500 Word Supplement Essay. Could anyone please take a look?

<p>I have an essay drafted for a college's supplement. I was wondering if someone could proofread it and check especially for grammar (commenting on the content is more than welcomed as well). The EA deadline is getting very close, and I'm in dire need of a few eyes to look over my work. Thanks again for the help!</p>

<p>i am EDing also, I will read it an give it back tonight if you want.</p>