I don’t want to be a flamer. You asked for advice, and I’m going to give it, as if you were my daughter:
First, do go to a licensed counselor to determine if you do suffer from depression. I’m not a licensed counselor, but I don’t think you are clinically depressed. I think that you are just “down” about your predicament and you hear the clock ticking.
I’m a recruiter. I’ve talked to thousands of college students and recent grads in the last 25 years of my job, and I’ll tell you that about 80% of people your age know more about what they DON’T want to do than what they DO want to do. That’s why job interviewers ask the question “So, where do you see yourself in five years?”. So, you’re not special or unique or alone in that regard.
Three things stood out in your post: 1. You haven’t learned to organize your thoughts. 2. You’re overly concerned with where the universe matches your pleasures and unproven, unvalidated abilities instead of the other way around. 3. You’re looking for a quick fix to years of rational neglect.
Right now, you are like a gambler that borrows money for one last trip to the blackjack table, hoping that you can win it all back. It won’t end well. There’s a place for impulses and feelings, but they must be balanced with rationality. Maybe a philosophy class or three would help, but I’m not sure if you’re ready for that challenge.
Why don’t you just say that you want to be a Major League Baseball player, but you’ve never seen a game or swung a bat or thrown a ball before, and why can’t someone just tell you how because you’re athletic?
I say cut your losses quickly. You’re wasting other people’s time and money right now. You need to clean up the above three things, in the order given, before you’re ready to ripen. Only you can do it. Start right now.