sure they will do more with the priest, just for him to get to know them better too. Plus the details at the Church.
Both DD and FSIL are very devote Catholics. In-laws are very devote; I am the ‘on fire’ Catholic in our household, but DH does at least the minimum to be in good standing.
More and more is understood about teaching the faith within (to those that identify themselves as Catholic) - and teaching it enough in time before mistakes are made, like a marriage that wasn’t on good foundation to start. There now are more venues to learn about the faith with EWTN for example, the Catechism and Compendium which both came out in the 1990’s - it takes time with the Catholic Church…result of Vatican II, and the 1985 Bishops’ Synod where they expressed the need for a new/detailed Catechism. People raised in the 50’s,60’s, 70’s, 80’s all saw so much in our culture and getting through remaining steadfast was a challenge. We didn’t understand Pope Paul VI’s stance against contraceptives in real time - more explanations available now and how couples handle family planning.
We have always told our DDs - there are many things one can change in one’s life - go to different school, get different degrees, get different job; however the marriage commitment is a sacramental covenant. And they can see how much it takes for parenting a child - they have had a great childhood, but it means parental sacrifices.
@SOSConcern, thank you for reminding us – including those of us who are not religious – that it’s the marriage that really matters, not the wedding. It’s easy to forget this crucial point when your family is up to its ears in wedding planning.
More if off my shoulders in the wedding planning based on DD’s confidence on this last visit. Soon to be on the roller coaster ride many on this thread are on.
And yes, the event can overwhelm even the best of families as far as considering the importance of the marriage.
I do like Dave Ramsey’s short list of 5 things to make sure of with getting married. Agreement on: faith (how to handle, not necessarily need to be the same), to have children (or not), how to handle money, how close/far to live from in-laws/getting along, and I believe the 5th is communication. With money - your value system, your goals/fears/dreams. If someone believes in debt and the other does not, that creates conflict. Divorces - primary cause is money; which is ironic because living apart (and with children) it becomes more expensive under two roofs than under one.
Excited for DD/FSIL.
FSIL is a Catholic, but not D1. She doesn’t want the ceremony to be religious, but to accommodate FSIL and his side of family, they are going to get married at a place that looks like a church on their college campus. His parents are being very understanding.
@oldfort Sage Chapel?
D1 thought Sage Chapel was too religious. It’s going to be at the Willard Straight Hall. We thought about having the reception at the Johnson Museum, but it won’t accommodate 175-200 people.
I finally caught up on reading all the posts on this thread! Gave FSIL a peck on the cheek goodbye today. DD1 and FSIL are a great couple. DD2 comes home for a couple of days at the end of the month (her school calls it “mid-semester study break”). So H and I are having FSIL and DD ‘fix’.
Lookingforward, that sounds like it was a fantastic and intimate wedding, (and inexpensive compared to most weddings.). I will look back over your posts to see some more of the details. I am so glad it went well!