3rd choice....not so bad!!

Parents Forum
1

<p>Congrats to everyone! Firstly- I am a parent who has moved here from abroad and am still trying to familiarise myself with the US college system, so please bare with me. This is also my first experience as a college mom…my question is about disappointment. </p>

<p>My S wants to be in DC (he intends to major PS) so he applied to American, Georgetown, George Washington. It was a tough situation- we arrived from the US from another country during the last 2 months of 9th grade- unfortunate timing as his GPA for 9th grade was shot, which has affected his average for the 4 years. He had quite an academic adjustment at the beginning- contrary to what we were told to expect, the US school he attends was NOT lagging far behind his home one!! - as well as social...he's done a terrific job at adjusting and finding opportunities for himself and has really excelled. He also loves it here and feels lucky to have had this opportunity:)</p>

<p>Anyway- his GPA each HS year his really climbed, for his Junior and Senior year he has done a mixture of college courses, IB and AP. He ONLY wanted to be in DC, (we fell in love with it when we first moved here and have spent many long weekends there as a family so he knows it quite well) and has wanted to do PS for some years. Therefore, he only wanted to apply to Georgetown (which he knew was a reach school/ visited 3 times) George Washington (which he did a summer pre-college program at last year and LOVED/ visited 4 times/ felt he had a good chance at) and American (safety school). </p>

<p>His guidance counselor had a fit, of course, and said he should be applying to 10-12 schools at least. We felt he should at least apply to 5, knowing that his choice was limited because there were only 3 PS schools in D.C. (He has internships lined up already, carried on from internships he is currently doing; so needs to be in close proximity). He then applied to SUNY Albany, and Boston U. </p>

<p>He got turned down from Georgetown, wait-listed from GW, accepted to Albany, American and BU. He was very, very disappointed about GW – he thought he had a good chnace there; and as he said – ‘it hurts’! However, he is fairly philosophical and has taken the attitude that it is less ‘where he goes to college’ and more ‘what he does with it’ that will matter. He will wait to see what happens on the waitlist for GW but knows even if they offer him a place, we may not get the aid we need. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, AU offered him a really terrific package. He says he would rather accept the AU place because he will be in DC, and could possibly transfer in the future if he wanted to; rather than Albany or BU. </p>

<p>We are paying the AU deposit tomorrow to give him a good chance of decent housing. They have a freshman day in April that we will be going to, also an overnight in April but I’m not sure if I can persuade him to go to that. (There’s another on in June that he’ll go to.) </p>

<p>My question is- how can I help him overcome his disappointment and move from ‘GW’ frame of mind, to ‘American’ frame of mind? Yes- I am disappointed for him too, because I wanted him to have what he really hoped for- so I suppose I need to overcome mine too! </p>

<p>I think American is a very good school- just not in the same rank as GW. Am I right? S said himself that he felt, and has heard, that American is more down to earth than GW, which has a lot of very wealthy students (we are not in that category!). When we toured American, although we liked the campus a lot and were impressed by the faculty and the courses offered, the housing; we had already seen GW and Georgetown so his mind was already set. Also- his father went to American and dropped out, so up until now there has kind of been a ‘negative’ thing about American for our family……not through fault of the school at all. S got into his 3rd choice school- hey, that’s not so bad but I suspect that is the real crux of S’s disappointment- he didn’t want to attend his father’s school and is determined to not end up like him- without a degree. (Which of course, I’m happy about!). S just needs to make this school his experience and not his father’s; which I have no doubt he will.
S is still hopeful for GW, but meanwhile is telling people he will most likely be attending American. As I said, knowing his personality, once he gets there he will immerse himself into it and make it work. He acknowledges American is a very good school. He is far more driven than his father, and in fact neither him nor I attended university, so S says he feels both lucky and proud that he will be. He may really enjoy it and stay the 4 years. How can I encourage him to get into the American mode now though? I would like him to join their Facebook page, do the overnight in March etc, but he is very non-commital about it. If he says no, do I let it ride for now? How long do I let himself hold back? I guess I’m worried that he may feel an outsider if he doesn’t start ‘celebrating’ with others who are thrilled to be attending AU. </p>

<p>Thanks for bearing with me!</p>

2

<p>Have him sign up for AU Link and the Facebook page, where he can meet other incoming students who are very excited to be going to AU. Maybe he’ll catch the fever.</p>

3

<p>Don’t worry. My son only applied to 3 schools- 2 extremely elite privates and our highly ranked flagship U- only got into the flagship. He and I didn’t get along so I was surprised he liked my alma mater and enjoyed it as much, although in different ways. His college experience is radically different than mine was- different courses, changes to the campus over the decades, changes in college altogether (ubiquitous computer usage makes a vast difference in how things are done)- despite my being able to relate to courses (numbers stayed the same) and schedules (the odd beginning/end times to accomodate 15 minutes between classes gets embedded in your brain) and other details. Your son does not have to worry at all about his father’s college experience. It may trigger some memories for your H that could make for F-S bonding later, but in no way is it a detriment.</p>

<p>btw- Stanford doesn’t count the HS freshman year and other schools look at improving grades so your son’s grades were not an issue. We couldn’t get son to apply to more schools so I can relate to frustrations you had during the process. Stellar test scores/grades do not mean getting into the dream school- too many top students for the number of places available.</p>

<p>Get him involved in the AU things as they happpen. And don’t worry about him being behind the curve- he’ll get up to speed once he does orientation. I’m sure there are many others who don’t do everything as soon as they can, either. Things will work out for him so relax and enjoy the final months of his HS career.</p>

4

<p>Oh, your son sounds like a great kid with a constructive attitude! </p>

<p>I would just not be too heavy-handed, but <em>occassionally</em> throw in a fact: “Did I tell you?, I heard they teach _____ at American!” or whatever strikes you as interesting! </p>

<p>Nonchalantly make the observation to S that he is so different from his dad, and you admire his ambition. </p>

<p>Find out from GW what their acceptance rate from the waitlist is - if it is very low, as I hear many are, it would be good to understand that & be realistic (but still pursue it, if he wants to). </p>

<p>It sounds like you guys will just live with ambiguity for a while - a parallel path of waiting, both to bond with American and to progress through the WL process with GW, knowing that either result will be good. Essentially, I would say take it gently, but keep American in the family conversation, and the bond will hopefully develop organically before September!</p>

<p>(I agree about the FB page and signing up for things as they happen!)</p>

5

<p>I believe the enthusiasm of the “other” accepted kids come that April visit will make him forget his disappointment!</p>

6

<p>You’ve received good advice but I just wanted to say that I would consider AU and GW peer institutions. Really, American is a great school and it’s known for good internship possibilities. It sounds like your son will definitely take advantage of that. There is enough rivalry between the schools that I imagine that your son will get on board quickly. Congrats!</p>

7

<p>I went to law school at AU. When I applied, I only wanted to go to law school in DC because I was convinced that DC was the best place to study law. (I still think so, btw–where else can you go to a Supreme Court argument, or a congressional hearing, in between classes–and part time employment is relatively easy to come by). I had my heart set on Georgetown and, to a much lesser extent, GW. But I didn’t get accepted to those but did to AU. Them’s the breaks:)</p>

<p>I ended up loving it at AU’s Washington College of Law. I soon realized that the education I was getting was every bit as good as the others, the student body was comparable, and that the environment was better (Georgetown law is right near Union Station–a great place to be during the day but pretty scary late at night–and law students often are working late). I also realized that outside of DC, most people view AU and GW as relative equals and view Georgetown as better but not by a great deal. And, in terms of impact on my career, the difference was zero. I did very well in law school and got a great first job. It wouldn’t have made any difference if I had graduated from either of the two other schools.</p>

<p>I think for undergraduate political science, the situation is similar. Although Georgetown’s SFS is first rate, the political science department at Georgetown is not in SFS but is part of the Arts and Sciences. And most professional political scientists I know think Georgetown has slipped below both GW and AU. Right now, GW’s department is a bit stronger for graduate studies but for undergraduates, they are pretty much equal. And AU’s campus is much nicer, IMHO, than GW’s.</p>

<p>He’ll be just fine. Good luck to him.</p>

8

<p>What a wonderful son you have! You need not worry, once he sets foot on campus at American University, he wil LOVE it: great students, faculty and a wonderful neighborhood. American has a wonderful political science department and great campaign college too. He will have all the benefits of Washington. D.C. there. Good for him.</p>

9

<p>Your son sounds like a great kid with a terrific attitude. It’s that good attitude that will enable him to succeed at college. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I think freshman day will be a big help and I would really encourage him to do the overnight. Once he gets around other kids who are excited to be going to American, it will start to rub off on him. </p>

<p>Of course, I hope GW works out for him but American truly is a wonderful school. If fact, my son was accepted to GW and American but only American made it onto his final three list (in the end he chose Northeastern in Boston.) </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I’ve also found this to be true.</p>

10

<p>AU is a great school. I know a lot of kids who prefer it to GW. My son preferred GW to GT. It’s all perspective. Mini’s D (*He and his wife are oldtimers here on CC) is at American and he could not be happier. She is getting all she needs and wants from a colleg.</p>