I guess all I can say to some of the questions is … I will find a way. I always have. That’s really my best answer right now. Pay down some debt to open cash-flow. Eat out less. Sell a newer car for an older one. Find a higher paying job. Have my kid take on a little more debt if they want it that badly.
My younger two DDs are doing significantly better in HS than DD1, which keeps me optimistic. They also do not have some of the social anxiety issues that are limiting DD1 to schools in this very expensive northeast area. They would be more than happy to travel to the midwest, or south, or west for a great merit+school net cost situation.
As for someone else who asked, Uconn is around 28K per year. After $5500 in stafford, plus perhaps another 5-10 in additional loans per year, we would probably have no issue affording that. The hard part is getting in
She might also like Simmons – she’d get merit there. It’s part of a consortium and she’d be in Boston – a big city that might give her the sense of population.
I wouldn’t recommend selling a newer car for an older one…not only would you take a big hit on the sale, but the older car would likely soon have expensive issues.
The last thing I would do to a kid with anxiety issues is let them take on more debt to get what they want. Sure, it’s a quick fix now, but an anxious newish grad trying to make ends meet, while working full time and paying down significant debt is a recipe for even more serious problems.
Eating out less can be a solution but only if your spouse is on board with that, too. If you’re both busy, sometimes “eating out” helps keep us sane…someone else cooking and cleaning up! That said, if your family decides to go that route, get an Instant Pot!! Lol. At least the 6qt size, but maybe 8qt is better! Lol
You mention that UConn is the best option…what is their policy about transferring in? Could daughter go to a CC for a year and transfer in? That would also give you/your family an extra year to save…
I’m all for frugal living but folks need to be realistic.
If it were that easy to trim a thousand bucks or so off your spending on daily life- you’d likely be doing it already. And if what’s prevented you from saving big bucks in the past is- the fridge died. A kid needed braces. You discovered that your bifocals weren’t covered by your vision insurance. A kid needed a prescription for something and there was no generic version. I.e. real life. Don’t delude yourself that these things are going to change once your D starts college because those pesky expenses which throw off your savings plan are going to continue.
It’s great to say we’ll eat out less- but realistically- what are you talking about- cutting out $200 a month? Is that going to make the difference between a college that’s affordable and not affordable?
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but kids with anxiety disorders can crash and burn ten minutes from your home just as easily as ten hours from home. I think getting a handle on your D’s issues BEFORE she starts college might be a prudent thing to do- for her own self-confidence as much as for setting her up for academic and life success. Is there a reason she needs to start college in September? Maybe a year of working, therapy, some volunteer type activities to de-stress her could work as a gap year?
What are the community college articulations in your area like? Are there commutable options? her 3.5 UW gpa plus anxiety might make her a good candidate for looking at such a way into 4 college, as her SAT is pretty good for that GPA it might be a way to redefine her academic success in a more mature setting that is not financial suicide.
I belong to 3 very large college parent groups, and there are 3 reasons that new college students crash and burn…too much partying/socializing, too much video game playing, and anxiety/depression/ADHD.
I agree with the comments above about anxiety issues. The very best thing that a parent can do for a child IMHO is to allow them a chance to heal their anxiety or whatever other issues they may have before attending college. We did this through gap time. By gap time I don’t mean a gap year and the clock is ticking. I mean gap unrestricted TIME. Allow them time to understand that the world is a fairly benign place. They can get a job, be valued for their work, travel, volunteer, and discover in the process that whatever they can contribute is sufficient. It’s okay if they make a mistake. And once they get home at night, the time is theirs. They hopefully will understand that there’s more to life beyond school school school and the pressure that often entails.
I say this as a parent who has a child in gap limbo currently. This child we knew as a sophomore in HS that continuing straight into college was not a good idea. Not that s/he wasn’t smart and capable academically but the timing just wasn’t right. The anxiety level was way too high. We are 2.5 years into this gap period and this child is now thriving: Calm. Confident. Has traveled and supported self for an entire year doing whatever jobs s/he could find. This was not easy. None of it was, for parents or child, but the result thus far is great. Every so often this child sees others progressing through college, including sibs and says: I should be going to college! We remind this child to slow it down; this isn’t a race; this child is gaining skills and insights that those attending college don’t have yet – and s/he is not “behind” at all because of that. Child has real jobs and real skills. When s/he’s ready for college then, sure, s/he will know it.
How will we know? When the child strides confidently in that direction–Not randomly going to college because s/he “should” go but because s/he has a solid, confident purpose that’s pulling him/her forward. When s/he is ready to study and looks forward to classes, that’s a great sign. Currently when this child says “I should be in college!” I test the waters by asking gently, “Okay, so maybe take a course at the community college and try it out.” Child then says: I don’t know" and otherwise hedges. S/he is not ready. There’s all of the time in the world.
If you consider gap time for your child you may want to look into the path for nontraditional students. There are plenty of opportunities for nontrads. They opportunities differ school by school. Excellent programs are available for students starting college later than their cohort.
