My daughter is starting to plan. She HAS to have a billion people in her wedding. I agree with her boyfriend that 5 is plenty. I actually think ONE is enough (her sister). The wedding in out of state, where none of these potential bridesmaids live, so they won’t be helping with any arrangements. As far as I know, none of them know each other to work together. A few names thrown out I’ve never heard of before.
I think she should lay out the costs for them before asking them. “The dress will cost $xx (daughter is cheap so probably $50), the hotel will be $140/night, the reception is in the middle of no where so you will need a car…”
Daughter was in a simple wedding in Vegas that ended up costing her plenty for a weekend. Dress was $180, ticket was $300, time off work, drive to airport in denver about $50 in gas, hotel was about $400, boyfriend paid for his ticket and half hotel, meals and ubers for the weekend…
My S is having no wedding attendants and tend to keep wedding small and simple. That said, he’s having welcome reception, rehearsal dinner and wants a send off brunch.
My S served as the “person of honor” at D’s wedding - the only attendant. My SIL is an only child so no other siblings.
D did invite four dear friends to come and hang out with her as she primped/dressed before the wedding and they happily came. We supplied lunch for all – it was a relaxed and fun time (very much D’s vibe). D’s friends told her they felt like they had the fun of being a bridesmaid without the obligations/cost.
What kills me is these bachelorette or bachelor destination events, that can cost maybe $1K plus the time off from work for the travel. DD2 is trying to save for a house, and can’t make any traction. Good thing our other niece had so many bridesmaid friends that she didn’t ask her – and a few of them dropped when the wedding got pushed out a year due to Covid…their lives just couldn’t absorb the financial and time obligations - and they may have moved out of the geographic area too.
My D didn’t have an event like this and has declined such invitations from friends citing a lack of vacation time and their recent purchase of a house. Everyone understood it seems.
My D is having to fly to NOLA for the weekend for a bachelorette party but she has a credit on SW she can use from her cancelled debacle last xmas time, and they are staying in the apartment of one of the wedding party. Could be a lot worse but this is the first of the weddings in her circle. I have a feeling it’s going to get old quick!
My daughter is MOH in a wedding next Sept. She just got ‘invited’ (more of a command attendance) to go dress shopping. Bride lives in a hard to get to place in Virginia, and D will only be home from her vacation for 2 days. She wants to be demoted from MOH to ‘wedding guest.’
Nephew is going to weddings in Spain and italy in Sept. They are not close enough in timing to make it one trip. His girlfriend is in one of them so she has to go a week early.
Well…just about every wedding we have been to for the past four years has been to a destination. IOW, it was not the home of the bride, groom or their families, and just about everyone had to travel to attend. While our DDs wedding was local for us, the vast majority of the guests travelled from out of town, and no one in our families lives near here…so they traveled too.
We did a wedding in Tulum and it was absolutely terrific. We went for a week and it was our winter vacation…combined the wedding trip with a vacation and sightseeing trip.
I realize this isn’t possible for everyone, but really…so many brides and grooms marry in places other than where they or their families live.
It is hard for my daughter to grasp that people may not come to her ‘destination’ wedding (in Indiana) because it will cost too much or be hard to get to. I call it destination because she’s never lived there and her boyfriend only lived there for a short time when he was in middle school; he does have cousins who live there, and his mother.
Her sister and I will be there, of course, but my siblings will come if convenient and it won’t be for 3 of the 5. Cousins? There are 7 and I’ll be surprised if 3 come.
It’s her choice. I just don’t think it will be the event she thinks it will be. I’d prefer it if she picked a vacation spot and only a small group attended (and I got a nicer vacation than Indiana). I too will smile and enjoy it.
Sorry. Would you consider hosting some kind of post-wedding celebration that your family and friends could attend? A friend of mine did this and while not ideal, she was happy that people could celebrate her D’s marriage.
We think it’s sweet the S is having wedding here. We told her we’d all travel to her family’s place. She’s happy we can have indoor/outdoor venue. Originally they hoped my mom could attend wedding too. We have lots of family and S has very strong ties here. There are lots of flights and lodging.
I think that 2 weddings is plenty. It’s their wedding to plan. Not mine.
Sorry I deleted the details. There will be one wedding that the fiancé wants on an island that is special to him and his family.
And another wedding for family in the city that they live in. For immediate family. This is the wedding my daughter wants. And because you can’t get married overseas but have to get married in the US.
Aw, sorry the wedding plan is not going how you had hoped. I’m sure it is a big disappointment.
In case of son’s recent wedding, destination plan would have reduced the number of friends (which he would not have liked). But the relatives almost all flew there, so they might have preferred a location where they could have extended a few days for nice vacation. However my 96 year old would have missed it.
My daughter’s wedding is a “destination wedding” for most of her guests but through no fault of her own. No matter where they would have decided to have their wedding, the majority of guest would have had to travel. We live in MD where D24 grew up. D24 and her fiance met and live in San Diego. My immediate family is East Coast/midwest (and two of my kids go to college in separate midwest cities). Dh’s family is all on West Coast but not in San Diego. Groom is from WA State. D’s childhood friends are in various places on East Coast and college friends are all over country. There is simply nothing they could do to prevent guests from having to fly to their wedding, which is in San Diego, b/c if they had it her in hometown, 3/4 of the guests would have to fly here, and same if they married in his hometown. It is what it is. She didn’t want a huge wedding anyway. Aside from our families, we only have a few friends who are making the trip, but nearly all of D24’s friends will be there. She is the first to marry so none are burnt out yet on wedding expenses.
She did not have a destination bachelorette party. She was thinking about having one in a central location in the US until I reminded her that her friends, almost all in grad/law school are spending a lot of $$ to come to her wedding so she needed to nix the bachelorette party. She came home this summer and went to beach with her high school friends and is doing something with her college friends when they arrive in SD a few days prior to her wedding.
It must be nice to not have to worry about long distance travel when planning a wedding. Even when H and I got married it required travel for more than half the guests. Dh is from CA and our wedding was in MD where I grew up, but even for my own relatives, none lived here in MD except for my parents and one of my two siblings. At least 3/4 of our guests had to travel 6+ hours with the majority of them flying here.
My son got married about an hour outside DC last year. He and his wife live in DC but many had to travel and many people flew in for the wedding. We have 4 nieces and nephews from husband’s side and he said he’s willing to travel to any of their weddings if invited as long as the wedding is in the "continental United States! "
