Wow, the planning is definitely lacking. Sorry you have to deal with this headache.
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When their other child got married last year, they sent out no invitations. We got a text, forwarded from the FOG.
My mil called me every week asking why they didnât get an invitation 
Oh my!!!
Our kids sent âsave the dateâ notifications as soon as they finalized the venue. Actual invitations went out 2.5 months before the wedding (they checked wedding magazines and websites for advice on that) with the RSVP date based on the catererâs cutoff 2 weeks before the date. If all worked out!
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We were big planners because a lot of guests donât live locally. Just about everyone got some kind of notice about the wedding date and place as soon as we firmly booked the place. That way they could look for airfares or whatever. Save the dates were sent out at the very beginning of November for an end of May wedding. Invites were sent at the beginning of March.
And we were very willing to answer any questions. Our DD and husband did a very good job communicating things via the website.
I know some families are a little more ârelaxedâ about these details.
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Some couples want to plan lots by themselves so maybe take a cue first from them. And 30+ couples may have different ideas about âhostingâ by parents.
I started researching venues, breweries, rehearsal dinner invitations, but ended up needing none of it. We gave a few thousand last year for sonâs wedding, so did my sister and I think the brideâs family. . The main wedding invitation indicated "together with our families " which was wonderful but rehearsal dinner invitation did not indicate anything about us (but husband was asked to make a toast so that was nice), even though I would have been happy to have the RSVPâS come to me for the rehearsal dinner. And would have been very happy to plan the rehearsal dinner at a local brewery near the venue but they didnât want that and had a contract fot rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception and brunch on Sunday at a very high end, expensive venue.
It was very lovely but I do wish we had been able to have more input into it. Maybe it is different with mothers of daughters or how local things are?
My daughterâs save the dates came out 11 months before her wedding. She apologized that they were so late
I can finally book air flights now. Meaning they just become available to book.
It is a destination wedding though
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I/We are not doing any of the planning per say - we are the sounding board if they want it and pass on any thoughts if they ask for it. I would not âarrangeâ the breakfast deal in any way without them - but want to have some ideas in mind if we decide to fund this option.
I actually love that they see the wedding decisions/planning as their own to make. At age 34 they certainly are capable!
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Sounds like you have things worked out well with your daughter. Congratulations!
My nephew is getting married next June. Got engaged in May. No save the date or anything like that and donât expect them for a long time.
I have actually never received a Save the Date card and Iâve been to plenty of weddings.
YesâŠwe considered doing a brunch at the wedding venue which was possible and probably would have been a bit nicerâŠbut we didnât want to deal with transporting people without cars (we had shuttle mini-busses for the wedding). At least for us I do think the hotel proved an easier venue for guests â most had brunch, went back to their rooms to freshen up, and then checked out of the hotel.
ETA: when the wedding plans are more set, the best option may become clear.
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@abasket my MIL just mentioned to Dh that she and her sister were interested in hosting brunch the morning after our Dâs wedding.
The problem? First of all, who would be included? Virtually all of the guests are from out of town. D lives in and is getting married in San Diego. Dhâs family, my family and Dâs in lawâs family all are flying to the wedding, as are our friends and most of D and her fianceâs friends. My family is all on the same flight at 5pm the day after wedding. Wedding itself is Sunday at 5pm. MIL tells dh her flight is at 2pm Monday. This means MIL needs to be at airport around noonish/12:30 day after wedding.
Our airbnb is over 30 mins from airport and I guarantee we wonât be in bed before midnight. Brunch would need to be NLT 10am in order for MIL to get to airport. I just donât see any way we will be up, packed and out of airbnb by 9:30am to make it to brunch. Not to mentionâŠwhere would this brunch be? Guests are spread out over San Diego area, in hotels and airbnbs.
It certainly is a nice gesture on MILâs behalf, but it just seems complicated. I suggested to H if she really wants to host something, she should do it on Saturday when folks arenât pressed for time due to travel plans.
We are already feeling stressed how to meet family/friends obligations as it is. Hâs family wants to gather that weekend, outside of wedding, but trying to figure out where/when and who to include is making me crazy. Everyone seems to be turning to us, for entertainment plans. While this is not a âdestination weddingâ it is similar in the sense that everyone who has chosen to go is essentially having to fly there. But we simply cannot afford to host people at another event outside the wedding (SILâs family is not paying for anything but weâd feel obligated to include his side if we had another social even prior to the wedding, plus we have never met them).
As much as I want D to have the wedding day she longs for, oh how I wish she had eloped! The logistics are just so complicated for all involved!
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That entirely sounds complicated and stressful - and who wants that?!
In âourâ case D and her fiancĂ© may decide the same thing - that itâs too complicated or not right for them or their guest list. To which I would say, thatâs totally ok!
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Consider telling family that you are thrilled they are making the trip for the wedding â but expect you will be focused on your D and handling any last minute details relating to the wedding and just wonât have the time/energy to get involved in other activities they may choose to do for the weekend.
As for brunch, Iâd talk to your MIL, express your appreciation for her thoughtfulness, discuss the timing/transportation etc. issues you noted here, and try to figure something out (maybe suggest doing something Sat. instead or just skipping the brunch).
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Maybe the MIL and aunt could do something like the flowers or pay for the breakfast for the bride and groom? Or host a breakfast on Sunday morning for the OOT relatives who arenât prepping for the wedding (hair and make up?)
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@oldfort is going to (re-)join this thread soon!!! Woohoo 
!
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Yes. I am going to stress out with rest of you
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D2 and her BF are going to get engaged probably this month. They figured it out that the optimal time for them to be married is next Jun, due to their work. So whatâs the likelihood they could get a venue around NYC in June? I to,d them that they may need to consider a Friday or Sunday wedding at a not as popular venue. They said they are willing to compromise.
D1 planned her wedding over 2 years. Yes, I am a bit stressed. D1 said she would help out to make it happen.
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Hang in there @oldfort !
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